.......2 Reveal...............I Am Sad Tonight............

.................and I only have myself to blame.



You see..............3 years ago I invested in a gym membership and a trainer and lost 15kgs, approx 40 pounds..... I felt good and looked better...........



Over the last month I have put it all back on and then some............



I don't know why............except to say I feel a sadness that is all encompassing...........



I do not know why I am feelings this way.............. is it my depression? and is this an episode?,,,,





Is it something else that I am unable to identify? I just do not know..............



I wake up each morning with a fatigue that is worse than it has ever been and I do not know why I am feeling this way........



I am on my meds.... I am taking a multivatamin......... I am taking fish oil............. I only have alcohol one night a week............. I am lost............



Actually - I think that is it............................ I feel lost............. but I dont know what from or how?



At times like this I wish for something......... I have no clue or idea what........... but I wish / yearn for SOME thing............ I just wish I knew what............



This probably makes no sense to you - and the haters of my blog will tell me I am being a drama queen but I feel like I am adrift in something beyond me.......... and it makes me feel frustrated and sad and angry all at the same time...........



I wish I could just scream out "Help me !!!" and someone / something would swoop down and assist - but I know that only happens in comic books and movies......



Maybe I have finally given up...........



Maybe I have finally accepted that a fat old cub is what I am.........



I don't know.............



I realise many of you will not care even slightly about this.............. but my blog has always been about showing you my life - raw and uncensored......... and this time......... it makes me uncomfortable and ashamed.....



Again - I do not know why................



Perhaps - I am just the hoot owl I have always been afraid to acknowledge........... maybe by admitting the crazy I may deal with it better................



I dont know...............



I really dont............



Shabbat Shalom



Damien

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