Naughty Boys & Sex After the Prom, part 2

Well, not to be outdone, Brad a a surprise or two for me. I found out quick enough that this was going to be a night of "firsts" for both of us.

What Brad didn't mention in his post yesterday is that he had decided to femme it up a bit for me. You may remember from what he wrote a while back about going to the Prom that he had put on a little eye-liner and had some light nail polish on his fingernails. What he didn't mention is that underneath his tux, he was wearing these totally sexy pink lacy panties and a pair of those sheer nylon stockings! Little did I or anyone at the Prom know, he had been wearing those the whole night. The whole time he was up front getting "roasted," the whole time we were dancing together, the whole time the Principal and other teachers were at our table meeting me, he had this whole thing going underneath his tux! Talk about "Victoria's Secret," this was Bradley's Secret. And it was all meant for me!

After I took his shoes and socks off, I noticed his feet were in this silk-looking nylon thing. Hmmmm, what have we here, I was thinking. I started pulling his pants down. Holy God! I stopped when I got his pants down about 12 inches. My mouth dropped open and I swear I stopped breathing. He had never femmed things up like this before. He looked at me with this wicked grin on his face and just said, "Breathe, Matt." I let my breath out and just slowly nodded my head at him.

I got my rhythm back and continued slipping his tux pants off. I lost my rhythm again. I couldn't stop staring at his legs. My God! He already has these perfectly shaped legs, but in those nylon stockings! I lost my breath again. I almost stopped everything at that point cause I wanted to run my hands over those legs, feel the smoothness. In a quick instant I knew if I did that, I'd cum right then and there. Without even touching myself. Was that even possible?

So, with my heartbeat going from about 80 beats a minute to what seemed like twice that, and blood rushing to my head and all those sex hormones flooding my system, I just sat back, took a little break, closed my eyes, got my breathing under control and tried to make the room stop spinning.

I slowly opened my eyes to see Brad's face with this grin on his face. Then he started licking his full lips with his tongue. All I could say was, "You are so beautiful. And you are so wickedly bad!" He opened that grin into a full smile, showing all those perfect white teeth. Then he threw down a challenge. In that sweet, low sexy way he has of talking when he's horny, he just said, "You gonna finish what you started, big boy?" I just said, "I'm gonna finish this, babe, and then start again and finish again, over and over and over all night."

After getting him completely undressed (except for the stockings and panties), I did a slow strip tease. Hmmm, what was that peeking out of those panties? I ran my hands over those sleek and silky legs for a while. I told him to put his hands behind his head. I then brought his dick out of hiding, held it with one hand and cupped his balls with the other. I just stared at how beautiful it was. Even though we had had sex before, I had never really stopped and looked and studied his hard cock before. I didn't stroke it. Just looked. I had never really seen a guy's uncircumcised cock this close up before. I moved his foreskin down a little, then took my hand away, spread his legs apart and laid between them with his cock just inches away.

I very softly started blowing a slight stream of air over his balls and dick. After about a few minutes of that, without me even touching him, and with his hands behind his head, he came like he's never cum before. All over his tummy, his chest, all the way to his face and lips. I was just watching this in total amazement. When he finished, I cleaned him up with my tongue. He later told me I had given a whole new meaning to the term "blow" job. I told him I was going to see if he could break his record of cumming 5 times in one night. He just grinned.

I had almost forgotten my surprise for him! About a week earlier I had gone to this sex shop (I guess that's what you call it, where they sell all kinds of sex toys and stuff) and this very attractive woman about my mom's age (!!) waited on me! I'll maybe write later about how totally awkward that was for me, but she turned out to be totally cool and understanding of what I wanted. I think she also sorta knew how nervous I was. I'm sure my face was 20 shades of red.

Anyway, I managed to say something lame like, "Well, uh, do you have stuff in leather?" She just said, "Of course. It's over here." Dear God, this woman reminded me so much of my mom and she was gonna help me pick out some leather stuff for my boyfriend -- or was she assuming it was for my girlfriend? Holy God, please don't let me faint right here in this sex shop! I can just see the headlines: Teenage Boy Faints in Sex Shop While His Mom Assists With Leather! Well, to make a long story short, I didn't faint but had a total hard-on while while I was picking out some leather restraints and 2 cock rings!

