horney paper storms: Gay Culture

Showing posts with label Gay Culture. Show all posts

Friendship.....Wonderful.....Perilous........

Something I have noticed recently - especially since getting on Twitter - is just how many "friends" people have - and yet they are still very lonely and/or blatantly alone.

Social media is a double edge sword. It's puts us in touch with so many more people than we could EVER hope to meet in our own daily life - and yet - it can also exacerbate the realisation that, for some, we are truly alone.

I had a chat with my best friend today, and he is considering going back to his home country. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach with a jack hammer. And yet, his reasoning is sound, and based on many things that are - in the long run - probably the best.

Also, there is this absolutely lovely man (who reminds me a lot of my best friend actually - the two have almost carbon copy personalities) who I talk to on a daily basis over the net and various apps and I have developed genuine feelings for, and he for me.

And yet - he is half a world away.

Interestingly enough, this situation has highlighted something - I am lonely and *feel* alone.

Now this is not a cry for help or a pity party - just a realisation. Even living with my best friend, and my mother. Even with this wonderful man (albeit from another country) who is clearly keen on me. I feel alone. And I feel lonely.

I must be, because a negative behaviour I had back during my un-medicated days of my Depression has reared its' head - I want to fuck anything and everything around me. And I am consumed with porn.

This is not where I thought I would be at 40.

I thought I would have the husband - the house - the dog - the cat et al. And I am living with my best friend (also my ex), my mother, in a rented home - and I feel completely alone.

I relish the interactions I have with others online. Twitter et al. And indeed, it is the only way I can converse with some of my lifelong friends. And yet when the phone is put down and the computer is turned off..... I am alone.

My ex and I started as online buddies, then fell in love, lived with each other, loved each other, and then fell out of love for a multitude of reasons - and we were together for 10 years.. And it hurts like a knife being twisted slowly in my heart 24/7 - as I know it does for him. We have always hoped we would get back together. But sadly, it has not turned out that way.

I worry for him. I worry for me. And yet, the parting may be a necessity and could lead to a greater depth in our friendship. But - we will both be alone still. Together or apart.

I know some gay men who seem to have an ENDLESS supply of social contacts. I look at their Facebook profiles. Their Twitter photos. And I wonder - are they alone? Do they feel lonely? Is it just me? Is it just him? Although I don't believe it is. I think many adults are far more lonely than they let on. I think we are able to kid ourselves now because of the accessibility of "contact" on-line. When we consciously acknowledge our loneliness, we hop online and get a "fix". Have some laughs. Chat about everything and nothing. Then we log off.

And for me - that is when it hits.

I'm going to admit it. I am lonely - alone - and only know I am because I have someone who has the balls to tell me - and also by reflecting on my own actions.

So............ not the usual Thursday post..... but I am interested to here your thoughts on this post.

Shalom and blessings to you all.

Damien
xox

Communication.. Have We Lost It? ....

Something that has been on my mind for a while is how poorly gay men seem to communicate in general.

IN GENERAL - no more emails saying that I am dissing the ENTIRETY of Gay Men all over the world - if you think that, then you are not reading my posts properly and thus only reinforcing this one...

To continue....

When I came out - it was done so by 2 good friends of mine - one gay man, one bisexual woman - "literally" picking me up and carrying up a flight of stairs into a gay club for the first time. Oy vey - one HELL of a night - what is most memorable is that (a) I didn't pick up anyone for sex and (b) I had a great time talking with people. Engaging with people and having TRUE conversations.

Go into a gay pub or club here in Brisbane or Sydney for that matter - and you will more than likely spend the night standing alone. If you are approached it is usually only with the subversive agenda of talking to get into ones' pants. Yes - even chubby me gets that.

When did we stop being able to talk for talkings sake?

By that I mean when did we stop just being able to chat to someone without there having to be an undercurrent to any of it. Some of you will say that we haven't, but anecdotal evidence of my own AND good looking friends of mine would suggest otherwise.

Even in people friendly Orlando, Florida, I found this to be true. Bubb and I went to a bar there one night and we were both chatted to by the bartender in a very engaging and funny manner. He had us splitting our sides with laughter. But when he found out we were a couple, he promptly dropped us like a hot rock.

What the...?

Also, if you were approached by me, would you chat? Would you assume I was automatically hitting on you? Would you be respectful and engage - no matter how briefly? Or would you just give short, sharp, one word responses and hope I went away? Now this isn't about me but a general question.

Even more concerning seems to be the lack of communication in relationships. This IS something I have had experience with - indeed it was part and parcel of Bubb and I separating from a relationship into a "companionship". We both are able to talk readily and fairly comfortably now. But even now there are still some uncomfortable roadblocks that we endeavour to break through but is difficult to do so. It seems even after 10 years we still need to learn how to communicate in certain areas of our life together / with each other.

Now - if we can't communicate openly and honestly in a relationship, how can we do so in a new social setting where we may not know anyone? Or if someone is a new-single attempting to get back a social life which means trying to engage with new people?

I feel we have - to some extent - lost the art of chatting and replaced it with the tactic of "chatting up".

I'd be interested to hear what you all think...

Shabbat Shalom and blessings to all of you.

Damien
xox

2 Intimate - Platonic Cuddle / Make-Out Buddy....

Brenton over at Aussielicious did this piece....

http://www.aussielicious.com.au/2012/10/21/i-need-more-of-this/

And it got me thinking.............

