horney paper storms: Sexual Culture

When I came out in 1990 (dragged out of the closet by my two closest friends at the time actually) there was no personal internet - no iPhones.... you got lucky by going to either a Beat (public sex environment / cruise area) - or a Gay Nightclub....

Needless to say - I knew where I stood in BOTH of these situations..... stood.... knelt..... laid back.... on all fours....... squatted....... bent......bowed............ sat.......... somersaulted (ill tell you about that one some day) ......you get the idea. There was a smile. A nod. Sometimes a wink. Often a blatantly suggestive crotch grab (me - guilty) and then it was on like two pigs fighting under a blanket - I heart those days.

NOW - O...........M.......... G........... Becky....... It.........Is ..........So..........Hard............... and not in the way I like.

There are SOOOOOOOOO many things you have to have to get some dick.

Some of them include but are not limited to......

Foreskin
No Foreskin
Bubble Butt
Nice Smile
All Your Teeth (Very important in the American South I hear)
A perfectly firm and full pair of Pecs
Smooth
Hairy
Daddy-ness
Boy-ness
Bear-ness (surprisingly common)
If an open relationship - one partner at LEAST must be Uber hot and be the top
Be total top
Be total Bottom
Be vers
Be prepared to BB (far more common than one thinks)
Be Just Around The Corner (this one seems to be a deal breaker)
Have At Least One Kink In Common
Have a Type Of Music You Like to Fuck To In Common
You Must Be Masculine..... Not Butch.... (wtf ?!?!!?)
And ........... the most important of all.......... be under 40.

Seriously - I've followed French Cordon Bleu recipes that were easier than this!!

Also - apparently you have to be either prepared to talk for many weeks before meeting - or - be an action hero on speed dial with the only conversation being "Oh yeah fuck that ass!!"

Too much for this old fat 40 yr old bear...... I'm going back to French cooking - at least if that doesn't work out all I have at the end is something that looks bad but is still good to eat.......

Shalom

Damien
xox

....Another comment from a heterosexual female.....

Now - Ladies - I am NOT making a misogynistic comment - I am simply sourcing the comment..

However, it does beg two questions....

(1) Why are gay men all about sex? (and we are - most of the time - let's admit it)
&
(2) Why are str8 women (in general) so prissy about sex?

(1).............

I was chatting with someone one day - I think it was a str8 male friend of mine back when I was studying ballet - who asked me if gay guys had more sex that str8 guys..... When I stopped laughing (yes I actually did) we got into a detailed discussion about (again in general) the coming out process and the subsequent experimentation that occurs. I noted that once you had gone through all of that the actual act of sex becomes almost a non-event..

Now - I am not cheapening the act of sex - what I am doing is pointing out how serious the event of sexuality emergence is compared to simply hooking up. PLUS - there is the other issue of hetero-normative importance - namely guilt - placed on sex.

Even today - in a culture saturated with sex and an overtly sexualised media - there is still a significant level of SHAME placed on sex and how and when it takes place. Children caught experimenting are punished - rather than educated. Teenagers who are dating have rules and boundaries placed on them - rather than parents or guardians sitting down and discussing the responsibilities and respect that relationships ( especially sexual relationships ) entail.

Now - when a gay / bisexual man gets to a point where he is cognisant of his identity - at peace with it - and exploring it - sex is easy. Relationships are still difficult - but the act of sex is an easy one. Plus us Men have one thing that women don't have .................. evolutionary hook-up genes.

I'm not joking. If you look at the evolution of man - placed in the context of a natural world - Man is a hunter and seeder. And I ain't taking corn and cabbage here. Males of the species have been designed by evolution to spread their genes as broadly as possible. Now, whilst gay men can't breed with each other (beyond the BB terminology) we still possess the drive. That's why I made the remark that women have a reproductive drive of 28 days whilst men have a reproductive drive of 28 milliseconds.

So - basically it's a long winded story - but evolution gave men testicles that DO NOT STOP producing sperm or hormones - and that makes us horny - most, if not all, of the time.

Now............. str8 women............... evolution made you people the Nurturer / Care-Takers.. and I personally think you got the rough end of the stick to be honest. Most women I have talked about this with - especially back in my sexual health days - had noted that their sex drive does wax and wane *generally* on a monthly cycle. Not that this is always the case. I have known some women whose sex drive makes a gay man look like a monk.

However, the most puzzling thing to ME is the generic attitude women *appear* to have towards sex. That is to be used as reward or punishment. Now - don't go Fatal Attraction on me here - because I'm talking from the standpoint of someone who has sat with groups of women who agree with this. And its the number one complaint of str8 men - that sex has to be earned....

Are you kidding me Ladies ?!?!?!? Really ?!?!?!?

And I have to ask - seriously I might add - if this is true, why the hell would women do this? What's the point of consciously doing something that is going to foster resentment and the potential of affairs? I understand that not everyone is in the mood all the time - but are women really so absent of desire? Or is it really just the politics of hetero-normative sex. If so..... then I have to say that str8 men AND women are getting screwed....... or....... not.... which is quite possibly part of the problem with how so many str8 relationships break down.

So again - for two posts in a row - a stream of consciousness that didn't necessarily lead anywhere - and that came from off the cuff remarks - but I'm keen to hear your reactions and POV's to this.....

Shalom and Blessings for you all

D
.

horney paper storms

The Politics of Penis........

....2 Gay... It's All Sex Sex Sex With You Gays!!.......