(Sartorius, this will make you laugh.. And you can say "I told you so" to any part of it, if you like. You have earned the right to that.) Doesn't take a lot of explaining...
Dreamt I was up Mt St Helens, one of our local volcanoes, (volcanoes in dreams are always interesting), with Lee, the guy I had a huge crush on through most of high school. We were in a house there on the cold, snowy mountain side, in bed. (A cold snowy mountain with a massive force of hot lava underneath it!)
He was a phenomenal fuck!! Best ever. Lots of fun, very energetic, a real 'romp', and he had a huge dick. We laughed a lot, and were totally in love and happy, it was fucking wonderful and perfect.
3 of Master's people were there too, and were all sitting on the bed with us at one point, which felt really weird and awkward, but in a way, sort of nice, too, to feel some sense of the play of Grace in it all. Some link to previous Master.
I had a huge and all-consuming crush on Lee between the ages of about 11 when I first met him, and about 15 or 16. There was one really embarrassing incident, where my 'friend' Louise knew about my crush, and forced me to ask him out, in the middle of a geography class one day, in front of everybody. He said no, which I knew he would, and I was devastated, and utterly fucking humiliated. Of course, her and I were never friends again after that.
Then about 2 years later, we were at a big party, and he asked me out. I made out with him, just because, which was fun, then said no to another date when he asked me a couple of days later. It felt good to come full circle like that. He's on FB, I found him about 3 years ago, but I have made no attempt to friend him. I am almost half tempted to now. ;-)
I just took a look at his profile, his interests actually sound pretty fucking dull, and he hasn't been active on there for about a year now. There's not a good profile photo, so I can't see what he looks like now, which is probably a good thing. He might not have aged well, I'd like to remember the Lee I fucked in the dream, he was superbly hot..
Makes me realize, I love E to bits, I really do, but I am really missing a good 'romp' with an adventurous and athletic lover, too. E is not that. Sex with E is great, it really is. I enjoy it, and usually come, it's lovely, nice, fun, safe, but a little bit same-old. Always me on top, because of his bad back, and general lack of stamina. That, and we don't fit together so well if he's on top because of the extra weight he's carrying, it's a little awkward. His knees don't last for doggy style, either, and because he's so much heavier than me, that's always a little difficult to do, too.
I long for a good hard fuck, like the kind I had in the dream with Lee!! OMG he was fun.. And fit, and strong, lean, and mischievous, throwing me on my back and just ravishing me... That feeling of being alive..
E doesn't really have much mischief in him sometimes. Not in bed, anyway.
I feel sad now, thinking about what I am missing out on, living in my safe and quiet backwater with E. I liked life on that volcano. That's always been my problem.
In the rest of the dream, I had to rescue my nice drinking glasses, as one of Master's people (a particularly clumsy woman), had banged them all up in the dishwasher and chipped them all, I was annoyed.
Also there was a native American guy who kept people hostage and was going to kill them, but I talked my way out of it, with my love of the mountain. He knew he had to let me go because I respected nature enough.
(Interesting that I respected the nature of the volcano)..
Also I was with Ex, under the bridge in our old local park, there were thousands of dead butterflies blowing away gently in the wind, it was quite beautiful in a way, although terribly sad, and I was trying to take photos. Trying to capture the image for posterity, of my and Ex's beautiful, but dead, life together.
I had dinner by myself last night, in one of my favourite restaurants in my new neighbourhood. I was thinking about calling Ex from a call box again. When I left the restaurant, there on the sidewalk directly outside, was a call box. I didn't have any change.
I feel all 'disturbed' and uncomfortable this morning, after all that lot.
Post a Comment