I call my Depression one of two things.... The Broken Brain.... and/or The Monster... in reality it should be called The Warden.
There is so much I want to do but my D has me afraid of people - leaving the house - taking chances.
Yes I am having a bad day. First bad funk in a while.... with the exception of the usual melancholy or numb days.
I have so many talents and creative skills. I have a good personality. And I have so much I want to do. But the thought of leaving my house and going "out there" and taking a chance terrifies me.
Yes I am able to shrug it all off with that twisted sense of humour of mine. But The Warden is IN today and I feel worthless and useless and I hate myself. More than usual.
It will pass and I'll be back to Happy Charming Funny Damien (yeah yeah.... I know...)
But today I am a prisoner of The Warden in a Jail that feels like a dark hole with no ladder or ability to climb out.
If any of you ever think people living with Clinical Depression "Dont have it that bad / Are just drama queens" - come back and read my posts.
Coz I'm sugar coating it.
If I told you the thoughts that actually went through my head and the emotions and fears I have in HONEST detail............. you'd crap yourself.
Clinical Depression is a Jail and my broken brain is the Warden.
I hate it - but I have no choice but to live with it.
Shabbat Shalom and Blessings to you all.
Damien
xox
Post a Comment