Reiki Attunement

I was wide awake at 5am this morning, so lay in bed sending Reiki to Ex.  I've done this before with people, and it seems pretty effective, to visualize giving them a Reiki "attunement".  I've done it before with some very interesting results!
And what happened this morning, on my end, was a rush of energy, like a total psychic Dynorod. I started feeling sexual attraction for Ex again! I miss him, love him, and am heartbroken, but the sexual side of things hasn't really been in the picture, weirdly. It was this morning.
I think I should start doing that more often, it could get interesting.  Reiki is Weird Shit, the Real Deal. I have had some very Strange Things happen when I've really got into it, and experimented with it. Of course, you don't always get what you want, but you do always get what you need, so it comes with a mental health warning, only get into it if you really want to get to the truth. Things can get intense pretty quick, it facilitates healing, however that has to come about. And it's not always 'nice'. But it is always effective.

Reiki attunements have a 21 day 'results' period following them. That takes us up to December 8th.

I can't trust myself, but I trust the Reiki. Somehow, it's always for the Highest Good, you know?  I should just let go now, and see what happens or doesn't happen, but it's another moment of surrendering it all up to what is Greater than my own egoic needs and desires.  It's about the only thing I can do at the moment that's not driven by my own ego and bullshit. I know I am full of shit. I see it.  I am doing my best with it, trying to offer it all up to whatever you want to call 'God'. 

What's interesting, is his daughter, who I love and miss, is in town at the weekend. I left her a message on Facebook to come visit.  That will mean he will drop her off to meet me, if she gets in touch, and wants to see me. I hope so! 

I have that tarot reading booked for tonight, I am very curious..

Having said that stuff about 'higher wisdom', I bought S a gift on Amazon this morning for Christmas, some Liquid Ass. Something we have both joked about a lot, it seemed like the best thing to cheer her up.  Ok, so I also ordered myself a bottle.  ;-)

My trouble is, I sometimes see things more as a challenge, than as a sign to let go and move on, that feels like defeat..  There's part of me that is now taking on this whole thing with Ex as a challenge. Ok, let's see if I can't affect some change here, get things moving in the direction I want them to go.  I don't give up too easily, if I really want something, and that's not always a good thing.  I just don't feel like I can give up on Ex somehow. I have to keep trying, and if I can't do it directly, in person, face to face, (which I should try), I will try Reiki, magick, etc.  What ever means are available.  And when I was a kid, I totally knew I could do this, it's been a gift I've had all my life, to somehow have some sort of etheric or astral presence that could be felt by, and could feel, others on that level.