Sweet nights and tough talks

Last summer Brad and I made two decisions about our relationship. One was exciting and the other was a little bit scary. Both decisions were motivated by a desire to strengthen our relationship.

The exciting decision was to start a new weekly tradition which we call our Date Night. We got the idea from a friend of ours who was telling us he and his husband have a date with each other every Wednesday night. Sometime they go to dinner, sometimes to a movie, but every Wednesday is their night together, no matter what. They've been together for over 12 years so their experience held some weight for us.

Since we made that decision, we haven't missed a single Wednesday night. We've had to made a few modifications here and there, like deciding to have a "home date" when we were too exhausted from work and school, but even those few nights have been really special. When we have a "home date" we go "un-plugged" from all electronic devices and order a home-delivered meal such as pizza or Chinese food. Bradley takes the night off from cooking, and I'm given a reprieve from clean-up. Those "home dates" when we're really tired feel like some well-deserved pampering.

Most of the time we plan ahead on what we want to do, and sometimes one of us is in charge of planning the date and calling the other during the week to ask for a date on Wednesday. That might sound a little silly since we've been together for almost 3 years, but it's always a little fun planning a date and calling Brad to ask him out. It's sorta like a little "role-play" I guess you'd say.

"Hi. Is this Brad?"

"Yes. Who's this?"

"Uh, well, my name's Matt and I noticed you at the restaurant where you work and was wondering, well, if I could take you out for coffee and dessert sometime?"

"What's you're name again?"

"Matt. Or Matthew. My friends call me Matty."

"You say you've been to my restaurant?"

"Yeah. I was there last Thursday for lunch. I was by myself sitting by the window and you waited on me. I had the Cheeseburger in Paradise with smoked bacon and a dill pickle and home fries and cole slaw. And a house salad. And a large ginger ale. Oh, and Key Lime pie."

"Oh yeah, I remember you. I had to have help bringing your food to the table."

"I'm a growing boy."

"So, yeah, coffee and dessert sounds nice."

"Is that a yes? You'd go out with me?"

"Yes."

"Wow. Cool. That's great."

"How'd you get my number?"

"Well, you wrote it on the check."

"Oh yeah. I like guys with baseball caps."

"I took it off inside the restaurant."

"Yeah, I noticed. I wondered why you had it in your lap instead of on the table."

"In my lap? Right. Well, um, it just seemed more, uh, convenient there."

"I see."

"So what about this Wednesday night around 7:00?"

"Sounds good. Let me give you my address."


We must be doing something right that after almost 3 years together we both still really look forward to our mid-week Date Night. There's something about these dates that remind us to never, ever lose those exciting and precious times early in our relationship when we were first dating.

In the beginning of our relationship we were trying to get to know each other better, learn something new about the other, share something new about ourselves.

Come to think of it, that seems to be what these dates now are about. All I know is that nothing interferes with our sweet night together on Wednesday. There's too much to look forward to. Plus, this has now become one of the "foundations" that make our life together a little stronger.

Stay tuned for Part 2, about the tough talks, the other key element in our foundation.

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My Mystery Date

My first Wednesday date with Matt last week went so well I decided to ask him out this week. He took me to this really nice restaurant in Salem (yep, the witch town) and we had a nice view of the harbor.

He was so sweet when I called him the other day and asked him out. I could tell he was trying not to act too eager, like he was playing it cool. But I could hear the excitement he was trying to hide in his voice, and that made me smile. It also gave me a little flutter in my stomach to know he was excited but didn't want to come across as overeager.

One thing I like about dating him is how outgoing he is, which makes me feel more at ease because I'm somewhat shy. I feel more confident in keeping the conversation going because it's a lot easier for me to respond to the witty things he comes up with than to come up with things to talk about.

I thought about taking him to a movie but changed my mind when I thought about how we'd just be sitting there not able to talk to each other for about 2 hours in a big dark room with lots of other people. I wanted to go to this particular movie but I knew there'd be a packed house with probably every seat taken. Not appealing.

