Things that make me happy

I feel happy when I wake up in the middle of the night and realize I have 4 more hours to sleep!

I feel happy when Matty wakes me up on Saturday morning with a cup of freshly brewed hazelnut coffee and a kiss and then cuddles with me.

I feel happy when a friend tells me something I said was helpful and made a difference to them.

I feel happy watching Matty's face light up when I laugh at one of his corny jokes.

I feel happy when somebody leaves me a comment on the blog that says something like they're proud of me, or I've helped them in some way.

I feel happy coming up with things that make me happy.

I feel happy being around people who are patient.

I feel happy when Matty sends me flowers at work.

I feel happy when Spring arrives and lots of guys walk around without their shirts.

I feel happy that Matty never gets jealous when I point out a hot guy.

I feel happy when Matty looks straight in my eyes when he tells me he loves me. I feel like there's nobody else in the world but the two of us when he does that.

I feel happy when people share with me things that make them happy.

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A letter to you

To all our readers:

Hi everyone. I want to say a heartfelt thanks to everyone who took the time to write out your thoughts, advice, and support on my post from yesterday.  When I was reading back over all the comments, I started taking notes of things I hadn't thought of -- really helpful and relevant things I'm going to look into.

I'm trying to make some important decisions about my future and the comments you left are helping me feel more hopeful and energized. And I thank you so much for that.

I was a little worried you would see me as a whiny little kid because I think that's one of the things I tell myself sometimes. There's that sentence in my post yesterday about "...why do some things in life seem to take so long and are so hard and complicated?" that sounds a little whiny to me, but I tried to just write out my honest feelings regardless of how it sounded. I decided to leave that in because, well, that's how I honestly feel sometimes. Maybe I shouldn't feel that way, but I honestly do sometimes.

And then you left comments where you treated me with such respect and care that it almost blew me away. It means a lot to me that you take my concerns and fears seriously and talk to me as if I'm worthy of your time and care. I've had a lot of experiences in my life where I honestly felt like the people around me didn't think I was worthy of their time and care, and I'm always a little surprised and startled when I get it.

One of the things I like about our blog is how we can sometimes write about things that are completely silly and humorous, and then turn around and write about things that are very serious and celebratory, and sometimes very serious and painful.

But the biggest thing I like is how regardless of the "tone" of the topic we're writing about, your reactions and comments always reflect something personal about you. You may not share personal things about your life (even though we're thrilled when you do), but you always share your concern, your humor, your respect, your advice, and your support. And in my book, that's sharing something personal about you.

So again, thank you. Like I said I'm feeling more hopeful and energized about my future because of you. I'm also feeling a little more worthy of the time and care you show me. And that, almost more than anything you said, means the world to me.

Sincerely,

Bradley

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Just a kid in the snow!



Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

 Okay, I admit it. I'm a big ol' kid when it snows!

While we were out in the Berkshires visiting our friends this past week, we got snow and I swear I was in heaven.

I've always liked how everything seems to be transformed into what looks like a fantasy world. Whoever came up with the name Winter Wonderland was a kindred spirit of mine!

You go to bed at night and wake up the next morning and it's almost like you've been magically transported to another world. I swear it brings out the kid in me. I probably regress back to about 5 or 6 years old!

While Eileen was teaching Bradley how to crochet (or knit... or something along those lines), Tim and I put on our snowshoes and went out to explore this new world we woke up to. I swear my eyes were as big as saucers as we took in the beauty.

Later in the day after the snow had stopped, we all went outside in their front yard and watched Eileen and Bradley build a snow man. Or maybe it was a snow woman... or maybe that snow person was transgender. It had something resembling eyeliner, and I have no idea how they got the lips so red, like lipstick! All I know is when they finished, it was a thing of beauty. Magical beauty.

We're back home now but our Wonderland followed us here. We went to bed last night with maybe an inch or so of snow on the ground. When we woke up this morning, it looks like we might have a half-foot of magical beauty out there.

I got so excited before we went to bed last night. I had my snow shovel all ready, my winter jacket, my wool cap, my scarf, and my gloves waiting for me this morning! I absolutely can't wait to get out and shovel this Magic Wonder!

Then we're going up and down the street to see if we can help some neighbors shovel their Magic Wonder. There's an elderly couple we always keep our eyes on since their children are out of town, so we'll go check on them. One of the highlights of our day will be to enjoy some homemade hot chocolate with them afterwards and hear stories about some of the snows they've experienced in their life.

Ahhhh. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

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Merry Christmas

From our home to yours, Merry Christmas!

Whatever holiday tradition you celebrate,

we wish you joy and peace for the coming year!

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From a marriage license to Married!

Remember a few weeks ago when I posted this pic about the two guys in Seattle, Washington who were getting a marriage license? I wrote about how breathtaking this pic was to me.

Photo credit: Meryl Schenker

Well, we now have an update. They are now officially married! Here they after their wedding at the First Baptist Church in Seattle:


Photo credit: Meryl Schenker

Thanks to Kerstin for sending us this link to their wedding pic!