Well, getting back to the hotel room, I showed Brad what I had for him and explained that since he had been so much in control of everything over the past month, I wanted him to be on the other end and let me be in control tonight. All he said was, "Whatever you say," and then stretched out spread eagle over the bed while I put on these 4-point leather restraints. Later on I showed him the cock rings. After giving him a little pube haircut, I put this leather cock ring around the base of his dick. It was almost like having this stiff leather collar with these silver studs decorating it. I chuckled inside when I thought it might be funny to put a little bow-tie on it! (BTW, I still don't know how all this stuff is suppose to be used by experts in this kind of thing, but I just made it up as I went along.)

Well, we hardly got any sleep that night. I mean, seeing him face down and admiring his absolutely perfect bubble butt almost made me cum again! Spreading those tight, firm, round, and on the surface, totally smooth ass checks, I got him ready for some celebration pounding. I mean it was his Prom night, right? Dear God, listening to him moan and beg for more was almost over the top for me. He'd never begged like that before. And that ass was all mine. He moaned to me that my cock inside him was was all his! So, I guess I owned his ass and he owned my cock. Damn. It felt like I had been waiting all my life for this night, and I knew we were gonna break some records! He never asked me to stop or slow down or anything. It was such a turn-on to watch him totally trust me and enjoy letting somebody else be in control. And, dear God, who would have believed the smell of leather could be so friggin sexy! And the combination of leather and lace? Damn!

I just gotta say for the record that "booty sex" with somebody in restraints was so hot! I don't know that we're gonna get locked into having sex with these kind of toys over the long run, but, hey, they're in our "bag of tricks." It really made us want to explore other kinds of scenes. I'm totally into vanilla sex, but I wanna taste strawberry, chocolate, peach, you name it.

Oh, and also for the record, Brad did break his record of cumming more than 5 times in one night. Well, we both did! Who knew your balls could produce so much cum over such a short time period? So, yes, going back to the first sentence of this post, this was, indeed, a night of "firsts" for both of us! Now we have the "burden" of breaking more records. I think we're gonna like this!

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Naughty Boys & Sex After the Prom, part 1

Before we get too far along in this blog, I want to go back and finish something I started back on May 1, 2011. At that time I gave a little hint (or maybe a "big" hint) of what our night was like after the Prom.

As you might remember, I went through all kinds of agony and nervousness about whether I wanted to go to my high school Prom. No. That's not exactly right. I knew I wanted to go to the Prom -- the agony was about going with Matt as my date. Wait! That's still not right. I knew I was either going to the Prom with Matt or I wasn't going at all. I think the real agony of the whole thing was how I was going to deal with being so open and exposed in front of my whole Senior class. I mean, holding hands with my boyfriend ... dancing with my boyfriend ... being as affectionate with him as the other couples were going to be.

Matt, was so supportive of me while I was deciding what I wanted to do. I knew, however, this was a decision I wanted to make on my own. Matt had already made his decision. If I decided it felt like too much pressure to be that "out there," then he would plan a little private celebration for just the two of us or with our families. If I decided to go, he was totally cool with that.

I don't know if it came through when I was writing about it, but I went from one extreme emotion to the other. Matt knew I didn't want him to pressure or influence me in any way. All I asked of him was to help me think it all the way through -- all the pros ... all the cons. I felt like in the end I had to make this decision and I had to live with the end result. I might be made fun of ... somebody might decide to hurt me and Matt when nobody was looking. Who knew what would happen.

The main lesson I learned was that in order to grow up you had to take control of your life ... take risks ... and live with the consequences. I don't think I'm normally a control freak (wipe that smirk off your face, Matt!) but I decided this time I had to take complete control and that included taking control away from what other people would think. Taking control of my life like this was huge for me and, man, did it take a lot out of me. I was so exhausted and drained after I finally made my decision to go to the Prom with Matt.

I don't know where my energy came from that allowed me to function that night. It was only after getting back in the limo (the "Matt Mobile") after it was all over that I completely collapsed and cried my eyes out. I was so proud of myself. I was so proud of Matt. And I was so proud of us.

I think Matt was a little concerned about me on the way to the hotel where were spending the night. He knew what I had been through to make this decision -- to take control of my life -- to make the best decision. I swear I was like a wet noodle as he helped me inside the hotel. I sat down in the corner of the lobby while he checked us in. I only have a vague memory of riding the elevator to our room. I do remember falling face first on the bed when we got in the room. And I felt his strong masculine body gently cover me on top as he held me and rubbed my shoulders and ran his fingers through my hair, all while I softly sighed and had a few more tears.