I had plenty of fuckbuds before I settled down with "Bubb". Some of those were simple "Blow n Go"; others were "Get In - Get It On - For Hours - But Then Get Out" - and a few were genuine fuck-buddies.... as in maybe some food first; then the action; then maybe a drink after/dvd/dessert; then more action.......

But I have never had a Cuddle Buddy.

Like Brenton, I have heard of the cuddle parties that happen in the US - and I have to admit that the idea of them creeps me out a little - but the idea of someone who drops over and you have a cuddle / snuggle with and make out some..... maybe before during and after a nap ...... on the couch with a dvd.... on the couch just snuggling and making out - that appeals.

But how does one find that?

Given how hard it is for someone in my situation to find a root - finding an intimacy partner would be almost impossible.

Plus I do have to revisit the question - can you have an intimacy partner without feelings creeping into the situation?

It's easy for us to fuck - men in general have a very clear distinction between fucking and loving - but snuggling and kissing? Deep kissing with lots of body contact, maybe a little sweat from the combined body heat?

Hmmmm............................................... one has to ponder this.....

Your thoughts?

Gays Are Evil.......

No - this is not a post about Westborough or Romney et al......

This is my personal experience.

Currently I am in a depressive episode so I probably shouldn't be writing during the current stream of conciousness that I am experiencing but its my blog so fuck it and fuck you........

What is wrong with you people? When I came out in 1990......... with very few exceptions........... I found gay men to be open, friendly, fun, non-judgemental, as open to new friends as they were to new fucks.

But **now** ..................... evil.......... and not Karen Walker ha ha evil but ....... E-V-I-L.....

Seriously - you people are nasty, cruel, vindictive, judgemental, shallow, dismissive, and outright bigoted shits................................... against others in your OWN DAMN COMMUNITY!!

Do you arseholes understand the word community?? It's a contraction of Common Unity...... Meaning those of the same purpose...... aka..... people of the same persuasion........... aka GAY PEOPLE!! Read Twitter - read some of the blogs out there....... actually READ what people are saying!!

They make abhorrent jokes about fat gays..... openly diss asians and blacks....... mark Poz people as lepers ....... openly shit on the diversity for which gays stood up for 3 decades ago.......... and then they sit in the corner and cry like mewling babies because no one likes them or their boyfriends never stay long...

WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY YA EVIL LITTLE QUEEN!!!!!

Why WOULD someone stay around people so negative - so self centric - so bigotted - so vile.... you DESERVE to be lonely.

There are people out there with nothing but kindness and nobility in their hearts who seem to miss out but YOU ya little cunt get a revolving door of lovers you push away and then bitch about it???

Why do you think it is so easy for the haters to hate on us??? Because we hate on each other..... at a time when we should be coming together for equity and recognition - online / in public / at bars / at social groups / in blogs.............. hate hate hate hate hate.............

You should be ashamed of yourself - but sadly, you'll be more pissed that I called you out on it - then you'll cry about it - then go sit in the corner and chew your hate like a cow chews the cud.....

I am disgusted.

D

VLOG - Just Eat Less......

Polyamory......

Threeway Relationships......... Triads.......... Tri-Love......... "Family"............

Polyamory is a concept that I have struggled with... the idea of a relationship that is not just two people - but three. Now I have known people (bisexual and gay) who have been in this type of relationship and have said the following about it...

Is a balancing act.
You generally have to have an Alpha in the Triad... A "boss" as such - sometimes referred to as a referee
If done properly and with thoughtful consideration, it is an environment of total and complete love
Jealousy and Needy desires need to be carefully managed
Communication must be open and honest at ALL times
There is a risk of one person being ejected because a stronger bond forms between the other two
Three in a bed makes for the ULTIMATE in snuggle experiences
Three wages provide a financial environment that is very healthy and solid
Finances - again - must be an open and honest topic
"Common ground" boundaries must be established, agreed to, and upheld
If someone has a 'headache' - there is always another option lol
To have the love and care of two others during the bad times is wonderfully supportive
Triple the wardrobe
A Family unit that can be a wonderful domestic situation
The flipside of the Family Unit can be a "stuck at home" negative effect on outside socialisation
Trust has to be given unconditionally and reassured frequently
The Triads I have known have had one of two sex policies - Mongamous within the three ONLY - or - an invited fourth but NEVER one person going off and doing their own thing without the other two
Balancing moods between three gays.... c'mon... we all know what we're talking about here and let's be honest...... we ALL have our bitchy / pitbull moments.....

Now it is clearly a very fine tuned balancing act of emotions and needs and practical considerations that require work to maintain a healthy equilibrium...... Here's my question........ can there BE an equilibrium?

I only ask because in a traditional two person relationship equilibrium is achieved by the balancing of personalities - an outgoing nature may balance an introverted personality / a person with a lack of attention to details may be balanced by someone attuned to details / a romantic may balance a pragmatist - so with three how is it done?

The other obvious question is "Can you love two people romantically with that same deep, abiding desire for happiness that traditionally would be the focal point of only ONE person??"

Now - this is something that is hard due to my own working class upbringing of traditional relationship constructs. We've been told for centuries that relationships are two people (let's ignore the gender stuff for a moment) NOT more than two. And yet - the father of my religion - Avraham himself - had two wives. Most Jews until the modern era DID have more than one spouse..... they also owned slaves but that's a whole different blog post....