Best of luck, guys!

I'm still waiting for somebody to write their story.

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This took my breath away for some reason

Photo credit: Meryl Schenker

Sometimes when I'm out in public and see a couple looking at each other while they're walking hand-in-hand, I get a really nice warm feeling inside. I never know the two people, but I recognize that look in their eyes. You can always tell when "that look" is a friendship look versus an I love you look.

When I first came across the photo above, I literally (not figuratively) lost my breath. Just stopped breathing and started getting teary.

This is a couple applying for a marriage license in Washington the other day and was carried in some newspapers there.

One thing I like about the pic is how they're not looking at each other. They've probably done their share of looking into each other's eyes and everything there is settled. In this pic, they're looking outward. I'm sure they're looking into the eyes of a representative of the State and are swearing some kind of legal oath so they can get their license.

There's just something so terribly beautiful about their outward look. And you know what? I am completely convinced there's a beautiful story in that pic. Or maybe a thousand beautiful stories.

When you look at this pic, can you hear their story? Somebody needs to start writing. I swear there's probably a thousand stories there.

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The Dance and a Boy with Gray Eyes

We went to the Youth Pride Dance this past Saturday night and had a ball!

I don't know if people remember us mentioning something about our next door neighbor. I think we said something about this in the comment section of one of our posts (see, you have to read all the comments to get the full news of what's happening!).

These are the neighbors we spend a good bit of time with and they are so cool. Brad and the wife/mother have really bonded around cooking, and the husband/father and I play pickup basketball with some of the other guys in the neighborhood. He's also the one who's been teaching me all about woodcarving (I'm going to be posting a pic of this penguin family I finally finished... and one has a red bow tie and I've named him B-boy, since Brad wore a red bow tie for our Valentine's Day dinner!).

Anyway, get to the point, Matt! Okay, I will.

So, if you read the comments from the post I just mentioned, you may remember they have a son named Jake who's in high school and he came out to them toward the end of last year. His parents have been very accepting and supportive of him, which didn't surprise us at all. Jake was extremely nervous about telling them even though he knew their reaction would probably be positive. That's something I can certainly relate to. No matter how well you know the people you're coming out to, you never, ever know for certain what they might say or how they might react initially.

Anyway, back to the story.

We told Jake about the dance to see if he might be interested in going with us. We showed him the Boston Pride site where they advertised the dance (which you can see two posts down) and he said he'd like to go. He definitely didn't want to go dressed in some Super Hero outfit, which was the theme of the dance, and we assured him neither of us wanted to either.

I don't know if they had any people our age planning the event, but seriously! Maybe other people our age are a little more ballsy than us, but I'm not going into downtown Boston dressed as Captain America or Spider Man! Sorry. Just not gonna happen! ;-)

 



<-----------------Brad


                  Matt--------------->
                     (is that a bulge
                he's got going there?)



On our way to the dance, Jake tells us his mom wanted to take his picture before he left. We're going, "Your picture? Why?" He said he thought she was looking at this as similar to him going to the Prom or something. We told him that was sweet but he just rolled his eyes. I told him he should have told her that big orgies usually break out at things like this, and he got a kick out of that! He said if he had told her that, she probably would have grounded him until he turned 18!

Since Jake has never been to anything like a gay event before, we told him a little about the one time we went to a gay bar. He said he probably wouldn't be dancing but just wanted to hang out with us. We could tell he was a little nervous about the whole thing and we told him we would stick together, but if he wanted to, we could all three dance together, which is what we ended up doing.

Well... Jake was doing a little more than just hanging out and dancing with us. He and this other guy had apparently been eyeing each other and a little before we left for the night, they chatted each other up for a while. Just the two of them.

He brought Brady over to meet us, and being the proud Big Brothers we are, we had a fun conversation with him. He was a little shy and we tried not to make it seem like we were doing a "pre-date screening" in case they decided to see each other at a later time.

They exchanged phone numbers and we left. On the way home, all Jake could talk about was Brady and how cute he was and how nice he seemed. Brad and I just beamed hearing all the information Jake was able to gather about this guy in the short time they chatted.

He knew what school the guy went to, his favorite music, some of his hobbies (which included taking care of and riding his grandfather's horses), a little bit about his family, who he's out to (his mom and step-dad and just a few very close friends), what kind of things he likes to do on the weekend, where he wants to go to college, his favorite color (!), how he's thinking about some body piercings, how he likes to experiment with different ways to style his hair, and, oh, by the way, "Would you like to exchange phone numbers and maybe we can talk more?"

I have to say it was so much fun to listen to him and hear him so excited. Jake has only been out for a really short time and hasn't had a boyfriend yet. Plus, he's also a little on the shy side and it was fun to see him bubbling with all this interest.

There was a little lull in our conversation on the way back home. Brad turned around and asked him what he was thinking about.

"He has gray eyes. The boy has gray eyes!"

"You got close enough in that lighting to see the color of his eyes?" Brad asked.

