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Pluto square Chiron

Something from my own astrology transits that had eluded me until now, somehow. Pluto square Chiron.  I guess this is somewhat of a generational thing, being as both are pretty slow moving.  People my age (early 40's) will all be feeling this to some degree. The worrying thing, is that this is only now just kicking off, it will be ongoing for about another 2 1/2 years.  Like I haven't spent enough time here already... 

I found this on Astro,com, my favourite astro site for checking charts and transits.

Expressing rage ***
Valid during many months: [Why are all the crappy transits long ones, and the good ones fairly short?] This critical influence could awaken considerably conflicting emotions within you. You might have an increasing urge to finally tell someone straight to their face what you think of them, while at the same time being ashamed of having such hurtful and spiteful feelings. Others will possibly have difficulty coping with you at the present time, so that you are more reliant than usual on their patience and understanding. The best thing you can do now is to be compassionate with yourself. Your inner unrest is an unmistakable sign that something is coming to light which has long been causing havoc in the depths of your unconscious. Most people bury the emotional pain resulting from rejection, embarrassment or experiences of ridicule and abandonment deep within their psyche, without ever venting the rage and hate which accompany it. Problems with colleagues or rows within the family could trigger powerful emotions which no longer stand in relation to the outer events. If you now have to cope more often with feelings of rage and aggression, this is probably because you are stronger and more able to deal with such emotions and the reactions they cause in others. Just admit to having such unpleasant feelings! Only then will you become increasingly able to react to situations in a more appropriate way, and not to punish people for things which they are not responsible for. Rage is a completely natural emotion which protects us, often arising in situations in which we suffer injustice. If your upbringing has made you incapable of expressing such feelings, you will continue to feel helpless, used, guilty and at the mercy of others, denying yourself the chance to fight back. 

Yes.. Rage.. Total fucking rage like I have never felt in my life before.  For several years now, since Ex sent me "that email".  I don't recognize myself at the moment, this is not who I am.  I am not the person you see here, whining about all this crap, angry, vengeful.  I can't find the real me at the moment, she's gone, buried under the weight of all the grief. I feel like I'm drowning in it all sometimes.

 I told Steve all about 'that email' yesterday.  I just needed somebody else to know, that knows and loves him.  Steve is fully aware of what a manipulative cunt he can be. Steve's been on the wrong end of it, and still loves him too. 
So, I still have heard nothing from Ex. I am not really expecting to. Hoping to, perhaps, but not expecting.  I have about half a dozen people praying for me at the moment, that this all goes well.  Whatever, it's a change from the impasse we found ourselves in, perhaps.  I had been praying for some intervention, because I didn't have the courage to do anything about it myself.  I got what I prayed for!! 
I realized, Steve instigated this. I didn't. Steve sent me a FB message, asking how I was, telling me he'd been talking with Ex.. Hhmm.. So maybe in some way, Ex DID instigate this. Wishful thinking. But, it wasn't me, and I did pray for help, and got Steve.
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