Eclipses

Feeling the wound today, of all that could possibly overwhelm me, but it's somehow OK, and better than it was yesterday. I have only spent about 5 minutes crying today so far. I didn't think about A for a full half hour when I woke up this morning. I was up and out of the shower and dressing before I gave him my first thought of the day.

He sent me a sweet email last night, which was appreciated. He very obviously does care, I just wish he felt the urge to fuck me like I need, too.

I think I saw a few things in the astrology he was asking me about yesterday. His Venus will be hit hard by the upcoming eclipse on August 6th, in a tight square. (His Venus is square my Sun, which also explains a lot.) That should be interesting. Uranus also went retrograde on July 1st, same time as his sexual interest in me started to wane, around the exact time we had our wild fuck-filled weekend. Uranus is what fuels a lot of our sexual chemistry and synastry.
It is set to go direct on December 1st. That is a long time to wait though, and perhaps I have to wait even longer, until it gets back to where it was in July, before it triggers 'our stuff' again. I will no doubt have moved on by then, but...
At least I have some kind of excuse or reason for what happened. Blame it on the sky. And don't have to blame myself so much. Perhaps. Anyway, it helped to see that perhaps it was 'fate' and not just my own inadequacies, or his unwillingness to feel.

I timed it deliberately that we got to fuck on the July 7th eclipse. My mistake. I had no idea which way it would go, I should have been more careful. I eclipsed myself out of a lover, maybe. And of course, the middle eclipse was when Husband asked me for the divorce. I feel like some superstitious Middle Ages idiot, scared of a solar eclipse, but I have lived through too many of them lately. One more to go. Being an Aquarian, it will hit me right in the Sun, the Will.

There was a very nice comment left for me on my other blog that boosted my sexual confidence a little. That has taken a sharp nosedive in the last few weeks. I appreciated that, too!