"Yeah. I told him I liked the color of his eyes."

I couldn't resist telling him, "Oh God. Jake, you know what that means in the gay world, right?"

"Huh? What?"

Before Brad could kick me, I said, "It means you're now engaged."

Well, Jake knows I sometimes say some pretty outrageous things, so he was on to me.

"Cool. Will you guys be my Best Men?"

So, we'll see where this goes. They've already texted each other a bunch and talked on the cell I don't know how many times. I saw him yesterday and asked him if they're registered anywhere so we can get them a wedding gift. He just looked at me with a straight face and with a seriousness I've never heard from him before and said, "Nope. We're still trying to decide on the wedding announcement. He wants something formal and I just want something a little more on the cas side."

My mouth fell open and I'm just staring at him. Like I say, Jake has always been on the shy side, but it looks like he's losing some of that now. It's been really nice to see Jake so excited. If they hit it off, this will be his first boyfriend. And Brady already passed our "pre-date screening." I don't know if they're going to date yet, but my guess is they will.

Our "no-longer shy" Little Brother and the Boy with the Gray Eyes. Ah, I remember so well the first time Brad and I met. Is this first love? Too soon to tell, I guess. But there's nothing in the world like finding out.

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Ten Ways to Say 'I Love You'

Dear Matty,

I'm glad we both decided to just take this day off and stay home. (I like the way that sounds, "home," can you believe this is really happening?) Plus, with the rain, it's a good day anyway to play hooky!

While you're still sleeping, I'm thinking that all the unpacking and getting the furniture just right can wait.

I was thinking about what you wrote in the 'comment' section of yesterday's post. When you wake up, I want you to read what I'm writing here. I think you forget sometimes how amazing you really are. Sometimes you get locked in on certain things that you think are wrong and for some reason can't let go of that stuff. So, I'm here to remind you of just a few things you need to remember.

1. Remember that day this summer when those tornadoes were touching down in the western part of the state and everybody on TV was getting hysterical? My family was out of town that day and I was at home by myself having all kinds of panic attacks. You came over and stayed with me that night. Somehow you knew exactly what to do. After making sure we had flashlights, radios, batteries, water and other supplies, you led me to the basement and we watched TV there. We sat there on the couch and you kept whispering to me that it was going to be alright. Remember how you put the TV on "mute" so you could watch the weather reports, but where I couldn't see it? Then out of the blue you started calmly telling me this story from your childhood about when your grandparents came to visit when you were 6 years old. You went on and on and I learned some things about your childhood you had never told me before. You had this incredibly calm and soothing voice and it was putting me to sleep, but I wanted to hear it all. I finally drifted off to sleep and woke up later in the night and realized you had undressed me and had me tucked away on the sleeper-sofa with blankets all around me and you were lying there with your body cuddling me. Your cuddling was so loving and gentle and sweet. I felt so cared for that night. I knew you were there for me and I had nothing to worry about. 

2. Remember when I got my summer job as a waiter? You organized your entire family -- your parents, both your brothers and your brother's  fiancé -- to cook and serve me, just me, that really special gourmet dinner at your house. I loved how you got them all to dress up in formal ware (except for your younger brother who came the closest he's ever gonna get to formal wear: jeans, sneakers and a white shirt!). I felt so special that night. Special and loved by you and your family.

3. I loved watching you this past weekend while we were moving. You were so funny when you were acting like a total goof. It was like you were the ring master at this circus keeping everybody in a good mood even when those boxes went crashing. The guys loved how you were saying they couldn't leave until the bedroom was "perfect." It was like the rest of the house didn't matter, but, man oh man, that bedroom had to be done right. Then, when they left around 10 PM, and we were finally in bed, you had told them to sing, "Good Night, Irene" while standing outside our bedroom window! It's a wonder the neighbors didn't call the police!

4. I also remember about this time last year, you got a call from a friend of yours who said he just found out a guy he had slept with just tested positive for HIV. He said you were the only person he felt he could talk to about what to do. You helped him think about his options and whether he wanted to get tested. I remember you would call him every day to see how he was doing. When he decided to get tested, he asked if you would go with him to doctor's office as some support. You didn't hesitate one second. You took off from work that day and were there for him. They went ahead and did one of those quick tests but told him he would have to wait a few more weeks since he hadn't waited long enough for the test to be really reliable. You took off another day when he was out of that "window" period and were there for him when he got retested. To this day you are the only person in his life who knew he went through all that stress. Even after he tested "negative," you kept calling him for weeks later just to check on him. I remember you cancelled a few dates with me so you could spend time with him. I learned a lot about what being a friend is by watching how concerned you were for him. He was lucky to have you as a friend.

5. I love how you pretend to love going to the mall with me when I'm on a shopping mission! I know you hate shopping more than anything, but you put up with my excitement when I seem to take forever trying on this shirt, then that shirt, then this pair of pants, then that pair of pants, then this belt, then that pair of shoes. Then when I change my mind and seem to have to start all over again, you just smile and say, "Take your time," when I know you're probably thinking, "Please dear God, get me out of this mall or make me die right now!"  And you know I'm right that you're really thinking that!