I can see in THEORY this type of relationship could work very well. But on the other hand I see the PRACTICALITY being very difficult. You would have to have three very mature people who have sophisticated skills of communication, empathy, consideration, support, and - of course - romance. There would also have to be a very careful management of jealousy. For example - two people were horny - the third isn't (bad day / cold or flu / just not in the mood) - and the two go off for a hot and heavy romp - how would the third feel? There would HAVE to be at least some minor feeling of being "left out" - so how is that managed?

Now I could write a novel on this topic because of the depths of and numbers of interactions when talking about three people AND then throwing LOVE and SEX into the mix.

So what are your thoughts?

Leave them in the comments section or email them to me and I'll do a mega post on them.

Thanks all.... I look forward to your thoughts.

Shalom and blessings to you all

Damien
xox

My 2 Cents On Gay........

There is a quote from Shakespeare...........

What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how
infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and
admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like
a god!

Now substitute the word MAN for GAY..... and re read it.

I'm not poking fun or making a jaded, bitter comment here. I truly believe it. What a piece of work is GAY MAN..... After all........ look at all the different types we come in......

Bears
LeatherMen
Muscle Mary's
Twinks
Gaysians
Draq Queens
Sirs
boys
Bois
Cubs
Otters
A-Gays
Preps
Daddies
Silver Foxes
Alt / Queer
Chubs
Chasers
Misters
Hunters

The list is almost endless..........

What a patchwork rainbow we truly are. Such a spectacle of diversity - all united in the love and attraction we have for our fellow male.

In the early years of the Gay Movement this diversity - that is, a collection of differences - was a foundation of truly awesome social change and progression, and is STILL the foundation of our desire for Equity today.

However, in recent years we have seen a disturbing trend of hate WITHIN the Gay Community. What was once a source of celebration and unification is now a means of division. The colours of our diverse rainbow become demarcation lines of social and sexual cliques that have grown into - at times - a hatred from within that can eclipse the hatred from without.

The three most obvious examples of this can be seen on our online searches for others.

Neg Only

No Fats

No Femmes

There are more of course..... but these are three of the most common.

In the mid 1990's when I worked in sexual health, there was an HIV awareness campaign here in Australia that I vehemently objected to. It was two posters with a single banner headline at the top "Are you Positive Towards Negatives?" or "Are you Negative Towards Positives?" I was part of a focus group of gay men at a national HIV/AIDS conference in Sydney that tested this campaign.

Many of us - negative and positive alike - disliked the idea of such an obvious use of sero-status as a TITLE. Many of us believed that this use of - and thus approval of - such identifiers would ultimately prove counter productive. And we were right. In the late 90's early 00's there was a move towards status based social matrixes. Poz men would reject Neg men as friends/social acquaintances and vice versa.

At this same time the unifying umbrella term of "Gay Community" was being vehemently rejected by Lesbians. Thus we became the Gay & Lesbian Community. Followed - more gently - as the Lesbian & Gay community. Then the LGBT - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community. And now - we have the LGBTQI - the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and, Intersex community.

A very wise individual I know who has worked in gay mens health for decades scratches his head when we discuss this. His idea is that we are so focussed on the patches - that we have forgotten the WORK. We have lost the TWINE that bound the patches, into a Patchwork Quilt.

What happened?

We are so vibrant. So diverse. So uniquely flavoured. And yet, these positives are most often used now as negatives that divide us and - at the personal level - exclude us from the one thing that all these different men seek..................... another.

We are - in truth - the manufacturers of our own loneliness.

I have many friends - who they themselves have many friends and even more social acquaintances - all single. All alone. And most - lonely.

Why? No poz. No neg. No fat. No old. No young. No (insert particular ethnicity here including white). No people of Faith. No clubbers. No nesters. No tops. No bottoms. No..... No..... No.....

I am reminded of and will leave you with the following that is the mirror of the above.

No Same Sex Marriage.

No Adoption Rights.

No Same Sex Immigration.

No Same Sex Partner Benefits.

No Gay Anti-Discrimination Clauses.

No Gay Military Members.

No ........... No......... No........

Shabbat Shalom and blessings on you all.

Damien
xox

I Need A Social Life........

Somewhat like this..........

However I am concerned it would turn into something like this........

Where do adults go to reclaim a social life?

Do I.........

Join a gay social group?
Take a class?
Just go hang out at the pub and hope for the best?
Stand on a corner with a sign........ Although that IS how I got that last Street Prostitution charge......
Blitz the gays online and hope a few match my needs/goals? Wouldn't that make me a stalker again?
Blitz the Interweb with an ad ?
Help.......

Seriously - as adults where do we go to meet new people and how successful / realistic will it be for me?

It's an interesting question to be sure.......

Thoughts my 2 Centers??

Shalom

Damien
xox

Be Butch. Be Tall. Be Masculine. Be Blah Blah...

Oh for petes sake...........

Do you know what The Gayelles problem is.......

They want fucking perfection!!!

Seriously - almost every bloody online gay has first a laundry list of what (naturally) you CAN'T be....