So I decided I'd rather take him to a quieter place where we could just talk, with him taking the lead, of course. Him being Mr. Charming/Witty and me being Mr. Let Me Just Stare Into Your Beautiful Eyes While You Charm Me.

The restaurant where I work is located relatively close to a medium size university and there's this really funky restaurant a couple of streets over. That's where I wanted to take him.

Well imagine how I felt when my boss called early Wednesday morning and said he needed to change my schedule for that day from the lunch shift to the dinner shift. I asked him if I could call Brian, one of the regular dinner shift servers, to see if I could get him to cover me Wednesday night and I could take his Thursday shift. He said, sure.

Brian said he wasn't able to make the change. So now I'm stuck with working on our Date Night. I got really disappointed about this and it taught me I need to be a lot more flexible. I don't even want to analyze why this rattled me like it did. I have counseling later today. {*sigh*}

I called Matt and asked if we could reschedule our date from Wednesday to Thursday night. He said, "Sure. No problem. It'll give me one extra day to get excited about seeing you." 

Now I ask you. In addition to being one of the sweetest things I've ever heard, why can't I think of responses like that? I mean he didn't even miss a beat! How does he do that? I got my smile back and my mood went from disappointed to excited.

So fast forward to Wednesday night. I'm all decked out in my black pants, white shirt, black vest and black bow tie. The lunch shift is less formal, but I'm actually feeling all sexy and cute in this getup. Similar to this ---->

Wearing this outfit gives me some confidence to work a little harder for my tips. Brian told me there are four or five women friends who are regular diners on Wednesday nights and they're always flirting with him. Just innocent flirting. He also told me when they sign their check the line that says, "Tip" is often in the 30% + range. He told me if I "worked it" right, it could be a good night. Shameless, I know, but hey, I'm in college and tuition and books aren't cheap. Right?

So after I had been at work for about an hour, one of the other servers comes back in the kitchen where I am and tells me, "Hey Brad, there's a really sexy man at table 7 who's asking for you."

"What?"

"Table 7. He just asked me to get 'that cute waiter who just went in the back'."

"Are you serious? No way. Where's Roger? I'm not working that table. This is too creepy."

"Roger said he knows the guy and wants you to take it."

At this point I go to the window and look out. Guess who's sitting at table 7? There's my date for Thursday night. Matt. All dressed up. Looking at the menu.

I walk out to table 7 and just stand there. Matt looks up, smiles, puts the menu down, and stands up. He leans in and gives me a quick kiss. Then walks to the other side of the table, pulls the chair out, and waits for me to sit. I'm in panic mode at this point, wondering what the hell is going on and thinking I probably just lost my job.

Roger, the manager for the night, walks over, takes my order pad from me, smiles, and says to both of us, "Your server tonight, Brian, will be over in just a moment to take your order."

The women at table 6, the big-tip flirters, look around and are all smiling at us. I'm looking back at Matt, my head tilted, still in some kind of panic mode, waiting. He's beaming, all smiles.

"Hi. I'm Matt. I'm not in the custom of picking up cute waiters but I couldn't help myself tonight. I'd like to buy you dinner."

At this point I'm looking from Matt, to the kitchen door, noticing Roger and Brian talking, and back to Matt.

"I hear the seafood here is quite good," Matt says with a smile.

"Can I ask you to please tell me what's going on here?"

"Well, I just came in for dinner and thought you might like to join me."

Our server, Brian (the one who couldn't work for me this night), walks up at this point, introduces himself, hands me a menu, and goes through the specials for the night. With a total straight face. I'm starting to think I just dropped in one of those alternate universes.

"I'll give you gentlemen a moment to decide." And Brian walks off.

Mysterious Matt reaches across the table, covers my hand with his, and says, "I lied when I said I could wait until Thursday to see you. I thought I could, but I couldn't. I hope it was okay that I arranged this whole thing. Roger okayed it and everybody's in on it. Everything's cool. And I've heard the seafood here is really good. See anything you like?"

"You're being serious. This is really happening?"

"I'm being really serious that I couldn't wait until Thursday to see you. Hey, I liked the sound of the first special Brian just mentioned. Would you like to... What's the matter? Are you okay?"