He knew just when to turn me over though. While he was straddling on top of me, very slowly and seductively rubbing his crotch into mine, his face was about 6 inches from my face and he was looking directly into my eyes. He had this incredibly sexy smile on his face. He just said in this soft and low growly voice, "You are so beautiful." It was the first time in my life I couldn't give a response. I did manage to give him the beginnings of a smile. While I was doing that, he leaned all the way in and gave me the softest, gentlest and most loving kiss ever. Somehow at that moment I started feeling some energy return back into me. That energy already found it's way into my dick and then it spread throughout the rest of my body.

We laid like that, with him completely on top of me, feeling all the weight of his loving. He then leaned up on his elbows and told me how amazing he thought I was for taking control of my life. I still couldn't get words out of my mouth. I tried though. He put his index finger on my lips to keep me from speaking and had this sexy and evil grin on his face and in his eyes. What he said next was, "I think tonight it's my turn to take control and for you to just take in all the love I feel inside for you." I finally found my voice and with a smile on my face said, "What do you have in mind?" He asked me if I trusted him. I said, "Of course." He just said, "Okay. I have some surprises tonight. You can say stop at any time, or slow down or whatever. I'll respect whatever you say."

He said the first thing he wanted to do was for me to stay on the bed while he took charge. He then slowly started to take my clothes off. I was just to lay there and take in all the love he was giving me through his eyes as he scanned every part of my body, front and back. Then he wanted me to take in all the love he had by kissing every inch of my body. He seemed to be deliberately taking things at a super slow speed, which was a real challenge for him ... and for me it was sheer torture (in the best sense of that word!).

I wanted to return all this to him, but he gently stopped me and said there would be time later for that. For now, I was just to take in all his love for me.

What he did next was a total surprise. I took in a gasp of air and just melted into his complete control for the rest of the night. Little did he know I had a few surprises for him too!

Matt will pick up from here tomorrow to tell the rest of what happened. After all, this was his night of being in control. He's had to tone down his description from Tripple-X to just One-X. Stay tuned.

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A Night to Remember: The Prom, part 2

Brad & Matt, or Matt & Brad

  So, continuing from yesterday's post, my friend Amanda and I made our way to the front of the banquet hall. I just decided to entrust myself to Amanda's and Matt's assurance that they had my best interest at heart.
I'm going to let Matt write most of the rest of this, because I tried remembering what happened but since I was so nervous, I'm sure I'll get some of it wrong. The other big reason I want Matt to write this is because, quite honestly, it feels embarrassing to put down things like this about myself. So here's Matt, and I'll return for the closing:

I was so proud to see Brad walking up front, knowing how hard it had been for him to decide whether to go to his Senior Prom, especially with another boy as his date. I've learned he knows how to work through his doubts and fears and end up with a decision where he can hold his head high, knowing he's done the right thing.

When he and Amanda got up front, the whole banquet hall got quiet. I don't think anybody knew what to expect, like they had from the other four people preceding him.

Amanda went over some of Brad's accomplishments over the past four years. She particularly noted his playing a role in helping get the Gay-Straight Alliance club started. She mentioned how important it had been to him that gay, bi and straight students have a place where they can talk to each other, especially in a safe environment.

She remembered that Brad and a few others had organized a lot of the social activities for the club and even had some off-campus parties where gay and straight students could socialize and dance and have the kind of "normal" fun everybody else just takes for granted as part of high school life.

"But," Amanda said and then paused. Amanda is good at these dramatic and "pregnant pauses." There was about a 5 second delay while she got this totally serious look on her face like she was going to announce some earth-shattering news. At this point Brad had been sorta looking down, but he looked up and turned his head and looked straight at Amanda. I was wondering if he was trying to telepathically shove a thought to her brain like, "Okay, what the hell are you doing now?!"

"But........................(5 second delay)......, we began to wonder if Brad was going to find 'true love' like so many others were finding. I mean, look at this boy, will you? How adorable, how cute, how handsome, how..... well, you get the picture." (everyone began Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwing! and Brad was totally blushing and shifting from foot to foot. I wanted to run up and wrap my arms around him!)

Amanda continued with something like, "I mean, as everybody here knows (she said in a dramatically humorous way), a major goal of high school life is finding the love of your life, right?" (more yeahhhhhhhhhhhhs!)