Dont Be Old
Dont Be Fat
Dont Be Femme
Dont Be Asian/Black/Latino/Muslim/Jewish et al
Dont Be Into The Scene
Dont Be HIV Positive
Dont Be Mental
Dont Be Blah Blah Blah

Then there is the list that you absolutely HAVE to be......

Be In The Gym
Be Smooth
Be Hot
Be Young
Be Like A Porno Star If You're Over 30
Be Neg
Be Safe Only
Be Into BB (yup - youd be surprised)
Be Employed In A High Paying Job
Be Romantic
Be Successful
BE SOMETHING BETTER THAN ME !!!

Which is really what it all comes down to. Gayes want someone better than they are. They want an ideal - not a partner - certainly not someone with flaws G-d forbid.

I had a friend - quite hot too - who once declaimed "I will never date a fat person. I don't want them to have a heart attack in the middle of them fucking me!!" - Needless to say that the individual in question met the man of his dreams and is still with him - and yes, it was and is a fattie.

Seriously - and gays wonder why they are alone and miserable.

Good Grief.

D
xox

I Have No Gay Pride.....

For me there is no gay community.....

For me there is no gay common unity.........

For me gays are just as divided and vicious as the community at large......

Actually.......... they are MORE vicious....... I have the scars................

The community at large has one thing we don't..................................

Common Hatred of Gays................

Because of this........ we will lose........ always.........

We have lost the cohesiveness that HIV brought us in the 80's & 90's........

How sad it took a virus to bring ALL of us together......

This is not sarcasm.........

This is reality............

Disagree if you wish - but do so quantitatively please..........

Anecdotes do not count..............

Shalom

Damien
xox

The Politics of Penis........

When I came out in 1990 (dragged out of the closet by my two closest friends at the time actually) there was no personal internet - no iPhones.... you got lucky by going to either a Beat (public sex environment / cruise area) - or a Gay Nightclub....

Needless to say - I knew where I stood in BOTH of these situations..... stood.... knelt..... laid back.... on all fours....... squatted....... bent......bowed............ sat.......... somersaulted (ill tell you about that one some day) ......you get the idea. There was a smile. A nod. Sometimes a wink. Often a blatantly suggestive crotch grab (me - guilty) and then it was on like two pigs fighting under a blanket - I heart those days.

NOW - O...........M.......... G........... Becky....... It.........Is ..........So..........Hard............... and not in the way I like.

There are SOOOOOOOOO many things you have to have to get some dick.

Some of them include but are not limited to......

Foreskin
No Foreskin
Bubble Butt
Nice Smile
All Your Teeth (Very important in the American South I hear)
A perfectly firm and full pair of Pecs
Smooth
Hairy
Daddy-ness
Boy-ness
Bear-ness (surprisingly common)
If an open relationship - one partner at LEAST must be Uber hot and be the top
Be total top
Be total Bottom
Be vers
Be prepared to BB (far more common than one thinks)
Be Just Around The Corner (this one seems to be a deal breaker)
Have At Least One Kink In Common
Have a Type Of Music You Like to Fuck To In Common
You Must Be Masculine..... Not Butch.... (wtf ?!?!!?)
And ........... the most important of all.......... be under 40.

Seriously - I've followed French Cordon Bleu recipes that were easier than this!!

Also - apparently you have to be either prepared to talk for many weeks before meeting - or - be an action hero on speed dial with the only conversation being "Oh yeah fuck that ass!!"

Too much for this old fat 40 yr old bear...... I'm going back to French cooking - at least if that doesn't work out all I have at the end is something that looks bad but is still good to eat.......

Shalom

Damien
xox

Rules of iPhone / Android App Dating..........

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......2 Pubes.....How Do You "'Scape"?.......

.........How do you manscape and what is your preference?.... Me - I give mine a trim once a month... Nothing too short - but definitely not "vegan-lesbian-armpit-braid" type bush..... just keep it neat and tidy. Like my lawn.

The Full Bush....

Now interestingly I can appreciate the Full Bush aesthetically. Very masculine. Rugged. Somewhat Cro-Magnon - and for me that has a real appeal.... However, when it comes "down" to it, I already have a lovely brand of dental floss at home and do not need anymore thank you.

****altho I have to say this is a full bush with appeal - but it's a package thing that would still involve flossing****

The Light Trim

This is my # 1 preference for a combination of aesthetics and function. No flossing. Still Manly. Noice.

****Nicely trimmed - even Serial Killer Couples clearly appreciate a nice man-land****

The Designer Trim

O............M........... G.......... unless you're a Stripper - or a Porn Star with a big bucks contract - wtf??? This is the male equivalent of vajazzling and enough said about that the better.... Not my cup of tea.

The Shave

This to me looks wrong on so many levels. You're trying to recapture your prepubescence?? You're secretly wanting to look like a woman?? Whats up with this? Is it your idea of a first line offense against crabs? I don't get it. And yet I posted a pic with a HOTTIE who had shaved his so.... I don't know. I am on the fence on this one....

..........Now I like the above pic only coz it's a HOT package and he's hung - but it still doesn't look right to me...........

....Again.... hot package..... but there SHOULD be hair there...... IMHO...

What are your thoughts?

Choose in the poll on the side.

Shalom

.....2 Oz.........Australia’s New Gay Icons........

TIM DUGGAN, founder of Australia’s leading gay and lesbian website SameSame.com.au, reveals the definitive list of Australia’s most influential new gay icons.

