Pluto

Damn Pluto Retrograde.. I missed it. It happened yesterday. I should've seen this one coming. I haven't been keeping a close enough eye on the astrology lately.

Pluto is all the issues I have been facing lately. So is Saturn, which is conjunct my own natal Pluto for the next while. Combined, they are fear, death, grief, endings, sadness, limitation, sickness, restriction, pain, loss, inevitability, violence, primal energy, karma, underworld initiations, confrontation with stark ugly cold reality.

They are also wisdom, power, courage, discipline, truth, healing, moral strength, maturity, sex, persistence, clarity, Fathers, Masters, Teachers, higher learning.

Anyway, feeling better today. Feeling less shocked and numb, and more like I can see the bigger picture, perhaps.

Last night while watching some mindless movie distraction garbage, I started to feel the spirit current descend, that feeling like having an egg cracked on your head. It worked it's way down and through my heart, until there was a moment's point of bliss there, that spread out as heat. I texted Master to tell him. Then Husband called and asked me out to dinner. He was with Master, they were waiting for a sign from me. Interesting. Master's transmission is remarkable sometimes. Anyway, it was a beautiful moment of interconnectedness that showed me that mind is not the ultimate reality. Love is.

Husband and I celebrated a big anniversary yesterday, ironically enough. We went out to dinner and took a long walk in our local park in the dark, it was nice.

I don't think this situation need be as bleak and catastrophic and final as mind and fear would tell me it is. In my weaker moments I tell myself all kinds of doom and gloom things, and freak myself out. All that self-doubt. Part of this process of spiritual life is to learn not to buy the things the mind tells you. Mind and ego are sometimes so poisonous, that negative inner voice so sneaky, it has nothing to do with love, and everything to do with fear.

Maybe Pluto going retrograde will ease the pressure a little, give me 6 months to face some fears in the light of day, rather than alone in my room of mind, with no flashlight in the dark, convincing myself there are monsters.