"So," Amanda said, "Brad, like all other guys on campus, looked around to see who was available. As many of you know, Brad has more 'girl' friends than any other guy here. You straight guys eat your hearts out! (here the guys made that primitive guttural sound you sometimes hear at football games) We even made it our mission to find him not only a good-looking guy, but also a guy who was not a dork, who could carry on an extended intelligent conversation, and whose vocabulary was more that just, "Yo, dude," "What's up, man?", "Hey bro, what's goin' down?", and, "Duh." Well, we were working against the odds because that eliminated 90% of all guys here! (hoots and hollers from the guys...... Brad smiled and looked out to the guys and just shrugged his shoulders like he was saying, "I know nothing about all this, okay?")

"Well," Amanda continued, "we conducted a secret poll among the girls on campus and asked them how many who had boyfriends would dump them if Brad was suddenly available. All I gotta say, you guys, is, 'be afraid; be very afraid!'" (Here all the girls stood up and began this extended yelling and applauding. We found out later Amanda had arranged this with them. The guys were probably thinking, "Huh???")

  "But, luckily, Brad found his love. He had to go off campus to discover him, and he's with us here tonight. I'm gonna ask Matt to come up now and for the two of them to get our dancing started. So, give 'em about a minute on the dance floor, and then let's get this party in motion!"

So, I came up, reached for Brad's hand and led him to the dance floor. We didn't know what song they had selected, but it was perfect. I'm posting a version here for you, our readers. After about a minute, other couples came out and surrounded us. I think we both thought we had died and gone to heaven! ...........

So, here's Brad again:

After some dancing, we went back to our table to rest. You wouldn't believe all the people who came over to pat me on my back and to meet Matt..... girls and guys! It was totally amazing. Needless to say, Matt was a big hit. Girl after girl came over to ask him to dance with them. And, I got the about as many girls asking me to dance. I was also happy that two other gay students asked me and Matt to dance with them. Unbelievable!

The principle came over and introduced himself to Matt along with some of the faculty. They all said how happy they were to meet Matt. And, believe me, Matty was beaming. I was so proud he was here.

So, was this a Night to Remember? I think the answer to that should be obvious.

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A Night to Remember: The Prom, part 1

Brad and Matt: A Night to Remember

 When we all heard the theme of our Senior Prom for the first time, everybody just rolled their eyes and had this, "Are you kidding?" look on their face. I mean, "A Night to Remember"?? Can we say boring, blasé, tiresome, humdrum, dull? Well, you get the picture. We all wondered if the Prom Planning Committee was not so subtly trying to get revenge on whoever appointed them to their task. Maybe the members of the Committee were told they wouldn't graduate unless they agreed to serve, and making the Prom as boring and uninteresting was their revenge. It sounded like the title to one of those B-rated, sentimental teen romantic movies from the 1950s starring Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello!

Well, it turned out to be a very clever play on one of the most cliché titles ever. As the Prom festivities began, the Committee got up and made fun of the title, but then said they were going to turn this cliché expression on it's head. They said they hoped the evening would indeed be a night to remember, but the surprise was it would be a night to remember some things this year has been about. In particular they were going to be spotlighting a few students who will be remembered for some famous or  infamous moments.

Well, guess who one of those Seniors was? I almost had a major panic attack and then I almost peed my pants when Amanda, one of my best friends and a Committee member, came over to our table and said they wanted to highlight something about me! I broke out in a cold sweat and Matt said I had this look of terror on my face. Matt grabbed my hand and Amanda privately gave me a little summary of what she wanted to say. She said it would be totally okay if I didn't want to be highlighted. So, I just said, "Well, tell me."

 She said I could totally trust her that it would not in any form or fashion be humiliating to me. She said if I agreed, it would involve giving her permission to be open about my being gay. Then she gave a very, very brief hint of what else she would say. I looked at Matt and he said he knew what was planned and said he thought I would love it. So, for about 20 seconds, I had these thoughts in my head: I totally trust Matt. I totally trust Amanda. I've come this far in overcoming my fear about being so public at my Senior Prom by bringing my boyfriend. If I've come this far, might as well take it all the way. So, I just said, "Okay. Let's do it."