He reached across the table and wiped a tear away that I didn't even know was there.

We had a really nice dinner Wednesday night and I went home with him afterwards. I think I'm going to like these Wednesday night dates. Maybe next Wednesday we'll finally get to that funky restaurant around the corner. And that one is my treat.

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Nervous About My First Date

I got asked out on a first date yesterday. 

It's the first time anyone ever asked me for a Wednesday date. He's coming over to pick me up at 7:00 tonight.

The thing I don't like about a first date is how nervous you always are. It's almost like an audition. You want to make sure you wear the right clothes, fix your hair just right, apply just the hint of a little eyeliner, etc.

But you don't want to overdo it. It's crazy I know, but you definitely don't want to end up looking like you're going on a first date! For a first date I always like to dress casual but not in that "I shop at Wal-Mart" way.

You also don't want the guy who asked you out to think you put all this time into how you look because then he's going to think you're all about appearance. When he knocks on the door, you want him to have a good impression of how you look, but you don't want him to think, "I wonder what he really looks like in normal life."

And then there's the whole thing about making conversation. You don't want to come across sounding like you've never been on a date before. You want to make sure you say the right things but you also want to make sure you don't say the wrong things so you end up sounding like you're really nervous.

Geez. All this effort to captivate a guy when he's probably just as nervous as you are.

I'm not even sure where he's taking me because he said he'd like to surprise me. He had the sexiest smile when he told me that. And those eyes had some kind of sparkle.

I wonder if he's already planning on trying to get me in bed after this first date? That look he had when he asked me out was saying more than just, "Would you like to go out?"

Hmmmm. He was hot, though. I have to decide if I'm "that kind of guy" just this once. 

Well, I'm going to try and relax about this and not stress out. I've got some time until he gets here at 7:00 tonight, so I'm just going to try and remember that sexy smile and those sparkly eyes he showed me.

I'm also going to be practicing what to say when I open the door for him. I think I'll just go with something simple. "Hi Matt, come on in. Oh, are those flowers for me? Nice. Thank you."

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The Dance and a Boy with Gray Eyes

We went to the Youth Pride Dance this past Saturday night and had a ball!

I don't know if people remember us mentioning something about our next door neighbor. I think we said something about this in the comment section of one of our posts (see, you have to read all the comments to get the full news of what's happening!).

These are the neighbors we spend a good bit of time with and they are so cool. Brad and the wife/mother have really bonded around cooking, and the husband/father and I play pickup basketball with some of the other guys in the neighborhood. He's also the one who's been teaching me all about woodcarving (I'm going to be posting a pic of this penguin family I finally finished... and one has a red bow tie and I've named him B-boy, since Brad wore a red bow tie for our Valentine's Day dinner!).

Anyway, get to the point, Matt! Okay, I will.

So, if you read the comments from the post I just mentioned, you may remember they have a son named Jake who's in high school and he came out to them toward the end of last year. His parents have been very accepting and supportive of him, which didn't surprise us at all. Jake was extremely nervous about telling them even though he knew their reaction would probably be positive. That's something I can certainly relate to. No matter how well you know the people you're coming out to, you never, ever know for certain what they might say or how they might react initially.

Anyway, back to the story.

We told Jake about the dance to see if he might be interested in going with us. We showed him the Boston Pride site where they advertised the dance (which you can see two posts down) and he said he'd like to go. He definitely didn't want to go dressed in some Super Hero outfit, which was the theme of the dance, and we assured him neither of us wanted to either.

I don't know if they had any people our age planning the event, but seriously! Maybe other people our age are a little more ballsy than us, but I'm not going into downtown Boston dressed as Captain America or Spider Man! Sorry. Just not gonna happen! ;-)

 



<-----------------Brad


                  Matt--------------->
                     (is that a bulge
                he's got going there?)



On our way to the dance, Jake tells us his mom wanted to take his picture before he left. We're going, "Your picture? Why?" He said he thought she was looking at this as similar to him going to the Prom or something. We told him that was sweet but he just rolled his eyes. I told him he should have told her that big orgies usually break out at things like this, and he got a kick out of that! He said if he had told her that, she probably would have grounded him until he turned 18!

