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Do What Thou Wilt

Had lunch today with another co-worker, T, as E was in a meeting, so I went across the street to my usual haunt, and T walked in behind me, so I asked him to join me, it was nice. I love him, he's smart, funny, a martial arts expert, great to talk to. We got into a whole conversation about the Mayans and Quetzalcoatl, LSD and the 1960's and all kinds of interesting things..
I ended up asking him towards the end of the conversation, about what he thought of CEO and CFO. I got quite a bit of interesting info back! CEO is another martial arts person! He does King Fu. 
God, that just makes me think he's about 200x hotter than I already did, for some reason. I can see him pulling some Bruce Lee moves on me, and that just leaves me weak at the knees at the thought..
I am laughing my ass off at myself.  A great discovery..   He really likes CEO, and this guy is a smart judge of character. 
Ironically, he's the guy that scared the crap out of E last month, by saying "I hear a rumour that you and [Shakti] are about to split up!"  "BULLSHIT" says E, and got very defensive. 

Hmm..  So, I tried VERY hard not to make it look like I was too interested, more than just a general employee-curiosity. 

E has left for the day already, and he didn't kiss me goodbye, just took off, which is fine, but I won't see him over the weekend either.  I am sensing some withdrawing on his part, too, so I don't feel entirely like this one's on me. That's good.  I have been gone so much this summer, I just got back last weekend from the UK, now I'm away all weekend this OTO thing, and he was in a meeting yesterday and today over lunch, so it feels a little like the Universe is starting to create some distance between us. A good thing, I think.  I wish I was 100% sure, but I'm really not.   

Do What Thou Wilt, and all that...    Easier said than done, if you're not really all that sure what your Will actually IS. Knowing really helps, and I just don't.

I will be attending (what I am somewhat ashamed to admit is), my first Gnostic Mass on Sunday!  I am a little nervous, honestly. For some reason ritual has always made me really nervous, I think that's why I have kind of stayed away from the OTO community despite my lifelong draw towards Crowley and Thelema.  I was 14 when I first encountered Crowley, and it's been love ever since.  It's taken me 27 years to get to a Gnostic Mass! 

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