I left another flower on Ex's car last night. I went grocery shopping, and on my way out, I plucked a flower from the bunches on display outside (does that count as shoplifting?), and put it under his car windscreen wiper.
And felt thoroughly annoyed with myself afterwards. Why? Well, it's up to him to contact me now. I feel like an ass. If he did see me the other night, he's going to think I'm weird, and stalking him now. I guess I am, a little. I would like to think I'm being romantic, but he will probably just see it as weird, and my not being able to 'let go of attachment', as Master drilled into his little brain that that was what love was all about. Fuck that.
But to me, it was also a little psychic 'nudge' on the Eclipse and Uranus station, an act of 'chaos magick', a small snowball rolling down a mountain, perhaps. I am also dead curious to see further down the road, what transpires for him and bitch at the moment. She has Uranus about to go over her Mars again, and like me, it's also opposite her Pluto, which I know I have talked about, probably obsessively, very fitting for a Pluto transit. I would like to think that will have some kind of effect on her on some level. He gets a flower from another woman, has to just send a small ripple through him, which she will feel, I hope, on some level at least. Or not. But I tried. So I don't feel too bad about it.
Of course, nothing by way of response to that yet, not that I'm even expecting any kind of response, even if he does figure out it was me, which shouldn't be too hard.
Determination. NO more stuff like this. I'm done. His move. If there even is a move there to be played.
I think I am expecting this Uranus station direct, and the upcoming eclipse, to somehow magically sort my life out, some mad act of beautiful Magick from the Universe, some twist of fate to bring us back together like happens in the movies, and for me to see signs of that straight away. I doubt that will be what happens, and even if it was, I have no real idea what it is I want anyway. I have had the hardest time trying to get to what it is I really want at the moment. I feel like a lot of the time I'm acting on blind impulse, with no thought for consequences. I guess because I don't really expect any, if I'm honest. It's a game I'm playing, to make myself feel better perhaps.
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