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Safety Blankie

Been having an adventure, I escaped the stratosphere this weekend with my relative from out of town.
It's funny, since that Gnostic Mass I went to, things have definitely opened up, life is creating more space between me and E.
I was away at the weekend, he's had a cold and didn't come out to play during the week, and I'm away next weekend too!  Before that, E took a long vacation at the end of the year off work, so we didn't see each other much during that time either. Just over the Christmas and New Years' weekends.

I am pleased, but also a little nervous, about what is going on there. I did miss him, it did feel weird, not to be there on Friday night after work, then to take off at the weekend without him!  He's my safety blankie.  I feel a little vulnerable without him.  In a good way, I think, but it's strange. 

We spent the weekend with D, Master's ex-friend. He's such lovely company.  We stayed up late talking and laughing, drinking vodka, after my guest went to bed. I am outpacing the 25 year old! She is impressed with my stamina.  This is good.   :)   So far, anyhow.

I had lunch with E today.  He just seemed a little distant, and so full of limits and reasons not to do things. Perhaps he's more of a wet blanket than a safety blanket.

Meanwhile, CEO is in town again in a week's time.  I am ok right now, only really thinking about him now I'm back at work after the weekend, and he's only a week away. I think my crush is morphing into something else, which is interesting. Don't know how to describe it really.  I think maybe I am just starting to be more realistic about it, and there's less fantasy.  I'm sure that will change back again into full on obsessive mode when he's here, I always fall right back into it when he walks in the door and I smell that gorgeous cologne.

I am at least capable of acting like a normal human being again at the moment, I think.

I sent him an email earlier, asking if there was anything he needed for next week. It's a nice habit to get into, he appreciates it, and that's about the only communication I've had with him since the office party a month ago now, which is good, doesn't make me seem like some freaky stalker. I have been very careful not to come on too strong after that, and have definitely backed off and toned it down.
Although, there was the phone call when I didn't recognise his voice, which he sounded sad about. It was nice to hear that in his voice.  :)

I wonder what the effects of playing hard to get are, on a man like that.  I have never done that before, I have always been too desperate, and lacking in self-confidence. Once I'm into a guy, I will pursue at full speed ahead in a desperate attempt to secure my prey before they take off and lose interest.  I have Mars in Aries. 

Not that I'm playing hard to get with CEO intentionally, that's just how it's been. I just felt that professionally, I should tone it down a notch.
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