....Hmmmmm................... my initial thought was "Of course you would want to know because this brings a risk to the sex life."
......But then I thought - "Hang on - HIV is only a risk if you have unsafe sex. If you are using condoms and latex compatible lube......... why would you care?"
..... So I'm curious as to what you people think..... Should Poz men identify as Poz if you are going to date / fuck them?
Now - I'm going to play devils advocate here.................... I'll give my personal opinion at the end of the post.
Some YES you should points...
- Full disclosure - honesty from the word go breeds trust.
- If you have an accident and there is a blood spill at home it can be managed without any risk to the neg partner eg. Cooking in the kitchen and a knife cut happens.
- Sexual Risk - even with safe sex aside, some people are into fetishes and these can be better managed so that BOTH partners are kept safe.
- The neg partner can manager their own health as to not pass on anything to the poz partner that could seriously impact their viral health - cold / flu / any bacterial infections etc.
- Deal breaker - for right or wrong there are people who will not date poz people.
- Prior experience - some people will not date / fuck poz ppl due to previous bad experiences eg. loss of a friend / partner to the virus.
- The emotional stress of having a partner with a potentially terminal illness could be too much them.
Some of the NO they shouldn't points...
- Everyone has a right to privacy.
- Someone's sero-status should be something that THEY choose to share. There is significant discrimination already in the world. People don't want to be MY friend because I'm a clinical depressive. Can't imagine being someone who had to share being HIV +.
- If someone is having safe / safer sex, the risk is non-existent. There is NO documented case of someone contracting HIV through safe sex.
- When you first start dating someone you have ZERO assurance of it going anywhere.
- When you fuck - you should be having safe sex.
- If you bareback - and have made an informed decision to do so - then you accept the risks and their status should not be an issue.
For **ME** it would be very hard to date someone positive as I have lost people to the virus and the potential for losing them would very hard to live with. This isn't to say that I would find it impossible - but it would give me pause.
Would I fuck with someone who is positive? Yes. I have done so before. And EVERYONE should assume the person they are fucking / being fucked by *IS* positive. Unless you are barebacking and choose to do so in an informed manner (I know I know.... but this isn't the topic of THIS post - it'll come though) then condoms and lube used appropriately should not make sero-status an issue.
Furthermore - the oral risk of contracting HIV is so small that there has to be a whole HOST of risk factors to be present for this to be an issue - even with ingestion of semen. They have to have a high viral load, you have to dry mouth, open gums. ulcers etc. I have only ever read of ONE documented case of HIV oral transmission - and the idiot who caught it had only just had a wisdom tooth removed a week prior and the hole had not closed yet.
So.................... what is YOUR 2 Cents Worth.
This is a difficult issue. But I think it is one that deserves discussion - but I do ask that the discussion be kept civil and respectful.
I have tried very hard to do this post with sensitivity and respect and hopefully that comes through.
I look forward to hearing your own insights.
Shalom
Damien
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