6. About a year ago, your younger brother, (and his friends at school), went through a really hard time after a friend of theirs drowned. He called you around 10:00 at night to see if you would come pick him up from one of his friend's house where they had gotten together to talk and support each other. You told me you got to talk to him some in the car on the way home, and this is somebody who rarely talks about sensitive stuff. When you two got home, he said he was so tired he didn't want to talk anymore, but he asked if you would go running with him. He said he was feeling all tense inside and thought maybe a good run might help. This was probably like about 11:00 by this time, and you two changed and went running together. You said after the run, he took a shower and went to bed. After you took a shower, you said you looked in his bedroom to see if he was okay, and he was sound asleep. I'll always remember what you said about him the next day, that you hoped if you ever had to go through loosing a friend, you would have the strength he did. You're both lucky to have each other.

7. You made me so happy and proud when you were my date at my high school Senior Prom. I remember agonizing about whether to go or not, and you helped me think about all my feelings and the pros and cons. You never told me what your opinion was until after I decided what I wanted to do. You just listened to me and gave me all kinds of ways to think about it. I really believed you when you said you would be proud of me whether I decided to go or not. I keep hearing you say something like, "What's important is for you to make the decision you're ready to make." When I decided to go, I was so happy you were there with me. You made me feel safe and eventually helped me relax into the celebration. Plus, you looked so handsome in your tux! I was proud to introduce you, finally, to a lot of my friends. I'm glad you were there.

8. You already know how I love watching you when you're around children. I don't know how you do it, but kids always gravitate to you. Remember that time in the restaurant when that little boy was being loud and his parents were so embarrassed? You started making these really funny faces at him and he started calming down. He was so fascinated watching you. When we got up to leave, the little boy got upset and started crying. So, on the way out you went over to counter and bought a pair of children's plastic sunglasses and took it over to him. He looked so serious when you told him they were special sunglasses that helped little boys mind their parents. He just looked at you with this face that said, Are you serious? Then he broke out in this huge smile and his parents had to remind him to say thank you. As we were leaving, you and the boy were waving goodbye to each other.

9. I love it when you call me your Prince. It never comes out sounding corny. I can tell by your eyes and that smile you get when you're feeling something really intimate.

10. Lastly, you have shown me that dancing with you outside in the rain is about as close to God as I'll probably ever get.

I love you,
Brad

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Two Guys on a King-Size Bed!

We Moved!

Two Guys on a King-Size Bed.
Then Running Naked Thru the House.

Does it Get Any Better than This?

Well, we're in! So many fun (and stressful) things have happened since we last posted. The good news is that we're finally in our new house!

It's been the middle of last month that I posted anything, so I'm giving Brad a break today. So, I have to say a few things. I thought it would be more fun to start where we are right now and sorta tell what happened backwards. First things first, right? Or is it, last things first? Oh, who the hell cares!

So this is what I was like ALL night long Saturday and last night while we took a little break from breaking in our new King Size Bed! I could NOT shut my eyes no matter how hard I tried! Usually after 4 or 5 rounds of hot sex, I'm ready for a nap or sleep. Did that happen? No! I think I may have dozed a little bit but the hot guy in the bed who goes by the name of Wildcat Bradley was determined to see how many times we could enjoy each other's bodies from the time we hit the mattress until the time the sun came up. Not that I was objecting! It's just so totally different from having sex in our bedrooms at our parent's house. Well, duh. That was a complete understatement if ever there was one!

So, what were we doing in between those very rare intervals of dozing? Okay, you twisted our arms. Here's what we looked like when one of us would start to doze off. And it went like that back and forth, all night long! We were so cruel to each other, not letting the other one get a little shut-eye! It was funny how one of us would get tired and start drifting off and the other would be all ready for more play! Then it would go back and forth all night long. You would think we had never had sex before or were trying for some kind of world-record!

Now, don't think I'm complaining. I'm not. Not by a long shot, believe me. It's just another example of how different this whole experience is from living in our parent's house. Again, duh! We don't even have to shut and lock our bedroom door like at home. Oh wait, I don't think there's even a lock on our bedroom door here! Guess there's no reason for one, huh? Oh, God, this is so much fun!

So, we're also wondering (or, at least I am) how long these monster mattresses are suppose to last? The saleswoman said "years," but I honestly don't think they has us in mind when they were doing the calculations. I mean, there's no way we can keep buying a new king-size mattress every 4 to 6 months! Maybe we should go ahead and start saving for a spare one and just prop it up in the guest bedroom or something. Jeez, always something!

The other thing is that we don't even have to worry about keeping the noise down, like at home! All the moaning, groaning, growling, sighing, blasts of "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!, and to vary that chant, we would try out, YES! YES! YES!, and then move on to, Oh, yeah! Do that some more! My God, yes!, Oh, yeah! Do that some more! My God, yes!, Oh, yeah! Do that some more! My God, yes! {clearing my throat and adjusting myself down there}.