Since Jake has never been to anything like a gay event before, we told him a little about the one time we went to a gay bar. He said he probably wouldn't be dancing but just wanted to hang out with us. We could tell he was a little nervous about the whole thing and we told him we would stick together, but if he wanted to, we could all three dance together, which is what we ended up doing.

Well... Jake was doing a little more than just hanging out and dancing with us. He and this other guy had apparently been eyeing each other and a little before we left for the night, they chatted each other up for a while. Just the two of them.

He brought Brady over to meet us, and being the proud Big Brothers we are, we had a fun conversation with him. He was a little shy and we tried not to make it seem like we were doing a "pre-date screening" in case they decided to see each other at a later time.

They exchanged phone numbers and we left. On the way home, all Jake could talk about was Brady and how cute he was and how nice he seemed. Brad and I just beamed hearing all the information Jake was able to gather about this guy in the short time they chatted.

He knew what school the guy went to, his favorite music, some of his hobbies (which included taking care of and riding his grandfather's horses), a little bit about his family, who he's out to (his mom and step-dad and just a few very close friends), what kind of things he likes to do on the weekend, where he wants to go to college, his favorite color (!), how he's thinking about some body piercings, how he likes to experiment with different ways to style his hair, and, oh, by the way, "Would you like to exchange phone numbers and maybe we can talk more?"

I have to say it was so much fun to listen to him and hear him so excited. Jake has only been out for a really short time and hasn't had a boyfriend yet. Plus, he's also a little on the shy side and it was fun to see him bubbling with all this interest.

There was a little lull in our conversation on the way back home. Brad turned around and asked him what he was thinking about.

"He has gray eyes. The boy has gray eyes!"

"You got close enough in that lighting to see the color of his eyes?" Brad asked.

"Yeah. I told him I liked the color of his eyes."

I couldn't resist telling him, "Oh God. Jake, you know what that means in the gay world, right?"

"Huh? What?"

Before Brad could kick me, I said, "It means you're now engaged."

Well, Jake knows I sometimes say some pretty outrageous things, so he was on to me.

"Cool. Will you guys be my Best Men?"

So, we'll see where this goes. They've already texted each other a bunch and talked on the cell I don't know how many times. I saw him yesterday and asked him if they're registered anywhere so we can get them a wedding gift. He just looked at me with a straight face and with a seriousness I've never heard from him before and said, "Nope. We're still trying to decide on the wedding announcement. He wants something formal and I just want something a little more on the cas side."

My mouth fell open and I'm just staring at him. Like I say, Jake has always been on the shy side, but it looks like he's losing some of that now. It's been really nice to see Jake so excited. If they hit it off, this will be his first boyfriend. And Brady already passed our "pre-date screening." I don't know if they're going to date yet, but my guess is they will.

Our "no-longer shy" Little Brother and the Boy with the Gray Eyes. Ah, I remember so well the first time Brad and I met. Is this first love? Too soon to tell, I guess. But there's nothing in the world like finding out.

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An Awkward Kiss

This is the second day I've had to miss classes and stay home due to getting some kind of head cold. We got a small-size snow "event" (as the weather forecasters call it) on Saturday and even though we only got about 4 inches, I spent a lot of time outdoors shoveling the driveway and sidewalk and clearing all the snow off the cars. Monday morning I woke up and my voice had dropped about 5 octaves and I sounded like a bull frog -- enough to frighten small children and make dogs think they might be able to score a kill on some poor unsuspecting frog nearby.

In between drinking about 100 gallons of water, running to the bathroom to pee it all out, eating some pretty delicious chicken soup made by the incredible chef living with me, taking naps where I would jolt myself awake because I had trouble breathing due to the congestion, and staying all bundled up in blankets on the sofa in front of the TV, I've been incredibly miserable. Poor me, right? {audience sighs and says "awwww" at this point}

The time home hasn't all been as dramatically awful as I'm making it seem, though your continued expressions of sympathy are welcome, thank you very much.

