Had another Scientology auditing session last night.
I saw my mom, I was 11, she was happy, I wasn't. I had just started my period. I was shocked, scared, and upset, and in pain. I had been at a friend's house on Saturday morning, and had felt terrible stomach cramps start up. I went to the bathroom, feeling the blood start, and looked down and nearly passed out. There was a lot of blood, and it scared me. I hadn't been prepared. I knew what it was, but even so, I wasn't ready.
I ran home, and told my mom, she was happy. She took me in the bathroom and got me cleaned up, but I felt so disgusted and my stomach hurt so badly.
Earlier incident. Sitting on my Gran's lap, I was about 2. I wet my diaper, and she roughly handed me back to my Dad, saying "I don't want her, she's disgusting!". My mom hated her, I remember that, and didn't ever come into my Gran's house. So Dad took me outside, and they got into a huge argument about it and what a bitch my Gran was.
Earlier incident. 432 AD. I am in Rome, in a monastery or somewhere similar, being taken care of. I am old, and bedridden, and alone. I have food, a bed, but that's about it. I am unable to get out of bed and I piss myself, and feel so ashamed. I am lying in my own filth, and the room really stinks of it, and mold, and straw. I feel like an animal. Worse. Less. My body aches, and I have leprosy. My left arm is almost gone. My left leg I can't move. I used to be a somebody, and politician of some kind. Now I am a complete nobody leper, dying alone and in pain. I leave the body, and it becomes ecstatic, I am free, I leave the prison that my body had become, and the nightmare that that life had turned into.
Ugh, so much shame about bodily function and fluids.. Lifetimes, it seems.
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