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A Little Lube in Every Room

I guess it's a pretty obvious understatement to say that having your own place is drastically different from living at home with parents and sibs running all over the place!

Since Brad and I moved in together about 2 weeks ago, it's been like living in Paradise, or what I think Paradise might be like. I'm still trying to get use to knowing there's no lock on our bedroom door. Why would there be? Duh!

We're just about getting use to running around nekkid. I know it may sound weird, but it's still is wonderfully amazing we can do this! Oh, and being in an ADHD state of mind, I've been doing all kinds of research on the difference between "naked"  and "nekkid." This is what the Urban Dictionary says about the difference between the two words: "Naked is natural; Nekkid is naughty." And we've been doing all kinds of "naughty." Naughty while nekkid. Well, you get the picture!

When I lived at home with my family, I had a night table next to my bed. It's something I actually built myself and I'm pretty proud of it. Well, it has a top drawer with a lock where I would keep a few things I wanted to keep out of the reach of a certain nosey little brother. He and I are really close but sometimes I would order him out of my room if he was starting to get on my nerves, ya know? When he and I would be talking in my bedroom, he had this really annoying habit of picking up things on my desk or opening and closing the drawers. Whenever he talks he likes to use his hands a lot, and I had to keep a careful watch on where those hands went.

Well, one night Brad had spent the night and I completely forgot to put the bottle of lube back in that top locked drawer. So there it was sitting on top of the night table in total public view. My brother was walking down the hall headed downstairs to the kitchen and stopped by my room. Well, you know where this is going, right?

He looked in my room and, being his usual nosey self, pointed at the bottle and said, "What's that?" I glanced to where his finger was pointed, turned all kinds of red, and ordered him the hell out! And does my little brother ever mind me? Not when he thinks he has something over on me! He, of course, saw I had this look on my face like I'd been caught or something. So, that made him all determined to see how far he could push things! Instead of leaving like I'd asked (or ordered) him to do, he started walking in my room and was headed for that bottle.

Before I could block his path or tackle him, he had the bottle in his hand but I'm pretty quick on my feet, even first thing in the morning. Before he could read what was on the label, I grabbed it out his hands and shoved him out the door. But does nosey little brother mind his own business and head downstairs for breakfast? Not on your life. He said again, "Tell me what that bottle is and I'll leave!"

Before I could think of what to say, what comes out of my mouth? This is something I always have to be careful of first thing in the morning, especially before I take my LAP ("Little Attention Pill").

I was putting the bottle back in my drawer, and he asked once again, "Tell me what that bottle is and I'll leave." Do little brothers take some kind of class where they learn how to be really, really obnoxious and annoying?

I was locking the bottle in the drawer and just said, "It's after-shave lotion. Now get out! NOW!" He just said, "Yeah, right." But he left.

When I got downstairs to have a bowl of cereal, he continued being his usual annoying self. Little brothers also learn somewhere not to give up. He leaned in to my face and started sniffing! Can you believe this kid! I mean, that can be a dangerous thing to do to me first thing in the morning! He just smiled and said, "Hmmmmm. Not using any after-shave this morning, Matt?" Mom was in the kitchen and she knows when me and my brother are about to start a war. She stepped in and defused the situation and war was averted!

Well, now that Brad and I have our own place, we don't have to worry about some nosey little brother roaming around trying to make trouble. We can leave our "after-shave lotion" out in full view if we want to. No need for it to be under lock-and-key!

As a matter of fact, since we're being nekkid a lot (remember, nekkid is "naughty"), we've spent our hard-earned money on enough lube to keep every room well-stocked. No need to stop any "naughty play" to head for one central location for the bottle. I mean, who wants to stop when things are hot and heavy and go trotting off down the hall for supplies?? As a matter of fact, we actually have several bottles in strategic locations in the living room and the kitchen. Again, who wants to stop and go trotting across the room?

Anyway, Paradise is all the more enjoyable when it's well-stocked!

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