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Gutted Fish

I have come to the conclusion that if I don't hear from Ex by end of day today, that's it, I'm not going to hear anything. He generally has Fridays off from the office, to catch up with paperwork, and he works from home then, and does all his emailing.
Last week I told myself he was away traveling, but I'm sure he had email access.  And Jesus, what do I really expect him to say to me anyway?? Maybe no email is a blessing. 

I am feeling a little better this afternoon, after a nice lunch with E, in which I was practically sitting in his lap eating my lunch, in a cozy booth in the restaurant we went to, feeling as clingy as all hell, and apologizing, saying I am all PMSy. He was sweet, and just squeezed my hand a little tighter, and told me we'd do plenty of snuggling at the weekend.   Oh, fuck, really, I just want to go sit in a corner by myself right now and cry and cry. Shit, what is happening? I have been SO emotional lately!!  Jesus. I hate this.  I feel like I got shot full of Estrogen or something.
And no, NOT pregnant, I know that.. I just had a period. Worst PMS ever, worst pain ever, too, I was laying awake all night in agony the other night, aspirin didn't touch it, I nearly took an Oxycontin I had left from my operation last year.

Fuck..  I feel like somebody ripped my heart open with a hot knife, like I'm a gutted fish, and it won't stop bleeding.
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