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I Am In Jail.......

I call my Depression one of two things.... The Broken Brain.... and/or The Monster... in reality it should be called The Warden.

There is so much I want to do but my D has me afraid of people - leaving the house - taking chances.

Yes I am having a bad day.  First bad funk in a while.... with the exception of the usual melancholy or numb days.

I have so many talents and creative skills.  I have a good personality.  And I have so much I want to do.  But the thought of leaving my house and going "out there" and taking a chance terrifies me.

Yes I am able to shrug it all off with that twisted sense of humour of mine.  But The Warden is IN today and I feel worthless and useless and I hate myself.  More than usual.

It will pass and I'll be back to Happy Charming Funny Damien (yeah yeah.... I know...)

But today I am a prisoner of The Warden in a Jail that feels like a dark hole with no ladder or ability to climb out.

If any of you ever think people living with Clinical Depression "Dont have it that bad / Are just drama queens" - come back and read my posts.

Coz I'm sugar coating it. 

If I told you the thoughts that actually went through my head and the emotions and fears I have in HONEST detail............. you'd crap yourself.

Clinical Depression is a Jail and my broken brain is the Warden.

I hate it - but I have no choice but to live with it.

Shabbat Shalom and Blessings to you all.

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