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I am having trouble coming lately. I just notice it's harder to get there. Doesn't matter if that's with E, or by myself, I'm just struggling a bit.  Tiredness?  Getting older? Stress?  Being sick lately with a cold?  Not sure.  It's worrying.
Thankfully E seems able to keep going til I get there, and it took quite a bit last night.  I really rode that beast..  Ex had such a hair-trigger, he never would have lasted. E seems much more able to wait until I get there.

Fuck, and I can't get over Ex, why??  I think that's what's driving me crazy, when I stop to analyze things, E is so much better of a deal, in so many ways, the sex is better, he pays me more attention, he's kinder, it's less stressful, he never criticizes me, but...  but.. but what??  Why the hell would I ever want Ex back??? He was a douchebag come the end, and never really that engaged in being with me, whereas E is into being with me.

The Mystery of it all.  I will never sort it out in my mind, probably. Monkey-mind.  Always looking for trouble.  At least last night, I managed to mostly have sex with E without one single thought of Ex creeping into my head. It's not like I still am hot for Ex, either. That's the stupid part.  I am far more into fucking E. But..

But..  Fuck that.  Shut-up, mind. You are nothing but trouble. The Buddhists understood that.  As an Aquarian, I analyze everything to death. Wish I could stop doing that. It's not like it would really make a difference to the actual situation anyhow.

Just got a text from S, her mother's dying, she's flying back east for a while.  She's been busy at work, I have hardly had any contact with her for a week or so! Not that I have minded that.. ;-)  I love her, but..  The peace and quiet has been nice.
Wish her well, I can't imagine what it's like to lose a parent, much as I complain about how fucked up mine are, I still have them both, and love them both.  So sad to lose your mom..  S, God bless you.. 
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