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New Year, New Start?

I am feeling a bit better than I was yesterday.  I had PMS, I get so fucking sad on those days, so full of self-pity.

Here I am again, thinking about leaving Master's company. Not because of him, he is the only sane one there, but because it stirs up so much pain, to be around those people, to be around Ex, to miss him so fucking much and not be able to even say hello or smile, because I feel so much pain when I try, and to constantly have his new 'intimacy' in my face. ('Intimacy' my ass. He will realize that before too long. She has real 'intimacy' issues!!)

I need to heal. I need to go away. I need to get on with my own life, away from all that drama. How many times do I keep coming back to that, and somehow let either Master or one of them persuade me to come back around, and all that happens is the pain comes back. Like constantly poking a wound, not letting it heal over.  

I just want to be left in peace now, away from all that craziness and drama. I want to build up other friendships and relationships, create a new life. I have done it before, many times, I can do it again.

You know, I don't know if I really can. The thought of never having any contact with Ex again is unbearable. 
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