One of the worse parts of being sick is that Brad and I can't kiss, something I miss very much. We don't need two croaking bull frogs in the house, so we've made that sacrifice.

While Brad was in school yesterday I kept thinking about how much I missed kissing him. When he and I were first dating (I was 18 at the time and he was 17) he asked me if I had ever kissed another guy before him. I told him when I was 16 I had kissed one guy and it was just one kiss, and a pretty awkward one at that. After that one kiss I went through a kissing dry-spell until I met him.

I sometimes think I'm now trying to make up for lost time. I really enjoy our sex life but I think it's all the things we do before we get naked that make the actual sex so much fun and meaningful. It always starts out with a certain look or small gesture or a little knowing smile. Then there's the kissing. Oh yes, the kissing.

I suppose that very first kiss I had when I was 16 got all the awkwardness out of the way because the kissing Brad and I do is never, ever awkward. I don't think I could pick one single thing we do now that I like better than the other, but everything always starts with that little knowing smile and that first very gentle kiss.

As Brad was taking care of me last night, I was moaning and whining about not being able to kiss him right now. Even though he had seen it before, I showed him a little something I wrote back in September 2010 about the first time I had that awkward first kiss at 16. He smiled again last night when he read it and said in one way he's glad it happened since that very first kiss seemed to get rid of any awkwardness in my kissing. Brad graciously said he didn't mind if I put it here since he "won the prize."

An Awkward Kiss

Something I'll probably never forget is the first time I kissed another boy. I had just come out (age 16) and me and this other boy my age had been doing a little flirting with each other. It was so funny because neither of us had ever kissed another guy. 

I thought he was so cute and his lips were full and totally kissable (you know the kind).

I was at his house one day after school and we were watching something on TV, sitting on the sofa together.

There were some potato chips or pretzels on the table next to the sofa on my end, and instead of asking me to hand him the bowl (which I'm glad he didn't), he reached over me and sorta lingered there trying to get a handful.

Well, since his head was right there in my chest, what could I do but grab his head and turn it facing me and start kissing him. I kinda surprised myself for being so bold but I guess I figured he wouldn't mind since we had flirted some with each other in school.

I don't know what happened to the chips he had in his hands, but I do remember what happened to our lips. It seemed like we we're going at it for a long time but it was probably only a few minutes. Then our hands went everywhere. It was like everything was exploding all at once!

It was also the first time I ever felt another guy's hard-on or had another boy feel mine! Or at least I think that's what we felt since there was that double barrier of our underwear and jeans. We were probably just feeling up those folds you get in your jeans when you sit down.  

But, wouldn't you know, his sister came in the front door about that time (we were in the room next to the front door) so she didn't see anything!

But can you imagine how totally ridiculous we probably looked when she stepped in the room to say "hi"? I mean how do you get your breathing back under control, your clothes straightened, your hair in place and hide your boner, and look totally nonchalant?

So, she just smiled and went upstairs, and we just looked at each other and burst out laughing!

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Getting Cruised on Campus (part 1)

OK, so some times my mind is in the gutter. And don't tell me your mind doesn't go there sometimes, too. I know it does. You're out in public and your eyes make you see certain guys who, for different reasons, come into your line of vision and you let yourself linger a little longer than you should and you start making up this fantasy about what he looks like naked, which then progresses into what he might be like in bed. Sorta like making this little porno movie in your head that's only about the sex and has nothing to do with who this guy is as a real person.

Then there are those times that are in a different category altogether. Not "gutter-looking," but more like just innocently noticing an attractive guy. Brad and I have talked before about how we might be riding around, for example, and we both might do a double-take on some guy. Just boy-watching is all it is. Sometimes we both turn our heads toward the same guy, chuckle, and then there's this little sly grin that breaks out between us. Most of the time we don't have to say a word. That mutual sly grin says it all. It's kinda fun, ya know? Totally innocent. Life goes on. Eyes back on the road. We get back to talking about whatever lofty subject we were on. You know, the meaning of life, what Beckett was trying to get at in Waiting for Godot, the pros and cons of vegan, and that all important topic of do we stop at McDonald's for a burger until we decide!

