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I went for another Scientology session tonight. I had been feeling pretty screwed up all day over things, as per usual. Sad, angry, so I was expecting some trauma or other to emerge from tonight's session. I got there early, and my guy wasn't there yet, so I sat in the room and prayed for help, guidance, and that the session would reveal what I needed to face and move through. I was prepared for the worst.
So what happened was euphoric. Ecstatic, blissful.

I was in Greece about 863AD, part of a semi-Gnostic heretic sect that took some kind of mildly hallucinogenic liquid Sacrament. It tasted bitter, slightly of tamarind and salt, mixed with wine and honey.  I was in a dark underground room full of thick incense, with 30 of my brothers. I took the Sacrament, and in that lifetime, couldn't let myself feel the grief of loss, or let go to the bliss, but in the session tonight, I felt a full opening and release, my head opened, my body expanded, and energy flowed again.

I guess in that life, I had been traveling, and been away 3 years visiting north Africa, Morocco, Libya and Egypt, and in the boat on the way back to Alexandria, I had a flash of my house burning down. I lived with my sister who had a boy about 6 and people all thought she was my wife, because she had no husband, so to avoid trouble for her, I posed as her husband, not her brother.
Anyway, I got back to Greece, and found her gone, the house burned, the garden and land all in ruins. I was devastated, and felt a lot of guilt and shame that I hadn't been there to protect her.
I joined the local heretics shortly after and took the illicit Sacrament. It was almost like Eleusis or something, Mithraic, even, possibly, disguised as Christian.
The temple was bare, no imagery.

We sat, Brothers all weeping and Drunk in God. It was beautiful.  I saw my whole existence, millions of years. 'I' am a small point on the line, a blip, the real me isn't part of the drama that 'I' identify with. I survived. Whatever shit has happened, will continue to happen, and even millions of years of that shit, I am still here. I survived. I will survive. I felt utterly free of the drama of all the pain and human happenings. Whatever pain I couldn't let go of or move on from in that lifetime, I can let go of now. I cried and cried with relief tonight.

I don't have to hold on to the pain in this one, either.
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