So.. Where do I start. Ex and my mom met for lunch on Monday. She's here for a week. (I said it was next month in my last post, because I have a potentially nosy coworker who may have seen my blog over my shoulder a week or so back.)
She kind of engineered that, she admitted, but he was more than happy to see her. They spent a few hours together, had lunch, took a walk together at one of our old favourite places.
SHE said (and I will need more proof of it than that, I only somewhat trust her report), that at one point, Ex put his hand on his heart, and swore to her that he wasn't fucking Bitch. He said he felt he was too complicated to have a sexual relationship. (He also said to me in his last email, that his practice was the most important thing in his life, which surely means Bitch is not..)
He said that he misses me. He asked her if she was angry with him. She said no, she just loved him, always has, always will, and so do I. She said I miss him, and think about him every day. (I do). He asked if I was dating anybody, she said yes, I was dating E, and he asked her if it was serious or not. She said she wasn't sure, but said that we'd been dating on and off since about November. Ha, I hope he feels that.. That I didn't wait.
He feels I have lost my way, spiritually, I presume because I'm not with Master any more. He hasn't spoken to me since November, how the hell does he know? Stupid cult-minded asshole. There is more than one Way.
Those are the main points, I guess. I have no idea what to say about any of them, except that the fact that he told my mom he's not fucking Bitch? WHY would he tell my mom that? There's only one reason I can think of, and that is, he wants me to know. Which leaves me wondering why.. What's he playing at? What exactly is his relationship with Bitch? S said it's not so good, from what she's seen. So why is he even still in 'a relationship' with that pox-ridden ugly cunt? And how long did it take him to not want to have sex with her any more? Did he catch her herpes? They've only been together since November. Ha. Fucking Ha. That made my day.
I think I am more confused than ever. Fucked if I know what any of this is any more. Time will tell. I wrote him a simple email this afternoon, "Thanks for having lunch with mom, she misses you, it was very healing for her. Me too." Ball's in his court now. I didn't respond to any of that stuff.
I don't know if knowing all of that has helped me or not, honestly. Mom said it felt like he was full of regret, like he still loves me. Sounds like it to me, too, so what's next? What if that's not the case? And what do I do?? Well, I'm not dumping E any time soon, for sure. I am happy with E, he treats me well, and the sex is generally phenomenal. It would take a lot on Ex's part, to ever win me back. Honest. (Oh shit, I feel such a dilemma about all this now. I guess that was Ex's intention.)
Meanwhile, I have been sending Reiki to the whole situation every morning for months now.
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