That first category ("gutter-looking" leading to a porno movie in your mind) involves no one getting hurt. It just leads to your body getting flooded with all those hormones responsible for making you super-horny... like when you actually watch a real porno movie.

That second category ("boy watching") is also innocent. Just appreciating a nice-looking guy walking down the street.

Then there's another category when you decide to let what's happening in your brain grab you by the, well, uh, genitals and leads you to make a move on somebody. Active flirting. Cruising. It's what happened when I first laid eyes on Brad at my eighteenth birthday party and went over to talk to him... kind of in a mental daze because I thought I had instantly fallen in love! That's what it felt like. Of course, it was just "falling in lust," pure and simple. So I'm not knocking "falling in lust" because, for us, it then led to us dating and, well, you know the rest of the story. Here we are now. Not in lust anymore (though lust makes it's appearance at all the right times!), but in love.

Why am I rambling on like this? I just read back over everything I wrote and almost deleted it so I could start over again. I decided to leave it in, I guess, so I could tell you where I'm coming from in the real point of this post. So bear with me while I continue.

The only guy I've ever actively flirted with with any degree of mission has been Brad. I had some serious crushes on a few guys in high school, all of whom were straight with girlfriends, but never made any moves on any of them. I have to admit some of those crushes made my brain do some gutter-porno movies, but it was all in my head and the only action I ever took was with my "handy hand" in the privacy of my bedroom or shower.

Before Brad, there were a few guys who flirted with me, but I was never confident enough or, to be honest, knew what you're suppose to say to get from point A to point B or C or D or... you get the picture. It was always kind of anxiety provoking and, whether you believe this or not, I'm actually kind of shy when it comes to that kind of thing. I mean, when I know the rules and routine of doing something socially, I'm pretty good at it. But "flirting on a mission" has never been something I've been confident about. Something different kicked in that day I met Brad and I started making the moves. I have no idea how to explain it. It just happened. That's all I can say.

So, the real point of this post is this. A couple of days ago at school I was being cruised by this guy on campus. It took me a while to realize that's what was happening. I decided to write about it... well, I know you're not suppose to give the ending away, but you'll see the point (I hope) when I get to the end.

So, there's this guy in my Intro to Psychology class who had been sitting opposite me at this long table in the classroom during my first week in school, which was last week. If you remember, I was a "wee bit nervous" (understatement of the year) and anxious and on the edge of a full-blown nuclear panic attack that week. I was taking notes like crazy, like I was a court transcriber who had to get every word being said from the witness! When the prof took a 10 second break for a sip of water, I would glance up and look around to see if anybody else was about to go mental like me. Then I'd be back to taking notes. I sorta started relaxing after a while and tried to just go with the flow. Most of the stuff the prof was talking about was just explaining what the course is, etc.

Anyway, every time I would look around the class, that guy sitting across from me would smile at me. Not in a creepy way. He actually had a cute mischievous look to him. I sotra gave him a little smile back but didn't linger.

Well, at the end of class I looked up and noticed him gathering all his stuff, getting ready to leave the classroom like me and everybody else, and he glances over and smiles again and does that slight nod of the head guys do with each other. Sorta like, "How ya doing?" except it's all non verbal. I just did a little nod back and grabbed my stuff and left.

This week, we were sitting in about the same location with us facing each other. He smiles and nods. I smile and nod back. The smile thing goes on a few more times during class. Well, this week I'm all cool and collected compared to last week. My nerves have been taking a nap and I feel like I'm returning to my normal self.

So, I'm sitting there and it's dawning on me that he's actually flirting with me. And I've been all smiley and doing that nodding thing back. So, guess what happens? That's right, my nerves wake up from their nap and I'm getting all freaky inside. What the hell am I doing? So, I go back into "scholar" mode and start taking more notes and keep my head down.

