Right after this past Thanksgiving, I posted something about the incredible discovery I made in the grocery store, Spotted Dick. Well, wonder of wonders, I made a brand new, and equally exciting, discovery!
And now, Ladies and Gentleman, we now present for your eating enjoyment, the delights of Cock Soup! That's right! You heard it correctly! Right in your local grocery story, prominently displayed for all ages to see. It's right there in the soup section with Campbell's and all the other soups and broths.
I was a little concerned that the item wasn't put in a special Adult Only section, along with the Spotted Dick. I mean there are lots of underage children roaming the store and sometimes they're not supervised by adults like they should be. Imagine the different reactions of children to passing by this shelf.
Some (like teenagers) might find it totally hilarious. But then what about younger kids who might have some awareness of carnal things but are not at the age where they can put everything in proper context?
So I decided to take my moral responsibility as a fine upstanding young adult seriously and began an investigation. I think grocery stores should finally be held to account just like other public settings where children of all ages might be found to roam.
I've gone back to the grocery store several times in my thrift-store trench coat and battered detective hat. I've also taken along my camera to document such outrageous displays of moral disregard for the well-being of young children.
Well, much to my dismay, I discovered another product I hadn't noticed the first time, probably because I was so morally shocked during my first shopping trip.
Not only do they have Spotted Dick for sale, and not only do they have Cock soup for sale, but get this: They actually have SPICY flavored Cock Soup! ----------->Now any reasonably stable mind like mine (and yours) can only imagine what might go in that package to make the Cock Soup spicy, right? Well, between you and me, I'm not sure I want to know!
My main concern at this point is to go back to the store (without the trench coat and detective hat) and confront the Store Manager about this.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm a very open minded person and hate it when other people try to impose their moral values on me, but we're talking about young children here who might get some kind of traumatic shock that could be avoidable.
They should at least open a back room in the store where they check your ID before you can go in to purchase these kinds of products.
I'm only doing my moral duty as a good citizen here. I don't expect any honors or rewards for doing what all level-headed citizens should be doing in the first place. But if the Store Manager takes my suggestion and opens that Adults Only back room, I wouldn't mind just a small plaque off to the side with something like,
"On this date, January 31, 2012, Matthew (last name) did his moral duty to the welfare of young children, by suggesting this Adult Shopping Room.
In recognition of his outstanding moral courage, this Room will be known as Matty's Adults Only Shopping Room.
The management only wishes other civic-minded individuals had this young man's courage. The world would be a better place."
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