Pattern

God, really feeling weird today. Can't explain it, restless, anxious, plus I have a sore throat and a bit of a cold coming on, with a cold sore coming up too. Facial herpes, lovely.. Just in time for CEO's visit Monday. Blah..
Feeling frustrated, like something has to change in my life, but I really don't know what or how to change it.  The obvious thing would be my relationship with E, but I don't want to ditch him, but I just don't know how to break out of the pattern we're in.
That's what has to change, the pattern, not the person I'm doing it with.

I did get a bit frustrated with him, we went to see Batman last night, it was pretty awesome, go! And when we got back, he wanted to raid my fridge, and ate everything in sight.. I finally gave up and made him some peanut butter on toast, which he kept offering me. No, I don't need the fucking calories, I want to actually stay UNDER 200lbs..  Fuck. It's an uphill battle as it is, without him waving toast in my face at 11pm.

I am 137lbs and depressed about it.  I am good at about 115.  I am a good 20lbs over a weight that I feel happy about.  30, even.  I would love to be skinny again.  I would miss my awesome tits though.  That's the best part. My 32E's..    

We are trying to get to the Oregon coast this weekend, but every b&b I have checked out is full already.  I want to go to the ocean, that always helps things feel better.

Interesting experiment. "Ok, let's see if I can telepathically make CEO call me.."  30 seconds later, CFO called! Not bad.. Missed by one.  He was all "Hey, CEO and I can't wait to see you, it's been a long time, we're looking forward to coming up!"  I consider that a result.  ;-)