And you know what? We can even walk around NAKED throughout the whole house! How cool is that? It's so freaking cool is the answer. So, let me say it again, We can even walk around NAKED throughout the whole house! We can even walk around NAKED throughout the whole house! We can even walk around NAKED throughout the whole house! We've been having a blast just staying completely naked all the time. It's kinda fun to see "Mr. Hard Cocks" bouncing all over the place. They like it here, too!

Then when we finally manage to get just a wee bit of sleep (not the restful kind, mind you), the sun is coming up and you know what happens then, right?

That's right! Sweet Morning Wood! I mean, how are we suppose to get the rest we need for school and all the other things we have to do? Sweet Morning Wood! Then it's all over again. Okay, so maybe I need to drop out of school for another semester. Right? No way I'm gonna keep my grades "up" when other things are always "up!" But, being the responsible adult I am (hey, just when does the "adult" thing kick in? Am I there yet or does that begin at 21? Jeez, I need to Google that when I get a chance), I have absolutely no intention of dropping out of school, just for the record! I never thought I would ever say, "Hey, we gotta slow this train down, Brad." But here I am saying it. We're not gonna STOP the train, just slow it down. OMG can we do that? Whew, I'm sweating already!

Okay, so I'm rambling again, but this time I AM NOT APOLOGIZING! Do you hear that? I AM NOT APOLOGIZING. I'm entitled to some rambling right now. There's so much to ramble about, and for once I'm not going to freaking apologize for it!

I feel like a little kid in so many ways, but again, that is NOT a put-down! I'm letting myself totally enjoy this. We've never had a whole house to ourselves before. And neither of us has ever had a hot guy in the bed EVERY freaking night! And we've NEVER been able to get out of bed completely naked with said Morning Wood and walk wherever we want without having to worry about putting on our boxers or sweats!

Oh damn, I got to get moving. Got to get to classes. Things to do. Things to accomplish. Things to learn. Okay, slow down. Let's see..... I've got to take a shower and get out of here. But, oh dear God, I know what will happen in the shower! Said Sweet Morning Wood changes over to Sweet Shower Wood! When, oh when, will said Wood of ANY variety ever give me peace?

Oh, wait, am I complaining? Not on your life. I am RAMBLING JOYFULLY! and loving every freaking minute of it! Okay, that's all I can handle for today. I'm heading for the shower so I can get to class.

And that hot guy who's going to be sleeping in the bed EVERY NIGHT next to me, or under me, or on top of me, or...... whatever? He gets to have some real sleep for a while longer. He's gonna need his sleep when I rush back from classes today. He's going to need every ounce of energy to keep up with me this afternoon, and this night, and tomorrow morning. And we know what happens every morning? Sweet Morning Wood.

Hey, when are we suppose to eat? Or unpack? Or sweep the porch? Or clean the toilet? Or vacuum? Or............. Well, that will come, won't it? But for right now, first things first!

Wait, the Wildcat just woke up. He's ordering me to the shower so I can get to school. He said when I get out of the shower and get dressed, he'll meet me at the front door to give me a little "good-bye blow job." He said that should hold me till I get home later today! Little does he know (or maybe he does) that Mr. Horny only takes short naps.

Well, I'm gonna have to do something to keep Mr. Horny asleep while I'm at school. I'll have to wake up Mr. Scholar and order him to be in charge till classes are over. But I know Mr. Horny is going to wake up and scream bloody murder. This is going to be a real test of my will power. Maybe I can bargain with Mr. Horny and remind him of all the treats he'll get when we get home. And I'll promise him he can stay awake as long as he likes -- just let Mr. Scholar be in charge for 7 hours, you can do that can't you, honey? Hmmm?

Okay, during the week we'll fill everybody in on all the other things that happened before all this, like what the move was like, the hot gay guys who helped us move, the scrumptious spaghetti dinner Brad made, etc., etc.

Okay, I'm headed for the shower, then getting dressed, then meeting Wildcat at the front door for my good-bye blow. Wish me luck today!

 

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Sex, Whilrwinds and Love

A few days ago, Matty wrote about feeling he was in a "whirlwind" due to all the major changes happening lately. Starting college. Moving in together. Job changes, etc.

He said, "The biggest anchor I have right now is Brad. He's such a calming presence in my life. Sometimes when we're not even together, I can just bring him up in my head and I calm down."

Well, that was Matty being his usual sweet self. I don't doubt for a second that he literally means it. I know Matty. He doesn't say things like that as a cliché. I've learned I can take his words to the bank. They're as solid as gold.

One of the things I love about being in love is that we can be there for each other, no matter what. In some ways I feel like we've known each other for an eternity. And then in some ways I feel like we just met and are still discovering the beauty and wonder and excitement of each other.

After we first met, we heard stuff from friends like, "Yeah, the beginning part of any relationship is always exciting, but then you 'settle into things' and you become just like most couples and 'live in your routines.'"

