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The Uncut Version of Self-Esteem

A few days ago, my friend and fellow Blogger, Thorny, wrote something about the issue of circumcision. I left a comment there saying that I had thought about posting something about this at some point, but I thought Thorny had basically said pretty much what I would probably have said. Well, as usually happens when I read something like this my mind gets ahold of it and starts spinning it around and I realize I had more feelings about it than I originally thought. It's brought back a lot of memories and I started talking to Matt about it and he thought maybe I should share some of those things here.

As an eighteen year old guy, I don't think it would be an understatement to say that going through puberty is a difficult experience for just about any boy. I mean your body is going through all kinds of changes, some of which you're excited about, like knowing you're leaving behind the whole experience of being a "little kid" and starting to become a teenager and then a man.

Then there's all those changes that are, at the least, well, embarrassing. Like getting use to your voice changing and the gradual appearance of a little hair in your arm pits and around your genitals.

For me, those changes were a small challenge to deal with compared to that first time I went in the locker room at school to change clothes. What I'm talking about here is getting naked with all your classmates as you change into your gym clothes or afterwards hop in the shower to wash away all the sweat. Until then I hadn't given a whole lot of thought to the fact that I'm uncircumcised.

One guy in middle school actually yelled something like, "Damn, what's wrong with your dick, man?" At which point EVERYBODY strains to look over at me and then they start making gagging sounds and laughing at me! I was totally humiliated and started finding ways to undress so I wouldn't be noticed. Talk about intense self-consciousness when everybody starts seeing that you're different down there.

I think it's probably pretty common for guys to be hyper-focused on their body during this time of life. All that stuff about developing muscles and having a body that looks like you're not just a "little kid" anymore. But I honestly believe being ridiculed by other guys for being uncircumcised was the first time I really started feeling there was something seriously wrong with my body. And then that developed into thinking something was seriously wrong with me. Not just my body, but me. It was like I began thinking I had this really bad secret I needed to hide and be ashamed of.

I'm very fortunate to have someone like Matt who loves the way my cock looks. He's circumcised but the first time he saw my dick, man, I thought his eyes were gonna bulge out. He got this HUGE grin on his face and just kept telling me how beautiful it was. He hadn't seen one up close like that before so "Little Brad" got a lot of attention that night. It still amazes me that "Little Brad" continues to fascinate Matt, but, hey, neither of us is complaining!

I wish there had been some way I could have avoided all that humiliation and self-consciousness beginning at puberty. I feel that now, at eighteen, I'm finally starting to not only like the way my body looks, but more importantly, starting to like me. And now I don't feel like I have this big, bad secret anymore. My cock and I are actually just perfect the way we are!
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