I started my Scientology relationship class night, it was really good. I got a lot out of just the first week. I do recommend them, the Life Improvement courses, they are very down to earth, only cost $50 for about 4 weeks, (which is pretty reasonable, when you compare to other New Age bullshit that costs thousands and isn't nearly so good or useful!), and they use good sensible, easy to understand material to help you get a grip on the basics of life. It's not glamorous, just the basic stuff, which I think, makes it all the more valuable. Scientology is pretty good at that.
It's just a fucking shame that the higher up you go, the whackier things get, with talk of 'processing stations' on Venus, where you go when you die, where 'they' (who the fuck are 'they' anyway??) apparently wipe your memory. Um, yeah, whatever.. My Universe is not that paranoid.. That's one thing I dislike about E, he buys into that crap, and he's otherwise very smart.
It's such a shame, because the more sensible part of Scientology is pretty fucking awesome and useful, and if you apply it, really does improve your life.
So, I am just taking what is useful, and learning the 'tech' to apply to things like relationships, work, etc, and so far, it's been pretty helpful and good, and did help me to see the reality a bit more clearly, of what happened with Ex.
I took a 6 month hiatus from doing anything there though, because they were getting a little too intense about me coming to class, and booking more auditing, etc.
The auditing is pretty interesting, too, and I think useful. I got a lot out of the 30 hours I did. Things really did move forward for me during that time.
Anyway, relationships, here's the imparted wisdom from last night:
The A R C Triangle. Affinity, Reality, Communication. They are all interdependent, and form a 'triangle'. If you don't have one of them strong, it undermines the others, and your relationships collapse. The good news being, if you work on one of them, it's pretty easy to raise the rest and restore things to a decent level again. You just have to figure out which one of the 3 is the one that is the weak link. I think in mine and E's case, it's communication. My course teacher gave me some good suggestions about how to overcome my frustrations there, and I left the class feeling all warm and glowy towards E, and like I might actually want to work on this one, because he is somebody I care about. That's a result, I think.
Affinity or affection, makes a person 'real' to you, you create experiences, life together, etc, and that naturally is only done if the communication is also good. It's one big web, of course. Can't have much of the others, if one isn't present. Nothing 'new' or special or glamorous, just common fucking sense.
I really wish I had known about that when my marriage collapsed!! I saw so clearly exactly what happened. Master deliberately took away our fucking communication! No fucking wonder Ex started having 'affinity and reality' with bitch. He put her right in his path, and took me out of the equation. Cut our 'ARC' dead, and started theirs up.. We didn't stand a chance. Fucker. That makes me madder than hell.
Master HATES Scientology, which makes it all the more enjoyable and rewarding to go take a course, imho. So, if he hates it, he must have some knowledge of it, you'd think.Or else he's just a prejudiced asshat, which I also suspect. So he likely knew about his ARC thing, or at least some equivalent thing, and knew what he was doing when he split us up, and destroyed our sense of the 'reality' of each other, and the affinity between us.
I was thinking a lot about CEO, and how we have no 'reality', or very much opportunity for communication, but the affinity is definitely there, that goes 2 ways. He was so damn sweet this morning. Totally adore him. As well as being a total hottie, I am remembering why I fell for him, he's just a really fucking NICE, happy, positive person, and very genuine. I asked him if he could fit me in for 10 minutes somewhere in his day. He seemed really happy I asked, and said yes, he'd make it work somehow. We have been bantering quite a bit this morning, when he's been coming and going between meetings, it's been lovely.
He was cleaning the whiteboard off in the conference room, when I walked in earlier, I volunteered to do it for him, and decided it was a great opportunity to make use of my 'assets', as I reached and stretched and shook my booty a little when doing so. I could feel him watching.
I also leaned in very close over my desk with the old elbows squeezing tits together trick, when he was leaning my way to show me something this morning. I am probably overdoing it a little, but what the hell, who doesn't enjoy a little flirty energy once in a while? If I am, I hope it's doing his ego good.
Conclusion I have come to, (possibly slower than the rest of humanity might): CEO will make an awesome, awesome friend, and I will hang on in there, to see where our friendship goes, and he will remain my secret crush.. Meanwhile, I will work on improving things with E.
CEO has left his laptop on my desk while he's at lunch with my regular (and somewhat cute-but-Republican) boss, it's a nice reminder of him for the time being. I keep looking at it and smiling. Regular Boss said I look nice today, and I said thanks, that's CEO/CFO's fault. He laughed, and looked sort of mock-put-out, and said "What, don't I deserve you dressing up a little too?" I love him.
Got a lovely email from my mom, when I shared the photo, and was laughing at myself about how batshit I am. That's one thing, she can be a bitch sometimes, but when it comes to things like my crush on CEO, she gets it. Moms are great, aren't they? Most of the time, anyway. She's in a similar situation, only hers is a bit more real than mine is, hers lives about 300 miles away, and they actually get to spend the night once in a while at least. Good for her. He's 10 years younger than her, too. She's a bit of a cougar, always has liked younger men.
"Bless your dear Heart my love, I AM LAUGHING cos I know how it feels...all I EVER wanted was a picture of Ian, so's I could have it by my bed, and he would be the last person I see before I go to sleep, and the first when I wake up, and the pic you sent me looks remarkably like the back of Ian's head !! I know what you are trying to do, to have something to keep in your head and Heart, something to hold on to, it is a good medium to have, to hold close and make your Heart's wishes known to GOD...IT'S ALL YOU CAN DO... I will say my prayers for you too..I can only remember the last warm body hug that Ian and I had before he left the last time he visited. I feel sad that these things are all we have."
Please God, may you never read this, but I love you Mom!!
Mercury direct again, thank FUCK for that. This retro has been quite tough in a lot of ways. Saturn is moving, minute by slow, endless minute, off my moon..
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