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January Blues

So, I have moved. All my belongings got packed into the back of a truck and shipped across town at the weekend.  Last night was my first night in the place, and my first night away from E in quite a while!
We got hit pretty badly by the snowstorm that hit the NW. My move got cancelled and I had to take several snow days off work, so I stayed at E's. I'm glad I did.  I had company and a warm place to stay.

Last night in my new place was nice, though I can definitely hear more of my upstairs neighbors than I would like. Apart from that, it is nice and quiet. I could hear footsteps, a creaking floorboard, but I guess nowhere is perfect. I had wanted a top floor condo, but.. I liked this place a lot.  I hope I get used to that. They travel a lot, apparently, so at least some of the time, they won't be there.

I am sad, I shouldn't be there, you know? I should be still living at home with Ex. sigh..  And I am upset that I can hear so much of my neighbors!  Still, let's see how tonight goes. At least they went to bed early, and didn't get up too early!  Bed about 10.30 and up at 7.
I should be happy, but I can't help feeling more than a little sad lately.

I was storing some stuff for one of Master's ladies, too. She came by to pick up her stuff with her bf, and that was more than a little weird. It was nice to see her, I always liked her. But it did upset me. She didn't share any news, just said thanks and took off. That's ok. Done. One more piece of business handled.

Had a hard day at work today, too. My head's still all fuzzed up with this cold, and I had quite a lot of sarcasm from our accountant, who can be a total bitch.  I want to go home, but am not sure where home is exactly.. Home is a pile of boxes and chaos, and nobody waiting for me.  I am tired. I didn't sleep well last night, we had Chinese food, and I drank some tea, which I think kept me awake, on my mattress that I forgot to put the memory foam back on before I made the bed up.

Fuck this shit. I hate January.  I need a week in the sun somewhere on a beach with a good book and some company. 
I feel a little weird that I spent so much time with E this week. I hate to feel so dependent. But I did miss him last night.  And Ex.

Ex less so. I think slowly but surely, I am getting over that.  I know longer term, this move is a good thing, but last night, I was feeling more than a little sad and lonely. And scared for my future now I have a mortgage to pay.  I wanted to quit my job today. Fucking sarcastic cunt. I hate that. There's no need.

I just want my normal self back, the happy me I usually am. Not the whining, depressed, sad bastard I have become. I don't recognize myself in some of these posts I write sometimes, it's like a stranger wrote them, who is living a life I had a nightmare about.

Something positive, it's the start of a new year, so a new cycle of time off work.  I can take some vacation if I fucking well need it.  That, is awesome.  I hope to do some traveling this year, get out of the fucking stratosphere...
I have a new start. This is the worst of the year, from here on in, it's getting lighter, warmer, dryer, right?
My chaos will soon all be put away in nice new kitchen cabinets. 
There are plenty of curious cats in the new neighborhood, all I have to do is leave a door open and open a can of tuna.. 
It is a new start, a New Year. Year of the Water Dragon this year in Chinese astrology, which is supposed to be a good, prosperous year.
Mars goes retrograde today, in my house of 'home', which should make an interesting 4 months. It goes direct again in April.  Time to get the boxes unpacked and settled in to my new home.  I hope I can make this place a home. That's all I want.  Somewhere to feel safe and happy and settled, and that I belong. 
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