Ryan Kwanten ... supporter of AIDS charities in Australian and the US and is slowly earning his gay icon stripes.

For many years if you mentioned the words ‘gay’ and ‘icon’ in the same sentence, you’d instantly conjure up images of Cher straddling a canon, Judy commanding Carnegie Hall, Bette on the beach or Madonna twisting yoga poses into dance moves. But it’s twenty frigging twelve, and us new gays think it’s high time we politely shoved the previous generation of icons back into the closet and anointed a new breed of modern gay icons.

Some of them are gay, some are straight and a few sit somewhere in the middle – yet they’re all united by one thing: a healthy amount of respect and admiration from the gay community for fiercely being who they are. A strong sense of self is the biggest requirement to be considered an icon, and in the lead up to Sydney’s Mardi Gras this weekend, here is our pick of the definitive list of Australia’s most influential new gay icons.

Magda Szubanski ... modern gay icon.

Magda Szubanski
“There’s nothing wrong with being gay,” said Magda Subzanski last month when she confirmed the worst kept secret in television. “If there was a tablet you could take to cure it, I wouldn’t take it.” We loved her before she officially came out, but now she’s assured of her place in the gay canon for showing Australia just how normal (and funny) some of us are. Sure, it took her fifty years to step into the pink spotlight but Magda’s now opened the door to her real life and – perhaps more importantly – finally joined Twitter the day she came out so we can share in every minute detail of her life in 140 characters or less.

Kylie Minogue
It’s been 25 years since Kylie locomotioned into our hearts, and the mere fact we’re still talking abut Charlene almost three decades later is a testament to her talent. She’s made in through the wilderness - well, the Impossible Princess years - she’s beaten cancer, she cracked America (albeit briefly) and she’s managed to turn millions of detractors around to sell out shows all over the world. Although private at times, Kylie’s revealed just enough of herself to keep us interested, and with a sold out performance at Sydney Mardi Gras this weekend, she’s confirmed her place not just as a modern gay icon, but one that’ll be remembered as fondly as Judy, Bette and Cher. Long live the Pop Princess from Camberwell.

Olympic diver Matthew Mitcham became an overnight pin up boy after the Beijing Olympics.

Matthew Mitcham
As the first Australian diver to win an Olympic gold medal since 1924, openly gay Mitcham became an overnight pin up boy after the Beijing Olympics. It might have been because of his cover model looks, or simply that he shrugged off his sexuality as being as much a part of him as his skin colour. He’s been able to back up the success too, winning four silver medals at the 2010 Commonwealth Games and leading the Mardi Gras Parade in 2009. It’s rare to anoint an icon at just 23 years-old, but Mitcham has clawed his way from depression to the highest sporting honour in the world. For that alone he deserves a gold medal.

Shelley Argent
She’s the ideal mum; a suburban Queensland mother whose son came out as gay to her, which then set her on a journey from ignorance to being one of the most vocal campaigners for gay rights in the country. Supporting mums and dads of gay and lesbians all around the country, Shelley is the best straight ally you could ever ask for, and has just been announced as the Chief of Parade for Sydney Mardi Gras this weekend. For her tireless work, constantly sunny disposition and support in showing other parents just how it’s done as the National Spokeperson for PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), Shelley has rightfully earnt her place as the mother of all homegrown modern gay icons.

Michael Kirby
As one of the most talked Justices on the High Court of Australia, 72 year-old Kirby has had his fair share of public highs and lows. From being (very wrongly) vilified by Bill Heffernan to his nickname as the Great Dissenter, Kirby dug his way deep into the hearts of people everywhere with his legendary opening speech at the 2002 Gay Games in Sydney where his tale of meeting his lifelong partner Johan van Vloten ensured there was not a dry eye left at Aussie Stadium. Kirby is a true hero to people of all ages, confident enough to speak his own mind, and intelligent enough for it to be taken seriously.

Click through to see the full list of Australia’s most influential gay icons.

Alex Greenwich
You might not know his name, but history will remember Alex as the driving force behind Australia’s long overdue marriage equality campaign. Driven by a desire to marry his partner Victor, Alex fires up the pistons in the engine room every single day as the National Convenor of Australian Marriage Equality. Last week he dined with Julia Gillard to grill her on same-sex marriage and every day he herds the equality message into a coherent and powerful movement. You don’t just become a gay icon, you forge it out of passion and dedication. And when the Australia’s first gay couple stands before a celebrant to legally confirm their relationship to the world, Alex will be the one to thank.

Sia Furler
Singer and songwriter Sia has managed to do the impossible: keep every inch of her credibility whilst guest starring on tracks for Flo Rida (“Wild Ones”) and David Guetta (“Titanium”). It’s a long way from Adelaide for the former girlfriend of Le Tigre’s JD Samson who began her career as an ethereal vocalist and managed to carve out a quirky pop following, even picking up three ARIA Awards last year including Best Pop Release. With her unique vocal style and ability to keep her cool where other artists have failed, Sia’s an icon through and through.

Ryan Kwanten
Vinnie from Home and Away has really grown up. Best known now as the superbly built Jason Stackhouse from cult vampire series True Blood, Kwanten is a massive supporter of AIDS charities in Australian and the US and is slowly earning his gay icon stripes. “My youngest brother Lloyd is gay," he told The Advocate magazine. "He's a doctor, so he got every ounce of intelligence in the family. He was probably about 18 when he came out, and I can wholeheartedly tell you that from the day that he did, he was a changed man for the better. The sheer beauty of who he is really came through." Amen to that.

