A Whirlwind

A whirlwind.

That's what I feel like I'm in the middle of lately.

I shouldn't be surprised. But I am.

I feel like this big gust of wind has surrounded me and is sucking me up, up, up. It's that feeling I get when so many things are happening all at once and I don't get to pick any one thing to focus on to slow things down.

I know everything is going to work out. I've been through these things before and I always land on my feet. But, man, oh man, it feels like something I can't quite grasp or grab hold of.

Back when I was in high school I use to occasionally see this school counselor who helped me with all my attention problems. He taught me these really cool relaxation techniques where I would concentrate on my breathing and visualize being in some special calming setting.

He also got me interested in writing about things that either bothered me or got me overwhelmed. I found that when I would just make a list of issues bothering me everything started feeling more organized.

I made a list last night of everything on my mind that feels out of control. After doing that, I showed it to Brad and he helped me reduce it down to just two things. Imagine that! Two things!

The first has to do with starting college next month. The second has to do with us moving in together.

After graduating from high school last year, I've been working full-time to save some money. It was one of the best decisions I've made as far as my future is concerned. By watching how I spent the money I earned, I've actually exceeded the goal I set for myself. That, I have to say, is something I'm really proud of.

Plus, I had no idea I would discover something about myself I had never known. I've learned that I have this skill for working with my hands to build things I can be really proud of. I've gotten some really good training at the construction company where I work and discovered that refinishing old houses is something I'm pretty good at.

Since I'll be going to school full-time, I'm going to have to give up all the hours I was working there. I have to say, I'll really miss that. My boss has agreed to work out this schedule where I can still have some hours part-time, so that makes me really happy.

The second thing going on is the happy fact that Brad and I will be moving in together! I am so psyched about that I can hardly contain myself. This will be the first time I've not lived with my family, so setting up a home with Brad is a totally new experience.

So, this shouldn't be a source of stress, right? Well, one of the things that high school counselor told me was that "Stress is stress. Positive or negative, it's still stress." Well, in this case, it's both positive and negative.

Positive, because we're finally going to be living together. I mean, really! How exciting is that?!!!

Negative, because it's happening the first of October (school starts in September) and we've got to manage how to pack, move and unpack just a few weeks after school is starting. I've got to stay on top of my studies and I'm worried that I'm going to discover that I'm out of practice with that routine since I've been out of school for a year.

The biggest anchor I have right now is Brad. He's such a calming presence in my life. Sometimes when we're not even together, I can just bring him up in my head and I calm down.

So, will I make it out of the whirlwind? Will I land on my feet? It doesn't feel like it when I'm spinning around like this. I have to remember that what I'm feeling in a particular moment is not always a good gauge of the outcome (again, more of my high school counselor's words).

And this time I have one thing in my life I've never had before. I'm going through all this with the love of my life.

Yeah, I'm just nineteen. Yeah, I've never been in love with a capital "L" before. Yeah, lots of major things are happening that I've never experienced before.

But one thing I know is real. And solid. And dependable. And hopeful. There's not a doubt in my mind that the love Brad and I have is strong enough to anchor this "whirlwind" I'm experiencing.

It's sort of like what I've learned from work this past year. You have to have a solid foundation to build a house or anything. I know the foundation we've created for ourselves is solid. We've used good material and it's been stress-tested. And you know what? We're still standing.

If I step back and look at what we've done, it's the one thing in my life so far I'm proudest of.