Pregnant

No, not me.. Thank fuck.  NEVER have wanted to go that direction.. I would make a crap parent, I really would. 

So lovely to have dinner with my gf J last night!!  J  What a nice surprise. I always love a bit of spontaneous unplanned fun.. She texted me about 4.30, and we met up in one of my fave wine bars.

News: E’s kid has got his girlfriend pregnant. By ‘girlfriend’, I mean the 18 year old chick he was banging for a week or 2, then dumped, then decided he wanted to raise a kid with, when he found out.  Not a great start to a life..   

It’s interesting, brings up a lot of ‘stuff’ for me. That’s my own beginnings, too, exactly. My Dad knocked my mom up on about their 2nd date, and they stayed together and got married, when they really shouldn't have. It didn't go well.   I didn’t miss the irony of this one and how it plays into my own parental nightmare soperfectly. 

Fuck, a kid never helps a bad relationship.  

E is a good, kind-hearted person, and will probably end up taking more care of the kid and/or paying for child support, than I would like, because his 20 year old is so damn irresponsible, so his priorities will no doubt shift. It’ll make for an interesting change of course for our relationship eventually.

Can’t help feeling like the Play of this one is amazingly and bizarrely timed..   It will mean big changes sooner or later, in my relationship with E. I am SO not kid-equipped.  And I sound so selfish..  I know I am, which is why I never wanted my own kids. But really, he has no money available now, because the 'kids' are sucking him dry, as it is. How's this going to change that?  That little prick is not exactly good father material, either. I have issues with E's parenting style, he has raised a complete 'entitlement mentality' spoiled, selfish brat. 

Funny how these things come up and alter the trajectory of our lives, when we’re not always capable of making decisions for ourselves.  I think this will put such a spin on things..  I am in shock, to be honest.  LOTS of buttons pushed, which of course, is always what we need. 

And here I was, asking for a bit of Divine Intervention..  Jesus. Careful not what you ask for, but HOW you ask for it…

They might not even go that route, who knows, but it’s looking at the moment, like they want to keep the baby.  FFS. What kind of a life will that kid have with those 2 children as parents?  E wants me to have ‘the talk’ with them at the weekend. What the hell, they're not MY kids!  What could I say, except "Get the fuck rid of it, you morons!!"?  I can't help feeling that's not my job. But apparently she doesn't have a mother figure, and is living with her Dad. Poor girl.  Apparently he's pretty freaked out by it all. 

I feel like I'm being an asshole, but really. They have no sense of the weight this puts on all the other people in their lives besides themselves. Not to mention what might not be the best circumstances to raise a kid in. 

And here is a pregnant family member, barely 3 months after E's Dad passed. I think they do like to come back to those they love.  That at least, makes me feel a little better about it.  

I will have to be trying SO hard not to be a complete bitch at the weekend. Wow..  I'm not sure I won't say anything I won't regret.