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Been Caught Stealing

Not me, thankfully..  I managed to give my boss back the $50 with no obvious issues.  He came over, and had a checklist of employees, and wanted to see if I could remember who else was there at the party that was on the list, so I casually said, "Oh, hey, I have that other stocking for you, nobody claimed it, total mystery", and handed it over. Nothing more was said.

I just can't live with the weight of things unless I right them, it's really interesting.  That guilt is never worth the whatever it was that I took.  A few years ago now, I experimented with it deliberately, there was a store I used to work in, and the woman was a bitch, so I didn't feel bad. I took a bracelet when I was in there shopping, just to see what guilt came up. I knew there was no security, no cameras or anything, so I just shoved it in my bag, and left.  I always wear it when I want to be reminded of that, which isn't often.  And whenever I do, I have a really uncomfortable day. That bracelet usually keeps me honest. I should have worn it to our party.  I don't know how some people can live with what they do, you know? What about the Bernie Madoffs of the world, who steal millions, or corporate heads of companies like Monsanto, etc, who steal millions of dollars from people every day. How do you live with that?  I couldn't even steal a fucking $50. 

Then again, I'm not that ethical when it comes to stealing other things, like men. I have done that before. I probably wouldn't blink, if given the chance to steal CEO away from his wife and kids.  Funny, isn't it?  I think it's all in our upbringing. What makes that any less of a crime?  Or even the postage stamps I always send my mortgage payments and gas bills off with? That's still stealing.

I saw a really interesting lecture a few years ago, about crow behaviour. Crows steal.  They know they are wrong, they try and cover it up. And there's the famous penguin nest building scene, where the penguin gets his stones stolen by another penguin.

Sartorius said something really interesting to me yesterday, about suppression, and how once in a while, if I'm not getting what I need, that side of me just comes out anyway. It's true.  I need a healthier outlet for it than the possibility of getting myself fired.  Thanks for that S!!  I love you. You always have a way of putting things in perspective that I really appreciate.

Talking of stealing, I think CEO stole my pen. In fact, I know he did.  ;)  That's something I can live with.  
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