Well, then why are we still feeling excited about each other after a year and three months? Why do we still feel excited every time we have sex? Why do we still feel excited to see each other every day? Why do we still get all tingly when one of us calls the other during the day to say something simple like, "Hey, honey. Whatcha doin'?"

And what is this thing about "living in your routines"? Sure, we have our routines. They're very precious to us actually. We have certain pet names we call each other. We have certain ways of being funny and humorous with each other that some people just roll their eyes at. They don't understand all the meaning and love that is going back and forth between us when we do that.

And the sex? Well, don't put that is the "routine" category. Not by a long shot! You hear people say that sex changes it's meaning over time. That you tend to have less and less sex over time. Well, if that's true, then shoot me now. We're still discovering new ways to enjoy each other's body. 

Sometime the sex is just pure fun. No special, deep or mystical meaning involved. Just pure fun and play. Lots of laughing, sighing, giggling, moaning. Being naked with each other. Still being excited like it's the first time. Pure and natural play. Being amazed that we discover things about each other's body we never realized before. Being able to see in each other's eyes how beautiful we each are.

Sometime the sex goes from being pure fun into something entirely different. Like what happened earlier this week when Matty was feeling in such a whirlwind. When this happens, it catches us off guard. Takes our breath away. We're there with each other, kissing, cuddling, sucking, tasting, fucking, exploring, cumming, licking, exploring parts of our body and being surprised and startled when we start making all kinds of animal sounds, sounds we've never heard before, sounds from some place deep inside us that feel almost scary or sacred or forbidden.

All that happened Monday night when we had sex. The "whirlwind" Matty had been feeling -- that "stress whirlwind" -- went away and we got caught up in another kind of "whirlwind." That whirlwind that happens when you loose your breath and are caught off guard and time literally seems to stop and it's just the two of you together. Holding each other. Hands all over each other. Sweating that type of sweat that's kind of musky and sweet all at the same time. Hoping that moment never stops. Knowing you're totally safe. And loved. And adored. And beautiful. And you're one person at that moment. Not two anymore. Just one.

Yeah. I know exactly what Matty meant when he ended his post with, "There's not a doubt in my mind that the love Brad and I have is strong enough to anchor this 'whirlwind' I'm experiencing." That love, my sweet one, is all we need.

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It's Hard!

I'm posting this a little early today since I need a couple of gallons of coffee before I head off to work. Brad and I were up very, very late last night (well, actually, this morning) celebrating his news that he will be able to start his college career next month with the one course they offered him as a "provisional" student.

The title of my post today is a cute little follow-up to the title of Brad's post yesterday. Last night we were both so excited with the news that he'll be able to start his college career next month that we couldn't stop talking about our future together. It made us think about all the positive news we've gotten lately and how everything seems to be lining up for us better than we could have dreamed.

Sometime during our celebration last night, I said something like, "It's hard to believe this is all happening." Then we started speeding ahead to everything we wanted to do in our future. My mind started revving like it does and Brad got caught up in all the excitement, too.

Then, in a split second, something happened to my mind and I didn't want to talk anymore about the future. I mean there we were together, right then, right now and I started feeling this incredible love for him.

My hands went to his face and pulled his cheeks closer to my face. We just stared into each other's eyes for a while. My throat started doing this thing it does when I'm overcome with emotion and it won't let any words come out. He looked back at me and just said, "You're crying."

I hadn't even realized I was crying, but him saying that released everything I was feeling for him. We just leaned into each other, my hand caressing his hair and his hand gently making the rounds of my back. We both were crying at this point, just soft, gentle tears. Swaying back and forth. No need for words. Everything that love is was flowing from my body to his and from his body back to mine.

I swear it was like we were making love for the very first time. Everything we did seemed completely new, almost like we were inventing it.

I was finally able to get my throat and mouth to cooperate and before we released our bodies, I looked at him and said, "Whatever happens in our future will happen. But right now, this is the only real thing we have. Right here. Right now."

Sure, "it's hard" taking everything in... everything that's happening. But one sure thing that's not hard is being in love with the most beautiful man in the world. My man. Our love. Not hard at all.

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Memory Lane

Brad and I both appreciate all your supportive comments yesterday. It still amazes us that things seem to be falling into place like they are.

After doing all our happy dances this week, I think we can now forgo our exercise routines for a while! What a whirlwind!!

I'm still having all kinds of trouble getting back into my normal sleep pattern. I've overslept a few times and have had to work a little later to make up for missed time at work, but my boss has been very understanding. I just explained what's been happening and promised not to be late again. He's very happy for Brad and I, but, like he said, work is work and I have to be able to  keep up with all my responsibilities (how many times have I heard that all my life?).

Whenever major good things happen in my life, my brain does all kinds of things that make it hard for me to focus. Exercising always helps and I've become a bicycling fanatic over the years. I've also learned a lot of mediation techniques and breathing exercises. But if I'm really keyed up at night, I've found that writing in my journal is one of the best ways to get all my thoughts out of my head and on to paper. I can then tell myself that whatever I'm thinking about will be there in the morning, and I can usually settle down to sleep.

