I'm sending this out as a cry for help. I'm shocked. I'm devastated. I'm crushed. I'm not sure what to do or how to handle this. I need your help and suggestions.
Okay, let me take a breath and calm down before I give you the details of this crisis Matty and I are having in our relationship. Give me just a second, please........
Okay. Here it is. I'll lay it out as balanced as I can. I'm not out to show Matty in a bad light or be unfair to him.
Well, I know that being in a relationship means you occasionally learn all kinds of new things about each other. Mostly they're good things... things that give you a clearer picture and deepen the love you have of the person. Things that make you appreciate the other person and all the different layers that make them the person you love.
Then sometimes you learn things that throw you a little off balance, or a lot off balance. When you learn these things, they make you start questioning everything you thought you knew about the person. They make you re-evaluate your whole relationship and question whether you really ever knew the person you love. Everything is thrown up in the air and for a while you don't know if things can be worked out.
I found out something about Matty last weekend and I've avoided talking about it. Since we have final exams this week, I've avoided thinking about it as much as I can, but it's affecting my ability to concentrate and I'm worried my grades have suffered because of it. As much as I love Matty (at least the Matty I thought I always knew) I can't keep my silence any more.
Last Saturday night we were invited by our next door neighbors to have dinner with them. I needed to go to the grocery store for some items I needed to bake a pie I wanted to bring for dessert. We took Matty's car and at some point I was getting ready to put in a CD to listen to. Instead of just sliding the CD in (which automatically turns the system on), for some reason I turned the radio on and guess what station was listened to last?
Apparently Matty had programmed a particular station that under ordinary circumstances would show how classy he is. Harvard University has a student-run station and they play all kinds of music... jazz, classical, blues, Hip-Hop, underground rock.
Well, so far, so good, right?
But on Saturday mornings they have a program called Hillbilly at Harvard. To prove I'm not making this up, here's a link to that program: Hillbilly at Harvard. One of the most respected and renowned universities in the world has a radio station that plays hillbilly music on Saturday morning. That's right... Harvard University. Ivy-league Harvard University. What will they think of next?
When I turned the radio on, the announcer was just saying the name of the next song they were going to play. He said, "This next song is a favorite of many of our listeners, so hold on to your seats for, I'd Like to Be a Cowgirl, But Moo Moo Moo, I'm Scared of Cows.
I looked at Matty and rolled my eyes and was getting ready to put the CD in. "No, no, no... Let's listen to this. It's one of my favorites!" he said.
"What? Are you serious?"
"Yeah. Just listen to the words," he said.
And guess what? Matty knows the words and was singing along! I'm looking at him like he's maybe a space alien who just dropped in the car and I have no idea who he really is!
(Later that day I found the words to the song on some country music site. It apparently was written back in the 1930s and the lyrics are now in the public domain.)
One day I went out to a rodeo.
I like to see the cowboys rope and ride.
I got excited as I watched the show.
I jumped right up and down and then I cried...
I'd like to be a cowgirl, but ooh I’m scared of cows.
Moo moo moo how they scare me.
I often try to face them
While in a field they browse.
But moo moo moo how they scare me. *yodel*
I'd walk up to a lion and smack him on the brow.
I'd even kick a pole cat but don’t ask me to punch a cow.
I'd like to be a cowgirl, but ooh I’m scared of cows.
Moo moo moo how they scare me. *yodel*
<------- This album can be found on Amazon and it's got a performance of I'd Like to be a Cowgirl. It even has these songs:
~ Grandma Slid Down the Mountain
~ The Jazzy Three Bears
~ The Yodel Polka
Okay. Now I ask you the same question I've been asking myself. "Who is Matty?"
Why has he kept this secret from me? Does he have some deep down, hidden desire to be a "cowgirl" and the only thing that's held him back is that he's got some kind of fear of cows? Is he really a hillbilly at heart? Why hasn't he talked about this with me before? Why the secret? What does it mean? Who is he?
So in the interest of trying to find out what I'm dealing with here, I did some research and there's a term for fear of cows. It even has it's own article in Wikipedia: Bovinophobia.
Then I found an article on How Not to Be Afraid of Cattle. I mean, if this is who Matty is and he wants to overcome his bovine fear, well, I have to be prepared so I'll know what I'm dealing with.
But I got really scared and concerned when another site said this:
"It is indeed unfortunate that cow phobia therapies require months and even years to show results and in the process, the victimized individual has to be exposed to the phobic condition repeatedly as part of the treatment."
Okay, so maybe this is not the end of the world for our relationship. Maybe there's hope. But who do I talk to about this? I have nothing against hillbillies (or cows) but the only thing I know about them is from watching reruns of The Beverly Hillbillies. -------------------------->
But right now I'm trying desperately to figure out if I can support his possible desire to be a "cowgirl." Hey, who am I to judge? I've been struggling not to see this in a negative light. I mean, we all have our secret desires and I'm just doing my part to bring this out into the light of day.
What do you think? I need as much help, suggestions, and support as you can give.
Moo, Moo, Moo!
Moo, Moo, Moo!
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