Molly Meldrum
You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s (almost) gone. After Molly’s recent home accident, we tried to imagine an entertainment world without Molly in it – and it was simply too difficult. The loveable Molly created his own niche in music journalism, befriending his subjects and disarming them in interviews. In the process he became as much of an icon as the stars in front of his microphone. The national outpouring of grief at almost losing Molly confirmed his status as one of the people we really look up to.

The Unknown AFL Player
This month Hawthorn Football Club President Jeff Kennett said he’d be “very surprised” if 40 or less current AFL players weren’t gay. Yet the AFL remains almost the only professional sport in the world where no player, past or present, has ever come out of the closet. It’s due to boofheads like Jason Akermanis who notoriously warned players to never come out. So to whoever the first player is that has the courage to tell they world that they’re proud of who they are, you are Australia’s true modern gay icon. I truly hope there’s enough light peeking through the crack in the closet door for you to reach towards.

....2 Know.......Simon The Sex Worker On Testing....

.....well 2 Centers - Simon is popping in for a quickie Q&A... he was intrigued by my recent bareback poll and wants to add his own 2 Cents re Testing......

(2CW) Hey Simon. Welcome back and thank you for doing this.

All good. It's a topic close to my heart and genitalia after all ;)

(2CW) Now you have left sex work I understand? Can we do a more in depth profile on that another time?

Absolutely! Happy to :)

(2CW) Thanks. Now. Firstly, tell us about your testing regime.

OK - as a professional in the adult sex industry, I get tested for EVERYTHING monthly. This is the law in the State of Victoria. I get a full bloods and swabs test. This includes;

HIV
All blood borne STI's (sexually transmitted infections) including Syphillis
Penile, Oral and Anal swabs or Gonorrhea, Herpes, Chlamydia and Warts
A pee in the cup to see if there is urinary infection
And a full "look over" my cock, arse and throat for physical symptoms of anything
I also get my Doctor to feel my balls for lumps and bumps - this is a testicular cancer first step test that *I* think everyone should get.

(2CW) OK - I have to say that is quite the battery of testing. Now how about pre-industry? How did you get tested then?

Before my work in the sex industry I was pretty clueless and all I did was HIV and Hep A & B vaccinations. I didn't get any of the other tests done coz I thought I was a hot guy who couldn't catch anything coz I only fucked hot guys. Looking back I see that was TOTAL bullshit. *I* think that it's the hot guys (hot douches actually) you have to worry about coz their arrogance keeps them ignorant. AND it puts you at risk.

(2CW) Have you ever caught an STI?

Yes. I've had crabs a bunch of times. But they're just inconvenient. I have had NSU (Non Specific Urethritis) twice, Chlamydia once, Penile Gonorrhea once, Penile Warts once, and a throat infection that was diagnosed as sexually related but came back negative on tests.

(2CW) Did you freak out?

The only thing I freaked out about was the wart - that's coz warts can increase your chance of testicular cancer.

(2CW) Now you're not in the sex industry any more, is your testing regimen going to change?

Yeah. It'll now be quarterly. Still the same battery of tests. But every three months.

(2CW) Your advice to anyone reading this?

Get tested. Get tested often. Know your body. You can never be paranoid about your health. Any weird colouration, lump or bump or ooze - get it checked.

(2CW) Thanks for dropping by mate and we'll talk again soon re your exit from the Industry :)

Shall do - take care all. Peace.

.............There you go - straight from the professionals mouth.....

....thoughts?....

D
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Shalom n G'day 2 Centers!

Today on the blog we have a very interesting profile. As you all know, on my trip to Sydney last October, I visited and enjoyed the services of the very handsome and very humble Richard aka The Naked Barber. A few of you were very curious as to the whole experience and how he got into it.

...So......... here for your enjoyment and education, please make feel very welcome Richard, The Naked Barber.

(2CW) Shalom Richard and welcome to 2 Cents. Thank you so much for agreeing to do this.

(TNB) That's okay, thank you for asking me.

(2CW) Firstly, before we get into the Naked Barber stuff, did you have a background in grooming / hairstyling before? Can you tell us about what you did pre-Naked?

(TNB) I was 15 when I left school to do my 4 year hairdressing apprenticeship. After I that I moved to Brisbane where I worked as a senior stylist for about a year, when I quit my job because of sexual harassment from my boss. The funny thing was, that I went from quitting a
job because of sexual harassment to working in a gay massage parlour. Where happy endings was part of the job prescription. As a young guy, I was making a lot of money and spending it all on god know what!!! After 6 months of rubbing and tugging I finally went back to hairdressing with nothing to show for it! Moving back to the Gold Coast when I was 21 and working in a salon that had a rent a chair system. Where I ended up pulling in a lot of client's as I was specialising in hair extensions at this time of my career and for the first time in my life "I Saved Money" and open up my own salon by the age of 23. I was way to young and really
wasn't over the party life yet! So after 2 and 1/2 years of working, partying and more partying. I finally just broke down and lost my salon because of it... I ended up moving to a large country town called Wagga Wagga. This is where I started getting into men's grooming. As I was working in a barber shop in the middle of the town and the owner also had small salon at the RAAF Base, where I worked 2 days a week... There waxing was a huge thing with a lot of the men at the RAAF Base.

