I wanted to say something about E. At the weekend, we had a lot of awesome sex, and I was on top for a lot of it.
Wow, I have to say, he feels amazing. I have been feeling a LOT of pleasure, when before now, sex with me on top was something I could take or leave, I always prefered to be on the bottom, I got better clit stimulation, and being a bit lazy, like to be the one being done, rather than the one doing... I confess it. I am a selfish lover in a lot of ways.
I feel my body becoming more sensitive, inside my vagina, and also the rest of my pussy, not just my clit, is really starting to feel more. Sex is becoming much more pleasurable lately, and not just because I have a different man in my life with a bigger dick, I think it's my body changing, too. I think when Master kissed me that one time, although I was pretty uncomfortable with it, he did say I would start to feel more, and it's true. That has happened.
At one point, or several points, I looked down at the face of my lover though, and saw this amazing being. I can't describe it any other way, except that the face I saw was of somebody I totally love. My heart opened up. He looked about 20 years younger than he normally does, I felt like I was fucking the man he was when he was about 25, and I am the only one that can see him that way. It was the weirdest sensation. Like he opened up a part of himself for me to see, and me only.
I feel happy when I'm with E. He makes me smile a lot.
I have tried hard not to 'fall in love' with him, but I don't think it's working. I think I'm in love! Only it's very different than what I'm used to feeling when I think of myself as being 'in love' with somebody. I don't really have words for what I'm feeling. Just that I get a happy on, when I'm with him, and he is a Good Man, and treats me well, and I have SO much gratitude for that, after having gone through the divorce that knocked my confidence sideways. E said yesterday that I am beautiful. He quite often says that when we're having sex, I love it.
He got a little more experimental on Sunday, and we tried a new position. Something that has been limited, because of my leg injury still not being 100%, and it limits my flexibility to quite a large degree during sex. Also, he is quite a big guy, and his stomach gets in the way of some positions.
Happy to report, that 6 months in to it, and we're doing well, I am happy, he's happy, and it's good. I am grateful, very grateful. And a little scared. Am I good enough? Will I fuck this up somehow? Am I taking advantage of him? All kinds of self-doubts starting to surface.
I really don't want to fuck this one up.
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