When class is over, he's sorta lingering at the door and we walk out together. I don't want to give the wrong impression about him. He's really not overdoing anything or acting like a stalker. Sitting across the table from me he looked like he was not a day over 16. But standing up and chatting, he looked a little older, like he was probably 18. He's got this "boy-next-door" look, tall and slender, blonde hair and a few freckles. No, I'm not checking him out, but he did have those freckles.

OK, so I was noticing him more than I said. He really did have this adorable and innocent look about him and he was being friendly. He introduced himself and I did likewise. He asked me if I had another class right then, which I didn't, and asked if I wanted to grab a soda or coffee. So I said, "Sure." Then we headed to this cafe/snack bar in the building next to where we were.

We get there and he's asking me where I'm from, etc.... He tells me he's from this state out in the midwest and his home is about a hundred miles from the nearest big city. He's living in one of the dorms and said he was feeling a little overwhelmed by the number of people everywhere.

So, I'm now thinking maybe he's just lonesome and is trying to zero in on a few people he can be friends with. I can handle that. I can certainly identify with feeling overwhelmed.

Then he asks me if I've made any friends on campus. I tell him I've talked to a few people who seem nice, but it's just the second week. Then I had this gut feeling that, yeah, maybe he is lonesome or something, but he had that shy look on his face and something about the way he was smiling told me he actually was doing some low-key flirting.

So, I use this opportunity to tell him that the only person on campus I know really well is my boyfriend who is taking one class on Thursdays.

Now he's slowly and slightly nodding his head as he takes this in. Then his face starts blushing and he sorta does a little gulp. He gets really quite and I realize he's going into embarassment mode. So now I'm feeling bad that I didn't make this known earlier. He really seemed like a nice, decent guy and I now I'm trying to think about how to put him at ease.

So I tell him I should have said something earlier and he jumps in and apologizes for being so forward. I just said something like, "Hey, you have nothing to apologize for. You didn't do anything wrong. I really am trying to make a few friends, and, well, maybe we can hang out together." He just looks at me and said, "You sure?" So I said, "Yeah. That'd be nice. I'd like you to meet my boyfriend if you're around on Thursday." He asks, "Will he be cool with that?" Now I'm chuckling and just say, "Yeah. Why wouldn't he be cool with it? We're both wanting to make some friends and so far haven't met any other gay people here. Uh, I guess I'm assuming you're gay. Sorry about that... Now I'm totally embarrassed because you might be bi or straight, or..." And now I'm the one blushing.

So, he tells me he's gay and would really like to hang out with the two of us. So we make plans to meet at a certain time and place tomorrow when Brad's going to be on campus. We talk a little more and finish our coffee. We get ready to leave and both go through our apologies to each other again and it's actually kinda sweet, ya know?

When I leave campus I call Brad to tell him about it. The whole thing. All he says is, "Cool." When we get together later that night we talk some more about it and the conversation starts taking twists and turns I hadn't anticipated. Now I'm realizing the whole thing is a little more complicated than just, "Cool." We talk some more and, well, Thursday is tomorrow, and... I have to leave now and get myself to class. Sorry. Details will follow tomorrow.

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"Wanna Have Sex? Brad Doesn't Have to Know."

Well, I guess it was bound to happen. Still it took me completely off guard. Maybe I should have expected it, but, still.........

I have this friend I'll call "David." We've known each other since middle school and though we're not like best buddies or anything, we still see each other occasionally. He's always been a cool guy and we've gone to parties together. He's straight and I've met a bunch of his friends and he's met mine. He's totally cool with the gay thing, as are his friends.

Well, I got a call from him Tuesday night and he asked me if I wanted to come over to his place to just hang out after work. He said a couple of his buddies were going to be there and they were just going to order a pizza and chill together. Brad had planned to go with his sister to the mall for a while, and since I hate malls with a passion you wouldn't believe, I told him David had invited me over for pizza with some of his buddies. Brad has met David a few times and thinks he's cool, so we settled on our separate plans. I told Brad I'd call him later that night.