The following year I moved to Sydney, where I got a job working in an up market salon. I was back doing women's hair and I found myself wanting to spread my wings and move to London to see if I could make something of myself over there (as I was only getting older)and you can't get a working permit after the age of 30. Arrived in London at the age of 29 and worked in a funky salon in Camden Town. As much as I loved London I really could not stand the weather and didn't want to stay another Winter! So after 18 month, It was time to come home for an Australian Summer! when I arrived home I got a job managing a barber shop in North Sydney. After doing 16 months there, I ended up leaving to do what I do now!

(2CW) Did you enjoy the 9-5 hairdressing?

(TNB) No, not at all... That was one big plus about starting my own business.

(2CW) Have you always been a nudist?

(TNB) As a kid, I never seemed to care much about nudity. Even as a teenager I had a group of friends that would get drunk naked! I don't mean get drunk then get naked, but the other way. we would strip off and then drink... I think, we thought we would get drunk a lot quicker if we were naked or something like that! LOL

(2CW) How did you come up with the idea of combining nudity and grooming?
Also, whilst on the subject, can you define FETISH GROOMING for us all please?

(TNB) The idea come after a few wines at dinner party with my room mate I had at that time. It was such a great Idea, I just could not let it go!

Fetish Grooming is a service that is provided for people that have a grooming fetish - An act where one persons sexual fantasy is played out, in a submissive role, whilst being "groomed" by a dominant man or Master. Many men are turned on by their barber experience. From the shaving cream to the hot towel, being caped up and having the barbers crotch rub by you as you are sitting in the chair having a haircut or even just liking the smell of the baby powder at the end...

All of this and more comes into play with The Naked Barber experience!

(2CW) Describe the set up of your studio.

(TNB) It's a fully equipped barber shop in an underground sand stone
studio, that I like to call The Naked Barber's Dungeon.

(2CW) Describe what happens in a basic visit. What happens from when the client walks in the door? Are you naked? Do they get naked? What happens?

(TNB) Not all of my clients want me naked, some want me in leather or sports gear and others may just want some good old fashion grooming done, with none of that kinky stuff added... But most ask me to be naked and they tend to get naked with me. I guess some of them have too, if they come in for body grooming services that is...

(2CW) Now it should be pointed out that your service is a GROOMING service - albeit a unique kind - but NOT a sexual service correct?

(TNB) It depends how you look at it! I don't have sex with my client, but It can still be a sexual experience of some kind "I guess". I do a lot of pubic grooming (Waxing and Shaving). With this service you find most guys are highly aroused and would get hard or even cum during the process.

(2CW) I have to be honest and say that from how welcomed and lovely you made me feel - you actually also made me feel.... well ........ sexy isn't the word ..... 'good' is closer but the right one eludes me. You really do have a wonderful sense of "I'll take care of you" that you transmit through your touch. It was a really wonderful and unique experience for me. PS I have to say that initially at least, it was a really sensual experience too. Without being grotty or explicitly gross.

(TNB) Hearing stuff like that is why I keep on doing it... Thank you!

(2CW) You host a weekly event at my FAVOURITE Sydney Pub "The Oxford Hotel" called 'Buzz'. What is that and how did it come about?

(TNB) When I first started The Naked Barber business, I was approached by a few night club promoters and started doing buzz cuts at clubs and dance parties. It was a lot of fun turning up in full leather chaps and harness to do buzz cuts for drunken or drugged out bunch of kids. All I kept on thinking was, wait till you wake up tomorrow and see what you have done. After working in the scene for about 6 months, I was seeing a gap in the gay scene for butch (masculine) gay men, who didn't want to go out to gay pub's that are playing Lady GaGa and Madonna songs or worse yet, seeing a drag queen trying to lip sinking to it! So I asked a DJ friend of mine, what he would think if I got him to play rock music as I do buzz cuts on stage in a gay pub. He loved the idea even more then I did and we took it to the Oxford Hotel and ended up grabbing a weekly gig there... After a year we are still going strong. Every Thursday night from 8pm.

(2CW) You have a partner I believe, how does he/she feel / deal with your line of work?

(TNB) He already knew who I was and what I did when I met him. He seems to be OK with it as a job. I think he finds the rest of it a bit hard to take. Like the self marketing part of the job!

(2CW) Now you knew that I just could not go past without asking about THE SLING. Why does a fetish groomer have a SLING that he uses in his grooming service please? Should I add "Sir" onto the end of that LOL....?

(TNB) Hehehe If it helps you to play out a scene in your head, then you can call me "Sir". As for the SLING, that is where I do all my scrotum and arse grooming. I find its an easy way to get in and deal with all those hair problems LOL..

(2CW) Lastly - the 2 Cent Quickies that we put on most profiles...............

Favourite Drink..... VB (Beer)

Favourite Breakfast Dish... Bacon & egg roll

Red or White Wine... Red

Mayo or Mustard... Mayo

Favourite Television Show... True Blood

Classical or Modern and why... Both

Favourite Book... Dark side of the light chasers By Debbie Ford

Recent Film you enjoyed... Paranormal Activity 3

Favourite Sunday Morning Activity.......... Going out for breakfast

Favourite Way To Relax............... Day at the beach

If someone wants to impress you when you're out they should......Be confident, without being arrogant!

