Love

Had a long email from Master about all this, which helped tremendously. He said for me not to imagine for a moment that Ex is in love with this new woman, or her with him, or that their relationship will be anything other than Sadhana for them. (Sadhana is the application of intense self-discipline required in spiritual practice, to transcend ego).
He said their 'feelings' are based on ego and need, not on real love, they're not capable of it, and he will be 'serving' them on it all. He thinks Ex is full of shit right now.  That was a comfort. 

I can't see to let this go, with Ex. I just fucking love him too much, and it all feels so fucking WRONG.  Like I woke up last Friday in the wrong fucking Universe, like in some bad Sci-fi movie.  There has to be a happy ending.

I will tell myself that, at least until I can cope with the reality.

I woke up this morning, (I practice Reiki), and spent 1/2 hour sending Reiki to my relationship with Ex. Should have been doing that all along. That is a good practice, something I should take on to do regularly. Reiki is freaky like that, weird shit happens.  I was overcome by such a sense of love for Ex. Total heart-open pure love.
I doubt his new narrow-eyed, scrawny, no-tits, ugly-ass, uptight, holier than thou, poverty-conscious, pretentious, stuck-up hippy new age yoga bitch feels that.  I mean, HOW do they think they're compatible? They are SO different.

I am so fucking angry, can you tell?

A mutual friend of hers has said she'd get me her astrology info, so I can take a snoop at her chart. That's what good girlfriends are, not trying to talk me down out of it, but letting me process this in my own way.
Bitch has been in shit-storms like this before with many other women, apparently. Wasn't so long ago that she moved here from out of town, and all hell broke loose with her and Master's woman. She has a pattern of it, creating jealousy and pain with men she fucks, and upsets her female friends in the process.  

I just feel so fucking helpless, like there's nothing I can do to get my life back on track, except wait, and hope that either it doesn't work out between them, and he comes to his damn senses, or I get over it, and it stops mattering one way or the other.

Master was sweet, and said for me not to worry that this is taking me time to get over. I am too hard on myself about things, and expect too much of myself. I am hurting, it will take time.

And not least is my feeling like such a fucking hypocrite, complaining that Ex has a new fuckbuddy, when I am busy having the time of my life with E.

I think what hurts, is Ex cutting me out of his life with that email. I might even have been prepared to share. He could have had HIS cake and eat it, too. I don't even really care about the physical act of sex between them, it's more that he used the term 'intimacy' that really sticks in my gut. My losing 'intimacy' with him, and his being in an 'intimacy' with Bitch. He's an idiot.  He could have had it all, but for his dishonesty and limited thinking about the situation!  I even think Bitch is more open minded about these things, she's had some non-conventional relationship situations.

Or is that just my desperation coming out?  I will even accept that, not to lose him?

I would open up comments and ask what people think (if indeed anybody ever reads this shit), but I am still feeling too fragile, and the last time I tried that, I had some shit-for-brains be an asshole to me.