Well, they had selected 5 individuals to highlight. One was about Academic Achievement. One was Sports Achievement. One was about achievement in "the arts." Then came someone representing "Class Spirit." And the last was just called, "Achievement in True Love." That last one was me! Well, now it was starting to sound a little cheesy and maybe they were going to cast me as Frankie Avalon, or, more appropriately as Annette Funicello! Amanda and Matt assured me they would NOT make fun of me at my expense. Instead, it was going to be something about making fun of the straight guys (in a completely harmless and playful way). Amanda said she had cleared it with the school principal and the two GSA faculty sponsors. She said they all thought it was in good taste, humorous and in the spirit of the Prom theme. The whole program was actually kinda sweet. The format was similar to a "roast," so even though the comments might be a little embarrassing, they were balanced with a lot of humor.

So, Amanda said I would be last (Gee, thanks. I had all the time I needed to sweat, panic and pee my pants!), and if I wanted to not go through with it after hearing the the 4 other roasts, it would be totally cool.

I'll just give a brief summary of the first roast to prepare you for mine. They called one of the football jocks first. I didn't really know him personally (I'm hardly qualified to fit in that pack!), but he always seemed like a decent guy. He had never harassed me for being gay or anything. So, this guy had almost lost our Homecoming Game when he caught a pass and got turned around and disoriented on the field and ran the ball to the opponent's goal post. The whole team and everybody in the stands was yelling at him until he realized his mistake and did this really cool ballet twirl thing (I think the technical term for it is a pirouette) in which he tried to stop and turn around in the right direction, but somehow he was unable to stop twirling on his toes! Even the opposing team was hypnotized watching him. Nobody moved. Then he got control of his body, stopped, and looked like a deer caught in headlights. Then all 6'4" and 230 pounds of him ran the right way. The opposing team came out of their hypnotic stare, but too late to tackle him. He made the touchdown and we won the game.

Well, the Committee said he almost got the "Arts" award for best ballet dancing! They then presented him with this little pink, ruffly tutu and tiny ballerina shoes. We were all hooting and hollering for him to try it on. He turned five shades of red and was a good sport about it. On the spur of the moment, he grabbed the microphone and announced he had been invited to join the New York Ballet Company! Then he put the tutu over his head and went back to his seat.

They went through the other three people, and then it was my turn. Amanda checked with me one more time to see it I was still okay with it. I looked at Matt and he was smiling. That smile told me all I needed to know. He had been in on the whole thing ahead of time and I absolutely knew I could trust that smile. I just said, "Yeah. Let's do it."

I know I can be an attention slut sometimes. But being the center of attention when you have absolutely no control over it, and you have to trust someone that nothing bad will happen is a whole different thing. I sorta knew the "general idea" of what was going to happen when I went to the front of the banquet hall, but I had no idea of how all my other classmates would react. That was totally out of my control. As Amanda and I were walking to the front, my head became a high-speed computer. Had I made the right decision? Was there still time to back out? Wait, what's that image on the computer screen in my head? Oh, yeah, that's Matt smiling. Somehow I knew he would not let me down. If love meant anything, it meant trust in it's purest form. Trusting yourself to someone else's love is scary. But I knew what I had with Matt was real. Well....... here goes! (Part 2, tomorrow)

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Yawn! You Can Untie Me Now, Matty!

I had to wait until Matty got out of the shower to untie me before I could write this. I have to say the smell of leather is totally HOT!

So, I'll write more about the Prom tomorrow. I'm still incredibly tired from the long day and night! Plus check-out time for this hotel room is about here and somehow I gotta get my ass in gear (it's still incredibly sore and I know I'm gonna be walking funny, but, hey, it was worth it, all right?) and take a shower and get dressed.

So, the short version is the Prom itself was really MORE than I expected it to be. There was this incredible surprize that happened that I can't wait to tell all of you about. And Matt was in on it and knew it was going to happen all along! Totally fabulous and fun and memorable and I'd do it again in a heartbeat! Details to follow tomorrow.

I'll also let you in on how the hotel desserts were from the one and only incredibly HOT "Chef Matty!" He served this incredible dish of his incredibly hot body, complimented by several hot side dishes of wrist and leg restraints and a few other "sides," all with the sexy smell of leather! Who would have known the smell of leather could be so sexy? Who would have guessed that being dominated in this way could make you have all these naughty thoughts, feelings and sensations that would lead to the HOTTEST sex we've had yet! There's a lot about the toys that I still don't get (yet), but, man, I gotta say, HOT, HOT, HOT! Plus, Matt gave me this "graduation initiation" I can't wait to tell you about. It involved getting a haircut (and not on my head!!) while in restraints and spread-eagle. And a series of spankings..... well, I don't want to give it away just yet.