(2CW) Richard, thank you so much for your time and I wish you well and
continued success in your very unique and fantastic business........... Shalom and Thank you

(TNB) Thank you!

.

......2 Gay ....... The Gay Dating Culture of MORE........

............so........... since Bubb and I officially separated, we have both been looking at how we could meet new people socially. So being two i-Gays we loaded up our portable mobile devices with Grindr, Scruff, and I even popped on Growlr and Mister......

..........Now (purely speaking for myself) I have had some very interesting and downright laugh out loud conversations with some really lovely people - ELEVEN THOUSAND KILOMETRES AWAY !!!!!!.......Yes - the most stimulating and interesting chats have been with men in the USA ..........Most notably Seattle, San Diego and Tuscon..... I seem to be very popular on the West Coast.......

.........Interestingly enough - the chats on the ground in my local area has been been rewarding but somewhat LIGHT in terms of frequency......... Through my wanderings in the dating / social meeting desert that is gayberspace - I have learnt a few things about my fellow wanderers and it eerily seems to mirror a simliar post by my good friend Brenton over at Aussielicious HERE..... I've even completely stolen his pic on the topic as it is a clear, diagrammatic representation of an intriguing axiom.........

.......Now it seems that if one is seeking social / sexual meetings one MUST by very definition classify their own looks and then aim at least one - or preferably MORE - levels above......

.....If you are naturally fit - you must ONLY ever aim for and accept invitations from someone who has a gym built athletic - but not huge - build.....

....If you are gym built athletic with pecs and respectable guns - you must ONLY ever aim for someone who requires a diet of three skinless grilled whole chickens and several protein supplements per day whilst fitting in at least two weights workouts (free-weights only of course - never machines ).....

.....If you are someone who has done porn (even if you were just the dude who got the sandwiches) you must ONLY ever date / fuck porn stars and ONLY if they are actually currently employed as such. Retired porn stars are not viable.....

....If you are a twink who models on the side whilst going to uni (or not) you can only accept invitations or solicitations from someone who looks EXACTLY like you - their hair may differ - but their overall look may not.....

....If you are someone who is professionally employed - you must ONLY ever aim for those who earn at LEAST 25k a year more than you - however, that rule MAY be bent if the invitation comes from a hot bartender or smoking hot model whose day job is as a barista.....

.....Interestingly - in MY world - that of the chub / bear / cub culture - the only requirement seems to be a pulse and a propensity for beer and greasy food - WOO HOO !!! - except I'm allergic to beer.....

....OH !! and one more thing - if you ARE a chub / bear - you will no doubt receive several hundred invitations from hot chasers - some military - who are in absolutely no situation or location that may make meeting viable.....

...... On a personal note - to the Army Lad in California - I am particular touched by the breadth and depth of what you would like to do to me - and I am particularly impressed that you seem to have my good health in mind, hence all the conversations about tossing my salad - and indeed you are the finest thing I've personally seen in a long time - so thank you for buoying my self esteem to the level you did. It resulted in some emergency laundry - but it was well worth the detergent and fabric softener used...........

.....Now............. you'll excuse me but Scruff is calling......

Shalom

D
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...I Do..........Australians For Marriage Equality........

...2 Contemporary....Egypt's Gays Gradually Coming Out Of The Closet .......

CAIRO: Pop star Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl was playing on speakers set around the dimly lit dance floor. Kholoud Bidak, a 33-year-old lesbian, leant against an old piano, scanning the entrance warily as guests paid $5.70 to get into one of Cairo's increasingly common underground gay parties.

Just months ago, a raid by Egypt's vice police would have been a concern at gatherings such as this.

But on the recent sweltering Thursday night, as men in pastel-coloured, V-neck T-shirts streamed in, a crackdown was the last thing on Ms Bidak's mind. She worried whether a certain woman might walk through the door.

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Egypt's gays emerged buoyed from the uprising that toppled President Hosni Mubarak in February and have turned a handful of public venues into spaces where it's safe for men to dance with men and where women sit on each other's laps.

Activists are also getting together and quietly planning campaigns they hope will enable gays and lesbians to live openly in a country where sexual minorities have long been ostracised.

Websites used to meet gay men are once again popular because police appear to have ceased using them to conduct sting operations.

Some people even have created an anonymous Facebook page with a provocative goal: ''A Gay Pride March for Egypt in 2020.'' Most of the revellers at this second-storey venue, tucked behind the courtyard of a decaying downtown building, were in their 20s and 30s.

Scott Long, an American human rights researcher who has studied Egypt's gay community for years, watched in amazement as hips swung on the wooden dance floor.

''For me, it's an astonishing thing to come here and find that there is a community,'' he said.

A similar community had begun to take root in the late 1990s in Cairo at a handful of bars, but in 2001, vice officers started a crackdown spurred, Dr Long said, by a war of words between the Mubaraks and a rival political family, the Sadats, who offended the president by suggesting a prominent relative of his was gay.

Vice officers created fake profiles on gay websites and set up meetings with men looking for dates.

''People would just disappear,'' Dr Long said.

.......2 Hot....To All The Leathermen I've Loved Before...

..............I do luvs me a good man in some dead cow hide :) .............