Well, last night I went back in my journey to read what I had written the night of my eighteenth birthday party, the day I also met Brad for the very first time. I rarely let anybody read what I've written, but I was showing Brad the entry for that day. It was the first time he had read it and it brought up all kinds of happy memories for us both. So, I thought I'd share a little bit of it here, a little stroll down memory lane:

May 8. Why can't I fall asleep tonight? It's almost midnight and I should be totally drained. I know it's not the excitement of turning 18, even though that's a big deal. I know it's not the birthday party, which was the best one I've ever had.

Who am I kidding? I know exactly why I can't sleep tonight. I met the most beautiful boy today and I can't stop thinking about him. And I don't want to stop thinking about him.

It's funny but I hope I don't go to sleep tonight. I want to stay up all night remembering everything that happened.

I've seen hot guys before -- plenty of them. Thinking about some of them has kept me awake before, but I usually drift off to sleep after a while.

But this guy I met today -- his name is BRAD -- is different somehow. I can't get him out of my mind. I don't want to go to sleep because I'll start dreaming about other things and if I stay awake, then I can keep thinking about him. Remembering his lips, his eyes, his shy smile -- that adorable way he would just slightly tilt his head when I was talking to him.

Well, he gave me his phone number. And I asked him out to a movie next weekend -- and he said YES! So, OK, maybe that's enough for now. Oh wait, maybe I can convince my brain to dream about him tonight. I'll keep saying his name over and over again. Maybe that'll work! BRAD! I really like that name. BRAD. Hope you're having sweet dreams too, BRAD.

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Meeting Matt's Family

In his post yesterday, Matt recalled some of the wonderful memories he had about the beginning months of our relationship. One memory I have occurred about two months into our dating and is very special to me, not only because it involved meeting Matt's whole family, but because I began to seriously be convinced that I was in love with him. I knew my feelings were strong already but for some reason it sorta clinched the deal for me. Matt and I didn't use the "L" word at that time, but I know I was thinking about it.

Matt has this incredible relationship with his mom, his dad and his two brothers. Matt had been telling them about me from the time we first met and his mom told him to invite me over for dinner so they could all meet me. A date was set for a Saturday night and I found out later that both his brothers made a decision to bail on plans they already had so they could be there! Imagine that! Matt told me that was a huge deal for his brothers because they were hugely independent and rarely changed their plans for anybody.

As the time got closer, I was starting to get more nervous. For some insecure reason I started thinking about how I could win them over. Matt had never had a boyfriend before and I was thinking all eyes were going to be on me, so I better make a good impression. Matt reassured me that I didn't have to prove anything to them. "Just be yourself. They're gonna love you." Yeah, sure. Easy for him to say!

When Matt and his mom opened the door, I had some cut flowers for his mom. His mom didn't wait for Matt to introduce me. She just had this huge smile on her face and said, "Well, you must be Brad. Oh, and look at the flowers! That's so sweet. They'll look perfect on the table. Come on in and meet everybody." Matt was taking all this in and grinning from ear to ear. He kissed me, ushered me in and closed the door.

His mom realized she hadn't introduced herself and apologized. For some reason I was expecting something more formal, but she leaned in and gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek! For some reason I knew everything was going to be alright. I could see where Matty got his charm!

His dad came in the room, introduced himself and said how happy he was to meet me. Then his two brothers came in (one is 2 years younger and the other is 2 years older than Matt) and I met them. His younger brother immediately said he heard I liked soccer and started asking me questions about my school team, what position I played, etc. His older brother smiled and kinda slowed things down. He just said, "Whoa, everybody. Let's just go in the den and get some snacks and something to drink." Big brother to the rescue!

After about 30 minutes I felt like I had been a part of the family forever and was returning home after a long absence. It's funny but I don't know who I hit it off with better. After some snacks, him mom let me come in the kitchen to help her with some last minute dinner things. I had already mentioned that I loved to cook, so she said it was nice to have a man in the house who wasn't afraid of the kitchen. Matt, his dad and brothers let out a huge howl. "Awwwww, that's not fair!" It was great fun. Matt just winked at me.

During dinner, Matt just sat back, grinning most of the time, while everybody asked me questions and began telling me stories about Matt. It was clear that I had stepped into this incredibly close family. I mean, it seemed like they were so comfortable and easy with each other. Pretty soon I no longer felt like a guest. It was like they were treating me like a family member.

After dinner, his younger brother took me to his bedroom where he showed me some trophies he won for soccer. We talked a little while and realized we liked some of the same music and movies.

