Polyamory......

Threeway Relationships......... Triads.......... Tri-Love......... "Family"............

Polyamory is a concept that I have struggled with... the idea of a relationship that is not just two people - but three.  Now I have known people (bisexual and gay) who have been in this type of relationship and have said the following about it...

• Is a balancing act.
• You generally have to have an Alpha in the Triad... A "boss" as such - sometimes referred to as a referee
• If done properly and with thoughtful consideration, it is an environment of total and complete love
• Jealousy and Needy desires need to be carefully managed
• Communication must be open and honest at ALL times
• There is a risk of one person being ejected because a stronger bond forms between the other two
• Three in a bed makes for the ULTIMATE in snuggle experiences
• Three wages provide a financial environment that is very healthy and solid
• Finances - again - must be an open and honest topic
• "Common ground" boundaries must be established, agreed to, and upheld
• If someone has a 'headache' - there is always another option lol
• To have the love and care of two others during the bad times is wonderfully supportive
• Triple the wardrobe 
• A Family unit that can be a wonderful domestic situation
• The flipside of the Family Unit can be a "stuck at home" negative effect on outside socialisation
• Trust has to be given unconditionally and reassured frequently
• The Triads I have known have had one of two sex policies - Mongamous within the three ONLY - or - an invited fourth but NEVER one person going off and doing their own thing without the other two
•  Balancing moods between three gays.... c'mon... we all know what we're talking about here and let's be honest...... we ALL have our bitchy / pitbull moments.....

 Now it is clearly a very fine tuned balancing act of emotions and needs and practical considerations that require work to maintain a healthy equilibrium...... Here's my question........ can there BE an equilibrium?

I only ask because in a traditional two person relationship equilibrium is achieved by the balancing of personalities - an outgoing nature may balance an introverted personality / a person with a lack of attention to details may be balanced by someone attuned to details / a romantic may balance a pragmatist - so with three how is it done?

The other obvious question is "Can you love two people romantically with that same deep, abiding desire for happiness that traditionally would be the focal point of only ONE person??"

Now - this is something that is hard due to my own working class upbringing of traditional relationship constructs.  We've been told for centuries that relationships are two people (let's ignore the gender stuff for a moment) NOT more than two. And yet - the father of my religion - Avraham himself - had two wives.  Most Jews until the modern era DID have more than one spouse..... they also owned slaves but that's a whole different blog post....

I can see in THEORY this type of relationship could work very well.  But on the other hand I see the PRACTICALITY being very difficult.  You would have to have three very mature people who have sophisticated skills of communication, empathy, consideration, support, and - of course - romance.  There would also have to be a very careful management of jealousy.  For example - two people were horny - the third isn't (bad day / cold or flu / just not in the mood) - and the two go off for a hot and heavy romp - how would the third feel?  There would HAVE to be at least some minor feeling of being "left out" - so how is that managed?

Now I could write a novel on this topic because of the depths of and numbers of interactions when talking about three people AND then throwing LOVE and SEX into the mix.

So what are your thoughts?

Leave them in the comments section or email them to me and I'll do a mega post on them.

Thanks all.... I look forward to your thoughts.

Shalom and blessings to you all

Damien
xox

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"Ding, Dong.... the Witch is Dead!"

[Copyright 2000, all below by this blog's author]


TERMS OF ENDEARMENT

Once you have a relationship
you can never
Not-have-a-relationship
til one or the other [de]ceases.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Or
Out of sight, out of mind
But, not nothing.

Til ONE is nothing.
And then you have --- a memory.



I don't know what pic I'll find to post. I have none of her anymore. But I will extend the 24 hours a little that I gave not to speak ill of the dead. She passed away at 12:25 AM, Wed., 8 Oct 2008 in the ICU of a Tallahassee hospital. She told our sons to go home the preceding evening and, "See you tomorrow." About 2:30 PM of that "tomorrow," I started to get phone calls while I was in the shower and had left the phone by this computer. By the time I heard the urgent, second set of rings, I sensed what they must have been about. Checking the cell's "last call list," I found an uncharacteristically-timed call from my best friend in Tallahassee. My friend confirmed what I had expected. He had called when I didn't answer the sons' previous 2 calls from the shower.

He was surprised that I had no change in attitude or plans about what I was or was not going to do. It figures 'cause he has little psychological insight into ANYone's behavior or what causes it, ANYway! (History "majors" must understand facts, not relationships.) Which leaves him in the cold about any real understanding of the "no-fault" misery she is STILL causing me! WORSE than worthless... Thanks for NOTHING, EX-. We really did NOT deserve each other!

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