Enough

What is it about me that makes men want me, but just not quite enough?

All the loves of my life have been like this, somewhat ambivalent, interested enough to keep me hanging on, and out of my own need, I've let it go on, accepted 2nd best, not manifested somebody in my life that wants me quite enough to really make it work? Where is that man, the one who would break the door down and steal me away in the night, rather than wait, politely, conscientiously, like a good boy? I don't want a good fucking boy, I don't want a nice polite guy, I want a man, that will treat me like a woman. Does he exist?

Feeling frustrated with A's waiting game tonight. All this talk of politely keeping his distance out of respect for Husband, etc. Is that true? Or is he scared of something real? Or just not that into me? Where is your shit A, I've confessed most of my own fears. Why are you hiding?

I feel the pain of perhaps every woman alive, that there is no man that can really give me what I need. I get so sick of hearing from the spiritually minded, that all I need is in myself, and I just have to fucking find it in there somehow like a kidney or a spleen.

No, I sometimes just need to feel wanted by a man that would do anything to have me.

This blog is probably going to be full of shit like this for a while, the rantings of a desperate addict in withdrawal.