So, I get off from work, go over to David's apartment and there's three other guys already there. I knew two of them, so David introduced me to the third guy. I'll call him "John." Okay, just so we're clear here and everything's out in the open, John was, well, totally hot. Okay, I said it. Judge me if you want, but there it is.

So, we were all catching up with each other, work, girlfriends, my boyfriend, usual guy stuff. So then this guy, John, comes over to where I was sitting and started up a conversation. He seemed like a decent guy, very personable. He was asking about my work and said he knew one of the contractors my boss sometimes uses.

The pizza was delivered and we were all just cutting up and having a good time, had some cool music on, just a low-key thing. I was telling them about going to Brad's Prom over the weekend and they were giving me a hard time about being all lovey-dovey out on the dance floor. All in good taste and humor. I was having a good time and was glad I stopped by.

A little later on, David and John went out on the back deck to smoke a cigarette. My friend David told me to come on out with them for some fresh air. Since I don't smoke, I joked that there's no way the air would be "fresh" with all their smoking. I didn't say it in a judgmental way, it was just part of our dumb kidding around. I went on out anyway just to be sociable.

After they finished smoking, David went back inside and John said he wanted to ask me something. So, me and him stayed outside for a few more minutes. He said he thought it was really cool that me and Brad went to his prom together. He said when he graduated from high school two guys going together would never have happened. He said his girlfriend had to drag him to their Prom, but it ended up being okay once they got there. I thought he was being really cool about it, especially since he had never met me before.

He then said something about how his girlfriend was not "putting out" (I think that was his phrase) as much as he needed it. (Okay, so I'm thinking here, Huh? This is weird that he's telling me about his sex life - or lack thereof - with his girlfriend, especially since we just met about an hour ago. Whatever. I couldn't think of anything to say.)

He then just looked straight at me and asked, "So, you and Brad must 'get it on' a lot, huh?" I think my mouth dropped open and I cocked my head a little trying to take all this in. What came out was something like, "Man, you know what? No offense, but that's really none of your business." He looked away and sorta chuckled. After a beat or two, he said, "Oh, shit, man, I didn't mean anything by it. Sorry about that." So, I said I was going back inside. I just wanted to get away from this creep and he just said, "Hey, Matt. Anytime you ever wanna fool around, you know, sex-wise, I swing both ways. Brad would never have to know. Just think about it." 

I think I was sorta stunned at first and then felt this rage come over me. I looked right at him and said, "Maybe it's not clear to you, so let me make it clear. First of all I barely know you and this whole conversation is creeping me out. Second, whether you swing both ways or not is none of my business. But I'll tell you one thing, there's only one person I 'put out for,' as you say, and that's Brad. So, I'm going inside and as far as I'm concerned this is the end of the conversation." He started to say something, but I just walked away and went back inside.

I stayed maybe about 15 more minutes, but I was getting angrier by the minute. I wanted to get out of there before I said or did something I would regret later. I think I was more bothered by some assumption he was making that if you're gay then you probably had sex all the time with anybody willing to pull their pants down......! I was less bothered by him trying to make a pass at me, because I just figured he was this total jerk and I knew I would never see him again. I mean, he meant nothing to me. If David, or any close friend of mine, had done the same thing, it would have been a different story. But this guy was an asshole as far as I was concerned. That assumption I thought he was making totally pissed me off. It had been very clear from the first that Brad and I were a couple, and even though I never used the word "love," anybody with a brain would have figured that out.

So I left. Walking to my car, I called Brad on my cell to see if he and his sister had gotten home yet. He said they were on their way and would be home in about 10 minutes. He said I sounded upset and asked if anything was wrong. I just said, "I'm okay. I want to see you." So I headed over to his house. After hugging and holding on to him, we went to his room and I told him everything that happened. After I finished, he just looked at me, grinned, and said, "I love you so much." I think I said something dorky like, "I am so glad I know you." Well, he had an even bigger grin now and said, "Uh, you mean like 'know' in the biblical sense?" It took a second to translate this, and then I said, "Yeah! Let's have a little biblical 'knowing.' Lock the door."

Well, I can say now is that maybe going to the mall is not going to be such a boring thing in the future. Who would've known?

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