Feeling sad about Ex again today. Just feeling how fucked up it is that we're not in each others lives at ALL any more. How can 2 supposedly 'spiritual' people come to that, after 10 years of intimacy and marriage? It is fucking absurd.
It's been a year now, since I last saw him, almost. Since we last spoke. Since that fucked up email. When am I ever going to get over this? It's not even like I would ever have him back, I am happy now with E, so why can't I still get over this? I have asked myself all the questions, and made logic out of all of it, but.. the feelings don't go away.
I am too Spock, I suppose. "Captain, that is illogical". I hate things that don't make sense. I am an Aquarian. We're supposed to not feel things. We do, we just don't know how to make sense of what it is we're feeling, and that upsets us, especially when it changes. We're supposed to like change too, and we don't, we're a 'fixed' sign.
I think I might have a hard time on the anniversary of getting that email, Nov 28th. That and what would have been our 11th anniversary, Nov 11th. 11.11.11. 11 years. Ha. All over the net, people are talking about 11.11.11. Fuck that.
I am also dreading not hearing the news I want about the condo. They are asking a LOT more than I am offering. How can they do that? Have it on the market at one price, then raise the fucking price on me, when the bank gets it 'appraised' by some monkey on crack in another city, probably. The banks are toxic, and are fucking this country up the ass every day. I am glad Occupy is Occupying. I am TRYING to buy a house, they aren't letting me. That's what's up with the economy. Short sale idiots, making all the wrong decisions, makes it really hard to give them your money, and make an actual sale. I am trying to spend $150k here!
I have quite a bit of hope though, that this will all go through, my astrology is looking quite good this week.
Had an interesting Halloween Saturday night out with a friend of E's in a local biker bar. It was hard to tell who was in costume, and who wasn't! An awful lot of people dressed as rednecks in cowboy hats and flannel shirts.. Hhmm.. Interestingly, the hottest person in there was the barmaid in her little short sailor suit! Very cute. (Sartorius, she looked a lot like Lucy!) I must have a thing for skinny brunettes. I don't normally swing that way, I am usually totally hetero, I love a nice big dick, but it has been known once or twice, that I will spot a very cute girl somewhere.. Must be Venus in Scorpio.
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