Whew! God, I'm gettin hard all over again and Matty says we have to get a move on so we can check out of this fancy room.......... He just threatened me with another spanking if I don't get my ass moving. Hehe..... little does he know that is not going to get me motivated to move anything!! ...... OK, OK, Matty ..... uh, I mean, Sir Matty! (I think this master-thing is going to his head. But he is so f-ing sexy when he's in charge like that!)

He's giving me time to write this last sentence cause we have to check-out. So, bye for now. More tomorrow!

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Crossing the Prom Finish Line



The "MattMobile," also known as "Brad's Prom Chariot"



Tomorrow's the big day! I'll just keep this brief due to all the last minute planning we're doing.

I've arranged for a limo to pick up Brad and four other couples he's invited to ride in our official Prom Chariot.

So here's the itinerary for Saturday.

1. I'll arrive at Brad's home at 4:30 PM to have a little pre-prom appetizer with his family.
2. We'll arrive at my home at 6:00 PM for my family to add to the appetizers festivities.
3. We'll make the rounds to pick up the four other couples in the limo.
4. We'll make our Grand Entrance at the fancy hotel ballroom at 7:30 PM.
5. Let the Prom begin at 8:00 PM.
6. Let the introductions and mingling begin.
7. Let the dinner begin.
8. Let the dancing begin.
9. Decide on any after-Prom festivities.... dancing on the town, etc.
10. Drop off the other couples.
11. Arrival at the hotel where Brad and I will spend the night.
12. Getting ready for the night's dessert, which will include some, uh, leather restraints. More said on that later :)

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I Figured it Out! Finally!



My fantasy about what might happen! Yeah, right! :)



Please bear with me as I pound this topic to death. Every time I write about something difficult it seems to help. And this whole Prom business will be over Saturday and I plan to write happy things about what happened, I'm sure. Right now I think I'm almost working it through, so here goes. Thanks for your patience with me!



A lot of things about my reaction to this whole thing are sorta surprising me. On Monday this week, Matt wrote that thing about us holding hands at the mall and getting called a name by three guys about our age. I'm still trying to figure out why I had about 5% anxiety over being so visible and "out" in such a public setting, even after the "incident." Then I think about the anxiety I've been feeling about going with Matt to the Prom and I have about 80% anxiety some of the time. I mean, I didn't know anybody at the mall but I know just about everybody in my senior class. And they all know I'm gay and I don't get harassed anymore by anybody there. You would think those percentages would be just the opposite. I can't figure it out. It makes no sense to me.

Why would I feel less nervous among total strangers where for all I know the majority of people there might be homophobic? And why would I feel more nervous being about people I know and see every day and have about as "normal" a relationship as you can have?

The only thing I can figure is that, even though some of my close friends have met Matt and have seen us together as a couple, the vast majority have never seen me as part of a couple. Ever. Maybe I'm worried about them seeing this side of me they've never seen before. I've always been "just Brad" and have never been seen as "Brad and Matt," if that makes any sense. I never dated anybody in high school and I don't think people have ever thought about me as being a "couple" with somebody. For some reason this is making me totally self-conscious.



So maybe that's it. I'll be showing up at the Prom with my boyfriend. Except for a few friends, nobody has ever see me as part of a couple. I know once they see Matt and talk to us, everything will be fine. Matt is good at conversation, even with people he doesn't know. And he knows I'm nervous so I know he will be there for me in every way possible.

I think I have it now! People know how to relate to me as "Brad," or as "Brad and (name any of my friends I hang with)." But nobody has ever related to me as "Brad and his boyfriend,"  or as "Brad and Matt" because I've never had a boyfriend. I wonder if I'm going to act any different? I wonder if how people see me is going to change in some way?

 

So, yeah, people will see me "acting" different than they've ever seen before. I mean, I'll be dancing with my boyfriend, for God's sake! They will be hearing me introduce him to others as, "This is my boyfriend, Matt." They'll see this whole other side of me that's never been there. I think I'm just having trouble adjusting to this idea. I know people will be nice (or at least not say anything), but it's sorta like I won't be controlling any of this.



Matt suggested last night that I go back and reread all the comments all of you made when I first wrote about going to the Prom. I remember when I wrote that post and read your comments I was on this high with confidence.



