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I am feeling a little better today. The sun is above the horizon still at 5pm, and spring is a possibility again.  Saying that, I think I am coming down with ANOTHER cold. That's number 2 since the start of the year.

Neighbors are ok though, the last few days. I slept well last night, and woke up, kind of, at 5.30. They woke up about 6, and were quiet enough until I left. Just a few creaks and footsteps.

I had the thought this morning at about 5.30, that I should send Ex a red rose, anonymously, for Valentine's Day. That would fuck with bitch. He would go home, say thanks, and that would fuck with her, because there would be nobody else it would be except me, and if it wasn't me, then that too would really fuck with her. So, I probably shouldn't do it, should I?    I dreamt last night, I was beating the shit out of him, really punching, biting, kicking.  I think that's probably a good thing, express and process some of that anger, subconsciously, at least.  She was there, she was saying something to me, but I can't remember what. It was along the lines of she didn't love him, I think.  Ha.  It was her, but fatter.  Wish fulfillment. 
I spent half an hour before I got up sending him Reiki, instead.
It amazes me how much anger I still have, how much hurt, all this time later, and it's not like a large part of this wasn't my own damn fault, either, so why am I still so hurt and angry? Why still hold on to that?

I think not driving past his office every night will help though, eventually. If I don't come up with other ways to fuck myself over about it all, instead. I also had the thought the other day to pay some homeless dude on the street a $10 to call him and tell him bitch was still in love with her ex and was thinking of leaving town. That could seriously backfire on me though, if I'm not careful.

Why can't I put this genius I have for evil revenge schemes, towards finding the cure for cancer or something instead?

It's a big anniversary for us coming up in just a few days, I was hoping somehow he might be moved to make contact, but somehow I doubt it.
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