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I started another course this week at the Scientology center. I can't remember the name of it, something about personal integrity.  I think I could learn a lot. Already, turning over the first page, I was in tears. One sentence. I am paraphrasing, I can't remember the exact words, but it said something like, "Personal integrity is the ability to live by what you yourself have observed as truth".
I realized, so much of what I have lived by, has been other peoples' truths. The highest dharmas, or what ever it is, if it's not my OWN observed truth, what is the point?
All the way through the divorce, my time with Master, with previous Masters, whatever, it's all been based on other people's truth, to one degree or another.  In other words, according to that definition, I have never really had much in the way of "personal integrity". Not that I don't have integrity, I know I do, but it was just the way that was worded, about your own observations, that shook me up. I can see truth, I am a fairly good judge, I would like to think, I know what truth is a lot of the time, but the fact that it's not my own, is what bothered me.

Say what you like about Scientology, (and I have probably said similar things myself), but like the guy said that I signed up for this course with, it's about bringing out the best in you, not shoving somebody else's beliefs down your throat. So far, that has been proven true to me.
I felt so disempowered by what went down with Master, not by him, but by others in that circle, and their lack of any kindness or humanity, that this is a really nice change of scene for me, something that wants to bring out the best in me, not something that is always telling me I am full of shit, and need to change my bad ways.
Scientology is not the most 'advanced' thing I've ever come across, it addresses some pretty basic things, at least at the level I'm coming in to it on, but you know, in my case, that's what I need right now I think.  Get the basics straight, first. How to spot morons coming and avoid them, and how to find my own truths and learn to stick with them in the face of what other people are telling me I need to do. All pretty damn useful. Master never taught me to listen to myself and trust my own judgment. It was always listen to him, and trust his judgment. 

And no, it's not expensive.  $50 for a 4 or 5 week course, that's $12.50 a night, or $5 an hour, that's not bad.
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