Here's the stream of consciousness type recall I wrote this morning of last night's session. 3 hours passed in what seemed like one.
Where does this stuff come from?? I couldn't make this shit up on my best day.. (Sartorius, if you read this, please tell me if it's the story of a fucking Thomas Hardy novel or something..)
Sam looking for Elizabeth. She's missing. I (Sam) want to jump, and am thinking about it.
Earlier, in the house, argument, she doesn't want to be there, she's 20 years younger than Sam, wants to be with sister, and wants kids. They have tried, been married for 3 or 4 years. Sam is nearly 45, E is 25.
Sam was in the Navy serving under E's father, who took E there to keep her safe, feeling Sam would take care of her, and keep her out of trouble.
They have a simple life, they live in a small house next to Sam's brother's farmhouse, on edge of cliff overlooking ocean, it's beautiful, Sam loves it. He's happy there. Sam is a cooper/blacksmith and works in the village. Elizabeth has chickens and Sam's brother's farm to work on. She's not happy. Wants a more cultured life than Sam can offer.
They have a cat, she doesn't like it. Sam's cat, Smokey. Grey with white paws. Sits on Sam's lap.
Argument one evening, Sam goes to bed at 9.10pm. (I see and hear the clock). Elizabeth doesn't come up, Sam falls asleep with the cat on his feet. Wakes at about 4am, she's not there, he doesn't go downstairs, he wonders if she's in the outhouse or still downstairs. Wakes again at 6.30, he's overslept. Elizabeth not there, he goes downstairs, her coat and shoes gone. Everything else still there. Gate is open, chicken in the vegetable garden, he shoos it out, and sees his brother in the garden next door collecting hens eggs. Goes, tells him he can't find Liz. Brother gets coat, heads to village. Sam goes to cliff and stands there, deeply devastated, I think he knows what's happened, but doesn't want to think about it. Several days pass. Sam stands, looking out to sea. His feet hurt. He's tired and hungry and finally sits down and cries.
Brother comes, tells Sam they've found her, she's fallen (she jumped but they told him she fell) off cliff.
Auditor asks if there's an earlier incident that's similar? I jump back to prehistoric cave ppl. I am about 20, and have a leg injury, left leg.. I can't take care of myself. I have a small child. Several women with me. I have been abandoned, or man has not come home. I am very sad, and scared, and feeling vulnerable, in pain, and it smells of smoke and animal fat and urine. It's dark. I have very sensitive perception of the room I'm in.
Jump to 20 years later, I have been being taken care of by older woman, with gray hair, and I ask for help, tell her I'm in pain, and need to let go of this life, I've had enough, and she gives me a cup with bitter herbs in, and hot water, and some honey. The cup is a small red earthenware with ceremonial designs on it, it's been in a fire, bottom is all blackened. I drink and she lies me down on a bed of furs. I feel cold, and tingly, and I lose bodily consciousness and see an almost elephant-like spirit, it's scary, it passes, and I enter into the Light.
Jump to next life, I am being born, I am stuck, I feel claustrophobic. I feel contractions squeezing me. It's cold, I finally emerge, mother died in childbirth, I am alone in a field, wet and cold and lying on the grass, it's late summer, the grass is prickly and dried up and dusty, smells of summer. There is a black goat grazing, it comes over to investigate me, I lie there, happily almost, unaware, unafraid. I die after a few hours, but it's ok. I feel calm.
Auditor brings me out, and I think that's the deepest state of whatever, feels like hypnosis, I've possibly ever been in. 3 hours have passed. Seems like about 1 hour.
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