Warning! What is about to following is pure, unadulterated bragging. I admit it and will allow myself that indulgence. So here goes: 



I'm proud of myself for going to the Prom with my boyfriend. I'm proud of myself for figuring out what all the anxiety is about. I'm proud of myself for working it all the way through. I'm very proud of myself for not backing out. I know we will have a good time and have no regrets. And, most important of all, literally, is I'm so lucky and proud to have Matt in my life.

You, Matt, mean the world to me. Will I still have some anxiety when we show up together? Probably. Will I be happy to have you at my side the whole night? More than you know, my love!

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Going to the Prom

As you may know, I'll be graduating from high school in June. This is one of the traditional rites of passage that, I guess, is suppose to make a statement that this thing is actually going to happen after 12 long years (not counting preschool and kindergarten, which adds another 3 or 4 years to the total).

So, I decided to ask Matt to be my date for our Senior Prom this year. I have to say I have mixed feelings -- NOT about Matt being my date --but about why we're doing this and what the experience will be like for us that night.

P-R-O-M. First of all, let's talk about what this thing is all about. I mean, just look at the word: PROM. What the hell kind of word is that? To my ears it sounds like some prissy aristocratic thing that could only excite the Royal Family (no disrespect intended to my UK friends).

I mean, really! Just about as exciting as the dictionary definition of the word: "A formal dance held for a high school class at the end of the academic year." YAWN! Oh, and it's also short for PROMENADE (sounds like a juice drink!), which is defined as, "A leisurely walk in a public place." YAWN, YAWN!

At our high school, as I assume it is in most schools, no one questions why we have one. It's just one of those traditions you always do because, well, you always do it!

So am I going to my Senior Prom this year? I want to really bad, even though I have mixed feelings about it. The side of me that wants to go says that I really want to show Matt off (Matt is his usual masculine attire and me with a little more femme look). I want to hold hands and dance together. And most important of all, I want him to be there by my side for this thing that celebrates a major achievement in my life.

But, as I promised myself to be as honest as I can in this blog, I have to admit that I'm very nervous about it. There's no way for us to just "blend in" like everybody else. Nor do I want to. Sometimes I can be a real attention slut, but when I'm slutting for attention I'm always in control of the whole thing. Showing up to my Senior Prom with my boyfriend will definitely mean we'll get noticed and I'm nervous about what kind of attention we'll draw. And there's that whole thing about not being able to control things.

There will be 4 other same-sex couples there. I've been very active in our school's Gay/Straight Alliance club and we've all been talking about it for the past several months. Should we all stick together and not really blend in? Or, should we just show up and mix in with everybody else? What if we get harassed? Is that going to ruin what this is suppose to mean for me and us?

So, here's where I am at this moment in time (subject to change without warning every 5 seconds): I am not in the closet at school. I have no intention of going back in to please other people and deny who I am. I am part of this class. This is my high school too. And enless everybody agrees to go with a brown paper bag over their head, then I'm going as who I am and a big part of  my life right now is my boyfriend Matt. I have as much right to go with my date as any other classmate.

I want to celebrate and share this special evening with the person who means the world to me. I want to show off Matt. I have NO apologies for that. I want to dance with him, introduce him to some friends who've not met him yet. I want to feel his strength and courage by my side. I want Matt there for me. I mean, graduating from high shcool is huge for me. I want him to be proud of me.

Before I close, I also have to admit that I'm really embarassed and ashamed for being a wuss about all this. I came out when I was 15 and now I'm 18. I feel like I should be over all this worrying by now. Maybe I'm not as strong as I thought I was. Am I ashamed about being gay? I don't think so, but yet....

I have to decide by Monday, that's when the final list is made of who can officially come. Am I going? Matt said he would be honored and would feel special to be my date. He also said that this is my Prom and whatever I decide he will be proud of me. He said it won't change anything he feels about me. I've got his total support. And you know what, I totally believe him.

So, here's the deal. I've reread everything I wrote above about 10 times. Matt and I talked about it a long time last night. So, guess what? I'm going to my high school Prom with Matt. Am I excited? You can't imagine how excited I'm feeling right now. Am I nervous? Yes. I think that's understandable. Can I change my mind? Of course. But there's one thing I don't want to happen. I don't want to look back on this whole thing and say I compromised my integrity, my dignity and my courage. That, my friends, is a price I am not willing to pay.

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