His older brother got out some baby pictures of Matt and sorta took me through his childhood. It was so clear and obvious his older brother loved Matt. We both laughed and I think bonded over enjoying some pictures of Matt making these ridiculous funny faces when he was a kid. He was already a ham and a show-off when the camera was around! Some things never change as you get older, do they Matty? :)

His dad was a great joker! He was so kind and had this subtle -- and sometimes not so subtle -- sense of humor. For example, as I was getting ready to go, he said something like, "Well, Brad. Any boyfriend of Matt's is a friend of mine! You're always welcome here, but, well, how can I say this? Hmmmm, I am going to have to ask you to empty your pockets before you leave. Just for security sake. I know you'll understand." He was saying all this with a completely serious face. I think my eyes darted between him and Matt and then his dad just said, "Well, maybe I can make an exception this one time, but I better not hear of any familiar jewelry being pawned in the next month or so!" Then he let out this huge laugh and gave me a bear hug!

When I left, every single one of them said I was to consider myself welcome in the home anytime. His dad said he hoped I didn't think Matt came from a crazy family. I felt so comfortable by this point that I just looked at everybody and said (with the same straight face his dad had given me earlier) that I knew of a good psychiatrist I could refer them to. Well, you would have thought I had said the funniest thing ever uttered by another human being. Did dad didn't miss a beat and said, "Well, Brad, since you seem to have found something redeeming about Matt, you are going to join the family in any therapy!" I swear to God I didn't want to leave.

Matt followed me out to my car. Before I even got to the car door I realized I was crying. I turned to Matt to give him a hug and kiss and realized he was crying too. He looked right into my eyes and all he said was, "You are so amazing. I actually think they like you more than they like me." Well, we just hugged and held onto each other for a while.

He called me later that night and told me everything they all said about me. After just two months of dating, I went to sleep that night with the "L" word on my mind. Was it possible that I was in love with him? All I remember before falling asleep was that I had a huge smile on my face.

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Coming Out & Coming In: 2 Lessons from Maine

Matt and I were talking about our vacation to Maine. It's hard to believe we've actually been together a whole year now. So much has happened. I've met the boy of my dreams. Fallen in love. Lost my virginity. Gone to my school Prom with my boyfriend. Graduated High School. Just returned from a one-week vacation as a graduation present from Matt's aunt and uncle. Unbelievable. Friggin' unbelievable! Except it's all true!

It's was obvious to everyone at the Bed and Breakfast that we were a couple. I mean, duh! The owners of course knew because they're friends of Matt's aunt and uncle. Each of the other three couples probably figured it out in like 30 seconds. No way they would figure we were brothers (how many brothers our age hold hands, call each other things like "babe" or "sweetie," or kiss?) or even think we were best friends.

I've been out as gay since I was 15. I'm 18 now. It still amazes me how in some ways it is easy to come out to people, and how it terrifies me in other situations. Going to the B & B made me nervous. I mean, we were going to be spending a week with three other (unknown) couples and there are never any guarantees about what people are going to think (which I don't worry about all that much) but you never, ever know how they are going to treat you. That I worry about. I mean, this vacation was a graduation present for me and it was the first vacation Matt and I have ever taken. I wanted it to be perfect for both of us.

It ended up being about as perfect a vacation as I could have hoped for. One couple was a little stand-offish at first, and they didn't interact a whole lot with us like the other two couples did. They didn't say or do anything that was rude or offensive, so we have that to be thankful for. They were sorta noticing us, but not really including us in things, which is their right. I mean, no big deal.

The other two couples, and the owners, were totally accepting and inclusive of us. One of the women nudged her hubby one evening while everybody was in the Common Room in front of the fireplace after dinner. Me and Matt were sorta cuddling and enjoying the conversation and all the questions they had about how we met, going to the prom together, our families, etc. The wife said to her hubby something like, "Now, watch those two sweet boys, Harold, and learn something about romance." Harold turned three shades of red but he, and everybody, just got into the moment. We were all having a blast. How totally cool was that?

They all called us "Sleepy Heads" when we came down a little late for breakfast each morning, and seemed to enjoy making really cute and playful comments about how we were enjoying our bedroom! Man, it was almost unreal. Totally, totally wonderful!

I got to thinking about how "Coming Out" also included the opportunity to "Come In" as a whole person, if that makes any sense. I mean, coming out is something that comes from inside you and is directed to others. By "coming in" I mean that you "come into" a more complete person when you can just be your whole self with others.

I noticed that I learned more about myself when Matt and I were in a safe place to just be ourselves. I mean, we didn't have to censor anything we said or did in front of them. I felt like something really amazing and important was happening "in" me as a result of being "out" and completely myself there. I felt, I don't know, more mature, more whole as a person, more confident, more hopeful. I kept telling Matt that I was beginning to understand what "joy" is all about. I also began to feel "fully alive." I know this may sound like a lot of clichés, but, believe me, inside it was almost overwhelming. I guess that's what I mean when I say that "coming out" is an opportunity to "come in"..... to come into you're true self.... to be a part of life without hiding, so be seen for who you really are.

Writing about all this is making me so happy. I feel a lot more hopeful about the future -- our future. I feel like I'm "coming into" more of who I am as a whole person! What more could I ask for?

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You Bring Me Joy

Brad, when you get home from school today, close your eyes and listen to this. It sums everything up for me, pure and simple:

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