Yeah, I couldn't wait to get started on my homework from Friend this morning.. Until part way through, I realised that all my sexual life, I have indeed used sex to get love.
Worse, I have always had a strong sex-drive, and have always had the lack of self-worth that has made the chase very one-sided. It's always been me doing the chasing.
It's not like I never had that realization before, but there was something more sad about it this morning. I ended up in tears, and wishing that for once, I could be pursued, not the one doing all the chasing.
I have never been ravaged, passionately pursued, guys have never fought over me in a bar, I have never had anybody beg for my love, really 'court' me, or fight to keep me, if I have walked away. SO many times I have walked away, just wishing they wouldn't let me go so easily.
So I never got as far as finishing my homework.
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